Broken but beautiful
by She-who-loves-fanfiction
Summary: "We should make a truce." "I have been offering a truce since fourth year, James. You have blatantly ignored it every time." "Well, I swear on Merlin's left sock that I will honour the truce this time." He winks, and I cough to try and hide my blush. I don't like Potter, it's just a reflex: a hot guy winked at me. Did I just call Potter hot? My life really is going wrong. JP/LE
1. Crushed

**Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise belongs to me, it belongs to J.K Rowling.  
A/N: This is the prologue to a chaptered fanfiction. Enjoy x **

Prologue- Crushed.

I looked down at the parchment in my shaking hands. He wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair and I turn into his chest.

Why them?

Why me?  
I grab his t-shirt and pull him down to my level, ignoring the fact that all eyes are on us.  
"Are you okay, Lils? What's wrong?"  
"I...I...James." I shake, tears welling up in my eyes, and double over, clutching my chest, where a ripping pain tears at my chest.  
He picks me up easily and carries me out of the hall, using his free hand to cover my face to shield me from unwanted glances. After a brisk run, he finally arrives in his dormitory. Placing me down on his bed, he gently tugs the paper out of my feeble grip and  
reads it, fists clenched, as tears start streaming down my face.  
"I'll kill them..." he muttered, one hand on my leg. "Oh Lils, I promise I won't let them hurt you anymore."  
"Petunia said it was my fault."  
"No Lils... no it's not."  
"It is... I'm a witch, I'm a mud blood..."

He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed a hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him.  
"Never say that again Lily. EVER! You are the strongest, bravest witch I have ever met, and you have more magical ability in your pinkie finger than the whole of Slytherin house put together."  
"They're dead. James, they're gone..."  
"I know, love it's ok..."  
"No! No it's not! They're gone!"  
I must cross the line then into hysteria, because I can't breathe. "James... Help..."  
He picks me up again, but my vision is going black and I just can't stay awake.

When I wake up, I'm aware of a crushing pain in my chest. I can tell that I'm in the Hospital Wing, but it's not until I sit up that I realise why. My back aches, and my head is pounding, and I am vaguely dizzy. It's then I remember:  
My parents.  
They're dead.  
I bury my head in my hands, and let out a whimper, and someone rubs my back; I can tell by their deep breathing that it's James. "I'm here, Lils. Just let it all out." I cry and cry and cry until there are no tears left, and I'm a soggy mess, hiccupping with an aching head. When I open my eyes again, he's moved; now he's sitting in front of me, his hands on my shoulders, and when I look at him, I'm surprised to see rare tears running down his face.  
Despite the horrible pain in my chest, I am still worried about him. "James...what's wrong...are you ok?" I cough and look into his bloodshot hazel eyes. He laughs weakly and pulls me close to him, wiping the tears off my cheeks with his thumb. "I hate it. I hate seeing you so upset."

Wiping my eyes, I bite back a fresh wave of tears and gulp. "It's not your fault. I'm being silly. You lost your dad too, last year and you didn't faint everywhere." I know I'm being harsh, but if I pretend I am being weak, hopefully I can forget..  
Them.  
My mum's long red hair, not straight, but curly, a wild mess around her shoulders. My dad's grey waistcoat and tobacco smell.  
They're gone.  
I'm never going to see them again.  
I'm breathing deeply now, in and out, in and out. "That's it Lily. In, out. In, out." I'm really dizzy now, and there's a loud buzzing in my ears.  
"Breathe Lily. In and out." That's someone else, someone vaguely female and concerned. James' arms are around my waist, someone's hand on my shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. My eyes are closed, tears seeping slowly from my lids and my breathing is slowing down, becoming tired. James must lay me down, because when I open my eyes slightly a minute later, I'm horizontal and covered with a duvet. I'm too tired to contemplate staying awake and slip into a restless sleep, feeling James' tears drip onto my bare arm.

 **Thanks a million,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction x**


	2. Bemused

**Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, they belong to the amazing J.K Rowling.**

 _3 months earlier..._

"Get up, freak!" My _darling_ sister's shrieking like a banshee in my left ear, as I try desperately to hide under the duvet, and I'm pretty sure my eardrum just imploded. "Owww..., burst eardrum. Go away Tuney. PLEASE ." She growls at the old nickname and tears the curtains open so sunlight falls across my bed. I burrow further underneath the duvet to avoid the blinding rays and groan. "Lily's closed... Come back later, when you don't sound like a strangled cat. I'm tired!"  
With a snarl to rival a Chimaera's, my _dear_ sister tries to rip my duvet off me with me still clinging to it, like some kind of demented sloth, so the duvet and I fall to the floor.

The duvet (lucky blighter!) lands safely on my carpet. I, however, crash headfirst into the bedside table.  
"Oh my gosh, Lily, are you okay?" Petunia's panicking and through a haze of pain and confusion, I remember that's the first time she's called me 'Lily' all holiday.

I curse loudly, and my hand flies up to my head, where there's a horrible ripping pain. My hand touches something warm and wet, a surge of pain rushes through my head, and I bring my hand slowly down, breathing shallowly.  
It's covered in blood.  
"Holy Agrippa." I look at it in disgust. "Tuney, I'm leaking red stuff!"  
This wound better not have give me permanent brain damage. I can imagine it at Hogwarts: _"Alice, may you pass me that long stick-thing made of wood that we make sparkles come out of?"_  
"WHAT?!"  
"No...I mean...LOOK!" I thrust my blood-covered hand in her face, and grin weakly as she pales.  
"Breathe, Petunia. Breathe." she mutters to herself, and I can't resist making fun of her.

"Are you sure that you aren't the one that hit their head, Tuney?"  
I smile at her astonished face. "I'm Li-ly, and you're Pe-tu-ni-a."

She scowls. "I was _talking_ to myself, you freak."  
"Did you know that talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity?"

"I'm not the insane one here."

Some ten minutes later, I'm sitting on one of the dining room chairs, whimpering as my mum wipes the long cut across my forehead.

"What even happened, Lily?" my mum sounds stern as she bandages up my head.  
"I fell into the my bedside table."  
She sounds amused. "What were you doing? Trying to turn your alarm clock off?"  
"Something like that." I glare at my _dearest_ sister. She woke up at 6:30. AM! The sun had like just woken up!

I know I have to go to Hogwarts today, but I can change in ten minutes and I packed yesterday.  
At least give me until ten, people!

It's then that I remember:  
"Oh...Mum...I got Head Girl."  
There's a crash and the first-aid kit's contents rolls across the floor.  
"What? You didn't tell us..." she mutters, sounding scarily hard to read.  
"Well I was going to tell you! Yeah...then I forgot...so I was going to tell you this morning as I run out of the door, but I fell into my bedside table, so..."

There's a scarily long pause and then my mother gasps. "Oh this is excellent! I must go wake your father. Our darling daughter, Head Girl!" She glides out of the room, a bandage stuck elegantly to the bottom of her slipper.  
I look over at Petunia, who looks like she's about to cry.

"Tuney, are you okay?"  
"Splendid, most 'darling daughter'!" her voice is filled with scorn, but her eyes are filled with tears.  
"Positively spiffing."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Bye! See you at Christmas!" I call as I scramble down the stairs towards the front door. Quickly shrinking my trunk, I shove it in one of my already full pocket and hold tight to my owl, Papilio, who squawks indignantly at the rough handling of his cage. My mum appears in the hallway with a piece of toast in her hand, and my dad waves from the couch. "Bye Lily! Don't forget to send your owl to us when you get to your dorm-"  
"Ok!" I cry brightly; I hate goodbyes. Waving, I spin on the spot and focus on my destination: Platform 9 and 3/4.

With a loud crack, I open my eyes and look at the Hogwarts Express, and start jogging half-heartedly towards the nearest door. Grabbing the handle next to the door, I swing myself up and hit straight into the very boy I was trying to avoid.  
Porcupine-Potter himself.

I mumble an apology and attempt to walk past him, but he spreads his arms out so I can't get past him.  
"What!?" I grumble, but he just grins widely and winks at me.  
"What did you do to your head, Lily?"  
"Fell into my bedside table. And it's Evans to you, Potter."  
"Ok Lily. What were you doing, trying to turn your alarm clock off?"  
Despite my frustration, I grin as I remember my mother's reaction. "Something like that."  
Suddenly, a loud whistle sounds, and I practically jump out of my skin.  
"Excuse me Potter, but I need to get on the train to see Alice before the prefect meeting. Get out of my way."

He grins and moves out of the way, and then as I go to walk away he touches my shoulder. I spin around and look him directly in the eyes.  
"What?"  
"It's James."  
"Huh?"  
"My name. It's James, not Potter."  
"I know?"  
"So, you know, you could call me by it?"  
He winks at me and walks into the nearest compartment, leaving me standing there, watching the smoke billow past the window.  
 _What is going on?_

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Muchos Gracias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction x  
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	3. Infuriated

**I just want to say: Thank you, to the people who followed and/or favorited this story! It makes me want to keep updating xx  
Disclaimer: All of these characters that you recognise belong to J.K Rowling.**

I burst into the compartment where Alice is sitting alone. "Hello, my dear Alison!"  
"Hey Lily." She responds despondently. I drop my wand and trunk onto a seat and plop my backside down next to her.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing..."  
"Shall I get Frank?" With that, she buries her hand in her hands and starts to cry. Throwing my arms around her, I hand her a tissue and peer at her anxiously. "What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Frank...h-he broke u-up with me." She chokes out, and a surge of rage flows through me.  
"He didn't..."  
She laughs bitterly, hiccupping. "He did."  
"Well, I've got a Prefect's meeting to run, so I'll kill him at it, ok?"  
"Thanks Lils...wait...you have a Prefect's meeting to _run_?"  
"Yeah, I kind of got Head Girl."  
"Oh my gosh! Lily, that's great! Ooooh...who's the Head Boy?"  
"I don't know yet but I bet it's Remus."

"Yeah...or Diggory! He's a total dreamboat, Lils!"  
"I know, right?" Perfect hair, perfect eyes, doesn't break rules, but isn't boring. Perfect.  
"So did you see anyone before me today? Like a certain Potter?" She hasn't stopped teasing me ever since he asked me out in fifth year.  
"Uh-huh. He was acting so weird, like he was actually pretending to be concerned when he found out that I hit my head. Then he told me his name was James, like I didn't know, so I should call me it or something...and he's so CONFUSING and ANNOYING! He was acting less prat-like than normal, like an actual human being, and he didn't make one arrogant comment. What is that supposed to mean?! He is so infuriating!"

"I think you like him." Alice whispers slyly.  
"I do NOT. I have to go to MY meeting now. Your sherbet is in my bag." She's had an obsession with the muggle sweet ever since I brought it to Hogwarts in my third year, so I always bring her a packet.  
"Bye Lils, don't forget to ignore _him_ for me."

Slamming open the sliding door to the Prefect's compartment, I smile menacingly at Frank, who's sitting on a bench, alone in the empty room, changing the colours of the curtains with lazy flicks of his wand. "Hey Lily! Congratulations on getting Head Girl, I got Prefect. James told me-"  
I storm over and slap him, hard, so that he falls back against the window. He lets out a strangled yell, and puts his hands up as if to ward me off.  
"What in the name of Merlin's left sock was that for?"  
"Why did you break up with Alice?" He pales, so his flaming cheek stands out even more.  
"Look...about that...she wanted commitment...and I wasn't sure if I could-"  
"Do you love her?"  
He looks nervous but mutters "Yes."  
"Would you die for her?"  
He speaks quietly, but firmly. "Absolutely."

"Then what are you doing, sitting in here?! The Prefect meeting doesn't start for 20 minutes, and I just came to speak to the Head Boy and avoid Alice because she was teasing me about J-something. Go to her and apologise and kiss her and stop her crying!"  
"She was crying?" He looks sad now, and worried, as he stands up.  
"Yes, you idiot! Her soulmate broke up with her! GO! NOW!"  
He's grinning now, looking at the door, but I'm tugging at his arm and pulling him towards the door.

"Lily-"  
"Come on!"  
My back bangs straight into someone and I gasp, stumbling. Frank grabs me under the arms, and straightens me up, before scurrying around the person behind me, calling "I'm going!".

I turn around, crossing my arms as I glare at James Potter.  
"What in the name of Merlin's left sock do you want, Po-James?"  
"Merlin's left sock? Really, Lily?"  
"Really, Po-James. I actually got it from Frank."  
"You know, it doesn't really work if you call me James and look mad. It's kind of unnerving."  
"Ok, so what do you propose we do then, James?" I struggle the name out, and scowl at his smirk.  
"We should make a truce."  
"I have been offering a truce since fourth year, James. You have blatantly ignored it every time."  
"Well, I swear on Merlin's left sock that I will honour the truce this time."  
He winks, and I cough to try and hide my blush. I don't like Potter, it's just a reflex: a hot guy winked at me.  
Did I just call Potter hot?  
My life really is going wrong.

"Why do we need a truce though, Po-James? You see, I can just give you detention if you mess with one of my friends."  
"You can't give a detention to your fellow Head Student..."  
Wait...what?  
"You're...Head Boy?"  
"It appears so, Petal."  
"If you call me Petal again, I will castrate you."  
"Whatever you say, Petal. We will have Prefect meetings to run, rounds to do, a common room to share... We can't be fighting the whole time."  
"Right." I purse my lips, and nod quickly. "Fine."  
"So what are the terms for our truce?"  
I rattle off a few on my fingers. "No fighting in the corridors or in front of people, no asking me out publicly, or at all. No letting Sirius in our common room without asking me first, and I'll do the same with Alice. Anything else?"  
"Yep. No lavender shampoo."  
"What?!"  
"I can't stand it!"  
"Neither can I, don't worry."  
"Is that it then, Petal?"  
"It's _Lily_ , and yes, I suppose so."

"Good, Petal, because the Prefects are queuing outside."  
"Fine, Po-James. Let them in."

 **Merci,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	4. Proud

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot, the rest belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
Reviews are welcomed! Enjoy xx**

Levitating my trunk onto a carriage, I grin at James trying to do the same a couple of metres away, while eating a Pepper Imp, so steam billows out of his ears as Sirius barks with laughter. Hearing someone calling my name, I spin around, and see Alice running towards me, dragging a protesting Frank by the hand.

"So you got back together then?" I inquire, and she beams.  
"He was being stupid, and apparently slapping him gets rid of his stupidity. Well done, Lils."  
I open my mouth to speak, but someone taps me on the shoulder. "Can I help you?"

Turning, I look at Sirius Black, who actually looks worried. "Evans, Prongs is fighting Mulciber, and he can't afford to-" I've already got my wand out, and I run around the corner past the carriages, to a clearing, where Mulciber and James are circling each other. James is spitting blood from his mouth, and the Slytherin has a bloody nose. "Break it up. NOW." I wave my wand, creating a Shield Charm between them, and the blond boy snarls.

"Awww...the Mudblood's come to save the blood traitor. How sweet." James growls and fingers his wand, rage clear on his face.  
"Get going, Mulciber." I snap, as Sirius goes over to James.  
"The Mudblood thinks she's worthy to speak my name, now, does she?"  
Sirius grabs the back of James' robes to stop him jumping at the boy, who's impeded by my Shield Charm.  
"At least I have enough brains to fill an eggcup. Tell me, how is it physically possible for you to get out of your cave every morning? You would think that would be impossible for you, seeing as it requires brain cells." Sirius laughs, and I break the Shield Charm as the wannabe Death Eater turns and strides away.

As I'm walking over to James and Sirius, a jet of white light cuts across the clearing, streaking across my face and cutting it, though only Sirius notices; James is too busy cursing Mulciber colourfully. I let out a groan, and watch as Sirius tries to convince James to go back to the carriages. After a few minutes of heated arguing, James sprints out off the clearing, and Sirius hurries over to me, frowning worriedly.

"You ok, Evans?"  
"I think so. It won't stop bleeding though." I finger the small gash on my cheek.  
"Cowardly git. Your back was turned."  
"How did the fight start in the first place?"  
"He insulted you, and Prongs told him to take it back. Yeah...it escalated from there."  
"He would do that...for me?"  
"Wow...you really don't know a thing about Prongs, do you?"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"I mean, he's done that plenty of times."  
"Done what?"  
"Fought with someone because of you."  
"WHAT?!"  
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that..."  
"Who?! Who has he fought with because of me?"  
"Only a couple of people..."  
"A couple means 2! And that counts as a lot, Black!"  
"Yeah, well Prongs is just like that."  
"But why would he do that?"  
"You really don't get it Evans?"  
"NO!"  
"He likes you."

What?  
"What?" I say quietly, heart pounding. He couldn't, could he?

"Yeah, you may argue, but you are friends, I guess so he feels kind of protective."  
"Right." I breathe a sigh of relief, ignoring the seed of disappointment in my chest.

James is just an arrogant toerag, who happens to be funny and protective and hot. Yep. Arrogant toerag.

"Who did he fight? Be honest."  
He sighs as he lists the names, counting them off on his fingers.  
"Mulciber, several times. Malfoy. Diggory, once. Boot, you know, the Ravenclaw prat in sixth year."  
"Why, though? What did they do?"  
"Insulted you, cheated on you after one date, going to ask you on a date for bad reasons, stuff like that."  
"Wow...I had no idea... I've been horrible to him, and he's been looking out for me."  
"Yeah...Oh Merlin."  
"What?"  
"The carriages will have gone."

With that, he picks me up and sprints out of the clearing, quickly putting me down in the last remaining carriage, before swinging himself in. "Got your trunk?" he isn't out of breath at all, which is MOST unfair, since I am panting, and I didn't even have to walk!

"Yeah, I shrunk it." I hold it out for him to see, and he nods appreciatively.  
"Me too."  
As the carriage speeds away into the night, I prod him hard in the arm.

"Oh and Black?"  
"Yes, Evans?"  
"I can run by myself, thanks."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When we finally arrive at the Great Hall, James and Remus are waiting at the Front Door, sending the students towards their House tables. He notices us, and my heart can't help skipping a beat at his concerned expression.

James runs over, almost knocking over some second-year's and studies my face anxiously, his hands on my shoulders.  
"What happened to you face, Lils?"  
"Mulciber..."  
"He hurt you?!" Hs face looks murderous, and his eyes are glinting dangerously behind his glasses.  
Sirius cuts in, looking sheepish. "I tried to mend it, but-"  
James punches him on the arm, and I can tell by Sirius' wince that it hurt.  
"That's for not sending her back to the carriages after me, like you SAID you would."  
"Yeah, but-"

"Ok," I say briskly, cutting off Sirius' retort. "You can argue later, but right now we need to go to the feast."  
They mumble apologies and follow in after me. I sit down next to Alice, who is peering around excitedly near the head of the Gryffindor table, and James sits down on my other side.  
"Hey Lily! James said you would be late. I heard we're getting a new professor!"  
"Yay." I mumble sarcastically and James snorts. I look up at him and he winks, making me blush. Ducking my head to hide my flushed cheeks, I hear Sirius whisper something to him like 'break through' and _him_ hissing beneath this breath, in the way that he does when he's happy.  
Not that I've been watching him.

Professor Dumbledore stands up and everyone falls silent.  
"Before we begin the Sorting, I would like to introduce our Head Students for this year. May Lily Evans and James Potter stand up, please." James stands up, and I do too, blushing wildly.  
"I, as well as your fellow students, I'm sure, would like to wish you the best of luck." He starts to clap, and as the teachers begin, the students do too. I'm smiling bashfully when I feel James take my hand. Looking up at him, he cocks his head questionably, silently asking if it's okay. I grin, and squeeze his hand, then look out, around the Hall, at the clapping students and the scowling Slytherins.

I've never felt more proud.

 **Danke,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	5. Flustered

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise, ok?  
Reviews are definitely welcomed! Enjoy xx  
**

After the feast, we all leave the Hall as a big group: Frank and Alice holding hands, Sirius teasing Peter and James whistling as he strolls down to the entrance of the Head's Common Room. I tap my wand on the door, and it swings open, the others peering over my shoulders . James, however, picks me up, bridal-style, and carries me across the step leading into the room, as I squeal in surprise. He sets me on the ground gently and I huff playfully, giggling.  
"Why does nobody think I can walk?"  
Sirius barks with laughter, and James smirks.  
"It is tradition that a husband carry a wife over the threshold of their new home, and seeing as you don't have a husband, I thought I should do the honours." He winks again, and I smile at Alice's stunned face.

Then I turn around.  
The room is _beautiful_.

There's a love seat and a big squishy armchair in front of a crackling fire, and there's my favourite rug from the dormitory, laying in front of the fire. My favourite throw is laid out on the love seat, and there's a tartan blanket, faded with age, folded neatly on the armchair.

Stairs on either side of the room lead out of sight, and Alice and I practically fly up the stairs to my bedroom. There's a huge double bed, covered with my floral quilt from home, and all of my clothes are hanging up in my wardrobe. A massive en-suite bathroom next door has a shower and a bath, but as there are grey towels in there as well, I'm guessing that I will have to share with James.  
I don't care.  
This is perfect.

I run down the stairs, taking them two at a time, where James is slouched on the love seat. I perch on the end, and he hands me my blanket, smiling. I wave at Alice as she leaves with Frank, and stick my tongue out at Sirius who leaves shortly after, complaining about James being Head Boy and 'not him, the family outcast'.  
I burrow into my blanket, staring into the depths of the fire.

"Some common room, huh, Lily?"  
"It's amazing..."  
I gaze up at the mantelpiece above the fire, where there is a picture of 2 people, laughing. Summoning it quickly with a flick of my wand, I smile at the sight of me and James laughing in the snow. He's flicking slush at me, and I think I'm threatening to castrate him again, but we are obviously joking around, with wide grins on both of our faces.  
I'm wearing my grey pea coat and green hat, but I have a too long Gryffindor scarf wrapped around my neck. It's James'.  
He's wearing my green scarf, tied around his waist like a belt.  
We look like friends.  
We look like we could be more.

Nudging him with my shoulder, I pass him the picture. "Do you remember that?"  
"Yeah..." he mutters, "Fifth year, wasn't it?"  
"Yep. At Christmas. Neither of us went home, remember? Marlene took a picture of us while we were arguing."  
"We don't look like we're arguing." he ponders, a thoughtful smile curving on his lips.  
"No." I agree, "No we don't."  
"You look beautiful there, see? You don't look beautiful when you're mad, you look hot." Why am I blushing?!

"There's a system for describing girls using different adjectives?"  
"Yep. Sirius and I developed it."  
"Yeah- wait...you said I looked beautiful?"  
" I suppose..." He's grinning sheepishly, obviously waiting for the explosion.  
"Thanks, James." I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek.

Tingles erupt across my lips, and I'm pretty sure that I'm the same colour as my hair. My heart is thumping wildly, and I practically sprint up the stairs.  
I stop at the landing as I hear James calling after me:  
"Lily? Are you okay?"  
"Uh-huh. Goodnight!"  
"Sweet dreams, then."

Flinging the door open, I lay down on my bed, looking up at the top of my four-poster bed, desperately trying to calm myself down.  
 _You don't like him, Lily, and even if you did you couldn't date him, because of the truce._  
I know that I should feel relieved and happy; no more annoying Potter asking you out.  
Yet I don't.

As I slip off my robes and climb into my pyjamas, I find myself analysing our conversation!  
 _If he said "You look beautiful there.", then does that mean that he thinks I looked beautiful, past tense, but don't now? Or does he think that I look beautiful when we're not arguing? Why would he say that in the first place? Why am I analysing our conversation? Is that a sign that I like him?_

I picture him in my mind: scruffy hair, hazel eyes behind those glasses, chiselled face. He's not perfect, like Diggory. Then, I'm not perfect. Neither is James. Do I want perfection?

I don't think so.

He's being sweet, and kind and if I'm not mistaken, flirty, but he has kept to the terms of the truce. Normally, he would have asked me out at the feast, but he didn't, and we haven't fought, or come near to fighting at all.

He got mad at Sirius because his friend didn't ensure my safety, and he looked worried when he saw the small cut on my cheek. He only brought Sirius in the common room because I let Alice in, and carried me across the entrance of the common room to make me laugh.  
He handed me my blanket, and sat on the love seat and called me beautiful.

Is that what a potential boyfriend would do? Or what a good friend would do?  
Boys are so confusing.  
Yet they all manage to make me flustered.

 **Go raibh maith agat, (May you have goodness)  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	6. Grateful

**Disclaimer: Surprise, surprise, I don't own this characters! Reviews are welcome, like usual. Enjoy xx**

The next morning, I wake up early, with a smile on my face. I try to remember my dream, but it slips away before I can grasp the details.  
I can remember one thing, though: it was about James.  
Curse that confusing, sweet, flirty, arrogant, funny, kind, annoying prat.

My smile fades slightly when I see the time: it has just turned six, so it's too early for well...everything. Pulling my favourite cream jumper over my pyjama t-shirt, I skip down the stairs and jump onto the love seat, grabbing my book, _Pride and Prejudice,_ from the coffee table. Next to it, there's a steaming mug of hot chocolate with a note tied to it with a piece of green ribbon. Smiling, I pick it up and read it:

 _Lily,  
I heard you like hot chocolate.  
I've gone out for a run, I heard you getting up and left this here. It's got a heating charm on it, so you might want to do the counter-curse before you drink it. I'll be back in about 20 minutes, so if you want the shower first, I would go now._

 _JP_

Curse that confusing, sweet, flirty, arrogant, funny, kind, annoying prat again.  
WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THIS TO ME? He's being so...so...JAMES!  
He's right though, I love hot chocolate.

Carrying the hot chocolate carefully, I climb the stairs to the bathroom and set my hot chocolate down on the shelf outside the bathroom, carefully untying the note and placing it on my bedside table, weaving the slim ribbon through my fingers. Running the shower, I undress quickly and wash my hair, watching the suds run down the plughole. When I'm done, I wrap the nearest towel around me, and walk into my bedroom. It's only when I pass the mirror, my wet hair sticking to my shoulders, that I notice that the towel is grey. It's James'. I sigh. Great. He's going to have to use mine, and it's going to be too small for him.

After dressing in my school uniform, I dry my hair with a flick of my wand and brush through it, the silky strands floating with static electricity. Combing it back into a ponytail, I tie the green ribbon around it in a neat bow and pick up my still-hot chocolate, carrying it down into the sitting-room. It's not even seven yet, so I curl up in the squashy armchair, the tartan blanket I saw yesterday covering me. I'm sipping my hot chocolate, and reading, when James jogs in, sweaty from running, his t-shirt clinging to him.

"Hey Lily!"  
"Hiya James. Thanks for the hot chocolate."  
"No problem, Alice told me you liked it. Oh, you're using my blanket."  
"Oh...sorry." I blush and start to struggle out from under the warmth of the blanket, but he waves his hand and grins.  
"No..no don't worry. I don't mind."  
"Oh, ok, thanks. I might have accidentally used your towel though..."  
He groans, stretching, and I have to make an effort not to drool.  
"Ok, Petal. When are you going down to breakfast?"  
"I-I'm not sure."  
"Ok, wait for me then, will you?"  
"Ok?"  
"Yeah...Sirius won't be up for ages, and I don't want to be ambushed by that group of Hufflepuff third-year's."  
"Fair enough. Girls can be lethal."  
"Thanks Petal."  
"You're welcome, Porcupine."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When James comes down from the shower, pulling a t-shirt over his head, I'm leaning against the portrait hole, waiting for him.  
"Lils, you actually waited!"  
"Of course I did." I blink, confused. "You asked me to."  
"It's just...yeah, cool, thanks."  
"Shall we go down then?"  
"Sure."

We walk through the corridors, occasionally talking, when James points at my hair.  
"You're wearing the ribbon."  
"Uh-huh. It's pretty."  
" No, you're pretty, and it matches your eyes, so it just makes you look better. Don't give the ribbon all of the credit."

I blush and avoid his gaze, so we walk in awkward silence until we reach the Great Hall, when I speed over to Alice. Luckily, James sits a bit further away, so I explain everything that's happened in the Heads' dorms.

"-then he got me a hot chocolate, and asked if I'd wait so we could walk down to breakfast together and he said that I was pretty and I'm SO confused, Alice!"

"Hmmm...so do you like him?"

"I don't know, Alice! He's annoying, but sweet, protective and kind. He's arrogant, but funny and generous. I don't know if I like him, but I don't think that I can keep up this truce much longer. I don't want him to ask me out, but he is great, and I can't stop blushing around him!"

"You like him."

"What?!"

"You like him, definitely. You're showing all the signs."

"Fine. So WHAT DO I DO?!"

"Woah! Calm down, Lils. I don't know yet, Frank asked me out and I said yes, but you two have made a deal to not go out, basically."

I start to protest, but then James calls out to me. "Can you pass me the butter, Petal?"

"Sure, Porcupine. Here," I throw the small pot quickly and he catches it with one hand.

"Thanks, Petal." Alice prods me in the side and I turn to look at her, smiling broadly. She scribbles on to me on a napkin, her quick-quotes quill that she uses for note-taking flashing. ( _Alice, Lily)_

 _I see what you mean, Lils. Totally seeing the appeal._

I grab my quill out my pocket and dip it in my portable inkwell, my slanting handwriting spiky with indignation.

I don't know what you mean, Alice. He is perfectly ordinary. Besides, you have Frank!

 _I know, Lily, but a girl can dream!_ He doesn't like me like that, anyway, Alice.

 _No, he lurvvves you! You're his "Petal."_

Perhaps, but I don't know if I want to be his flower.

 **Arigato,**

 **She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	7. Honest

**Disclaimer: Yep, you guessed it, I own nothing that you recognise.  
I want to thank the Guest that reviewed, it's people like you that make me want to keep writing. Enjoy this one xx  
**

Over the next few days, I try to stay as distant from James as possible, but my attempts are useless, as we live practically in the same room.

Both of us are honouring the truce, and we have a kind of routine now. In the morning, I get up at six, and James has already left for his run, always leaving me a hot chocolate on the coffee table, sometimes in different flavours. I shower first, then him, then we go to breakfast. After dinner, I usually go to the Gryffindor common room for a bit, and he goes off with the Marauders. We usually meet around nine, and talk about Head stuff, as we start our rounds next week, before I go up to bed.

He's being strangely polite, occasionally arrogant, and quite secretive. Sometimes, I swear he just appears outside the Heads' Dorm, or the Great Hall before dinner. It's weird, eerie, but I didn't have the courage to talk to him about it until now.

We're sitting the in the Heads' common room, him writing a letter, when I finally build up the courage to ask him. "James?"  
He looks up from his parchment, frowning. "Yeah?"  
"How do you do it?"  
"Do what?" He looks worried now.  
"Appear out of nowhere. It's making me nervous."  
James laughs loudly and picks up his wand. "I'll show you." Swishing his wand, he mutters under his breath and a thick cloak comes flying down the stairs that lead up to his room.  
Laughing at my stunned expression, he swings it around his torso, and I gasp as he completely disappears. I walk quickly over to where he was standing, and wave my hand around. He's not there.  
"James...stop it!" I whisper, because I can hear him moving around, but he still doesn't reveal himself. Running over to the couch, I go to pick up my wand, but it's not there. "James... are you there?" I'm panicking slightly now, head cocked, listening for the sound of footsteps.

Suddenly, he barrels into me from behind, picks me up, and chucks me onto the armchair, laughing hysterically. I snatch at the air, and yank off his cloak to reveal him doubling over with laughter, clutching both of our wands. I punch him hard on the arm, so he yowls in pain and drops my wand, and then I point it at him, trying not to burst into laughter.

"If you," I hiss, "if you EVER do that again, I will personally ensure that you do not have children."  
He tries to sober up, but keeps laughing. "So you like my Cloak?"  
Although I'm still mad, I can't help but laugh at the idea of him creeping around the room with me calling after him.  
He's choking, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "The...look...on...your...face...Merlin."  
Sitting down on the arm of the big chair that I'm sprawled in, he throws his arm around my shoulders and starts to fiddle with the ribbon in my hair.  
It's only then that I notice how close we are.

He seems to notice this too, because the laughter dies in his throat and he looks at me, hazel eyes staring into mine, making my breath hitch in my throat. His face is so close to mine, that if I moved an inch, we would be kissing.  
Leaning in closer, he studies my face intently, and I find myself counting the gold flecks in his eyes.  
There are too many to count.

He's got a strange expression on his face, like joy, but more, like he's about to scream, or cry, or both. I can feel the warmth radiating off of him, and I just want to be near to him, to touch him, to hug him.  
To kiss him.  
I want to be with him.  
There, I said it.  
I want to be with him so badly that it hurts.

The clanging bell that signals the beginning of curfew echoes through the room, and I practically jump out of my skin, falling off the chair and landing with a 'thump' on the floor. James jumps too, off the arm, and puts his hand out, offering to help me up. I take it with a grateful smile, and stand up, brushing non-existent dirt off my robes, trying to hide the blush that only James Potter can send to my cheeks.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

As I skip down the stairs the next morning, I'm surprised to see James sitting on the red love seat, running his hand through his hair. I walk over quietly, and sit down next to him, smiling as he jumps.  
"Morning, Petal."  
"Morning. How come you didn't go for your run?"  
"Didn't feel like it." He sets his wand down on the table and shifts his body around, turning to face me.  
"Look, Lily, we can't just pretend that last night never happened."  
I sigh, and tuck my hair behind my ears. "Ok."  
He blinks, "Is that it?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You're the smart one, the one with the ideas. What should we do?"  
 _Ok, Lily, think before you speak. Think before you-  
"_We could just carry on as normal."  
 _THAT WASN'T THINKING!  
_ He looks vaguely upset, but nods assent. "Alright then, we will-"  
"Or," I blurt out, "Or, we could just see how things go." The happy look on his face tells me that I've said the right thing, and I'm smiling like an idiot.

"Do you want to come with me to get your hot chocolate?"  
"Sure."  
He leads me out of the portrait hole, through the corridors, down towards a passage near the Hufflepuff common room, where there's a large painting of a fruit bowl. Stroking the pear, he grins at my gasp when the pear turns into a large green doorknob. Seizing it, I turn it sharply and push it open, walking into a large kitchen.

House-elves scurry around, carrying various types of food and calling out to each other.  
"Mister James is here!" A small elf, obviously female, runs up to us, an empty mug in her hands. Her huge, light-blue eyes are filled with excitement, and she's hopping from one foot to another.  
"What can we get you Mister James and his friend?"  
"I've come for the daily hot chocolate, please, Sooky."  
"What flavour?"  
"Actually, they are for Lily here. What flavour, Petal?"  
"Peppermint, please." The house-elf squeaks in acknowledgement and points at the empty mug, which fills with the fragrant drink. Thanking her profusely, we exit the kitchen and walk down the corridor, stopping by a tapestry with a bench next to it. Sitting down, I sip my delicious drink, and place it carefully on the floor, then lean against James, who slips his arm around my shoulders.

"Thanks James."  
"It's no problem."  
"Except it is. You come down here every morning to get me a drink!"  
"You're worth it, Petal."  
"Not really."  
"No, Lily." He places a hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him.  
"You're worth it."

So that's how I know that I've fallen in love with James Potter.

 **Takk,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	8. Victorious (no copyright intended)

**Disclaimer: You know the drill...I own nothing you recognise. This chapter has a major cliffhanger, so remember, reviews will make me update faster! Enjoy xx**

Earlier, at lunch, James and I decided to do rounds tonight, as a kind of practice for next week, so that we know the quickest routes. If I'm being honest, I just glad for an excuse to be alone with him.

I'm pacing in our common room, nervously biting my nails, when he walks in from the portrait hole, clutching his beloved broom. He's covered in mud and sweat, and still wearing his Quidditch robes.  
"Hey Petal. I'll be down in a sec, I just want to change out of these."  
"Ok then. I'll stay down here."  
Five minutes later, he comes bounding down the stairs, clutching his Invisibility Cloak and stuffing a piece of parchment into his pocket. "What have you got the Cloak for?"  
"I thought we could have some fun, if we do find anyone." He grins, and I find myself grinning too; his enthusiasm is infectious. "Cool. Let's go, then."

We're just passing the Ravenclaw common room, when I see him checking his weird pocket watch, the one covered with suns and planets, and roman numerals, with seven hands. I tap him on the shoulder and smile as he nearly drops the watch. "How do you tell the time with _that_?"  
He chuckles, and ducks inside an empty classroom, sitting on top of one of the desks. Placing it carefully on the desk in front of me, he points at the different hands.

"These two hands tell the time, you know, hour and minute hands. This one tells the month, and this one tells the year, and these three tell you where the moon is, Mars is, and Saturn, as they are the most important planets for Astronomy and Divination."

I'm stunned, grinning faintly. "So, what can you find out using the positions of those planets?"  
He mock-groans, and runs his hand through his hair. "Well...give me your hand, I'll read your palm."  
"Okay..." I'm a bit nervous; I've never liked Divination.  
He strokes the lines down my palm, making me shiver, and my palm feels like it's on fire.

"Your head line...connects...here." he's muttering under his breath, and I strain to hear what he's saying. "Love line...there. Petal, you have an interesting hand, that's for sure."  
"Awww, thanks Porcupine, I've always liked it." We laugh quietly, and as he releases my hand, I release a breath that I didn't realise I was holding. "So...your verdict, Dr Potter?"  
"You will find love sometime in the near future, and it will surprise everyone, but not you, because you already love them." He relays in an ominous voice.

I gasp, drawing in a sharp intake of breath, and beam at him. "Thanks James."  
"You're welcome? You should know though, that palm-reading isn't always reliable, and I'm crap at Divination." I giggle, and drag him out of the classroom.

We walk along in silence for a while, my palm still tingling. It's only when we reach the Astronomy Tower that we find two Slytherins, snogging, hiding behind a pillar. Laughing silently, James impersonates the blond boy. "Narcissa..." he moans, and I giggle, then clap my hands over my mouth, praying they didn't hear.  
"Let's do the plan then." he whispers, and I tilt my chin up defiantly, tightening my ponytail.

I step forward, with James next to me, hidden by the Invisibility Cloak, his hand on my shoulder. "20 points from Slytherin." The couple breaks apart, and I realise that the boy is Malfoy. James' grip tightens on my shoulder, and I can feel him tensing, going into the fighting stance.

"What is the Mudblood doing so far from home?"  
"You probably don't remember, _Malfoy,_ but I'm Head Girl, and it's my job to remove scum from the castle." I smile sweetly, and I can feel James shaking with laughter next to me. "Get going, Malfoy, Narcissa."  
"You expect _me_ to listen to filth like _you?"  
_ " Well, obviously, or I wouldn't have bothered to tell you what to do." James snorts, and the sound makes me bold.  
"Do you need me to spell it out? Go back to your cave. NOW!"  
"Where's the so-called noble Head Boy, huh? He'll probably appear to save his b-" I'm shaking with fury and I can feel James drawing his wand, so I wave my hand down, the signal that we agreed on.

Malfoy goes flying backwards, and falls to the floor, and Narcissa shrieks, staring at my empty hands.  
"Never learnt wandless magic, huh, Malfoy? It's something only good wizards learn though, so I doubt you could manage it. Oh, and yes, I do dare to say your name blah...blah...blah. I am NOT worthless. I am worth a damn sight more than YOU. Go back to your dormitories."  
With that, I turn and skip around the corner, out of their sight.

James and I run through the corridor until we reach our dorms, and we burst into the room, laughing hysterically. He's impersonating Malfoy, and I'm just laughing, doubled over, gasping for breath.  
"Then you said...you said...'It's my job to remove scum from this castle'..." he's still laughing, collapsed on the rug in front of the coffee table.

Hiccupping, I have a sudden brainwave, and summon my camera from my bedroom, and call James over.  
"Come here, I want to take a picture." Picking himself up, he calls out "Sooky!" I stare at him, confused, until the house-elf apparates into the room with a loud 'crack'.  
"Can you take a picture, please, Sooky?"  
"Course, Mister James." James slips his arm around my waist, and we laugh at the camera. The house-elf hands me back my camera, curtseys, and disappears with a 'pop'. Waiting for the picture for develop, he grabs his homework and starts to write the Potions essay due tomorrow, the one I did weeks ago.

I wave the picture around, and smile as the picture comes into view. Tapping it with my wand, I smile happily at the sight of us laughing at the camera, hanging onto each other. "James..."  
"Yes Petal?"  
"Look at this..." He takes the picture out of my outstretched hand and looks down at it, grinning.  
"It's beautiful, Lily." I go up to the mantelpiece and slide the picture of the castle out of its frame, then take the picture gently out of James' hand, and set the picture in pride of place in the center of mantelpiece.

James comes up behind me and slides his arms around me. "You were brilliant, Lily."  
"You were too."  
"I was nothing compared to you." His voice sounds strange, so I turn to look at him.

I turn to look at him and..  
He leans down and kisses me.

 **I'm sorry! You'll have to wait for the next one!  
** **Obrigada,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	9. Loved

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the last one! I decided to be nice and post this one earlier than I planned at first.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. Nothing!  
**

 _Previously:  
_ _James comes up behind me and slides his arms around me. "You were brilliant, Lily."_  
 _"You were too."_  
 _"I was nothing compared to you." His voice sounds strange, so I turn to look at him._

 _I turn to look at him and.._  
 _He leans down and kisses me._

 **Oooohh...what's going to happen? Enjoy xx**

Explosions. That's what I feel. Fireworks, like the ones the Marauders set off at the end of last year, are bouncing, and exploding and sparking in my stomach, my lips are tingling and I feel alive, every cell bright and sharp and buzzing.

Then he pulls away.

I look up at him, his hazel eyes dancing with what look like tears, and I can't handle the silence any longer.  
"James..."My voice is croaky and hoarse, so I try again "What..."  
"Merlin, Lily." his voice is breaking too, but he looks devastated. "I'm so sorry."  
He turns and runs up the stairs to his room, and I'm just standing there.  
Just standing there.

Did he just... _apologise_? _For kissing me?  
_ Of course he did.

I sit down, stunned, on the love seat, and try to organise my thoughts.

He apologised for kissing me, because I asked me not to ask me out, yet he kissed me without my permission.  
He assumed I would be furious, and not like him at all, so I would have killed him for kissing me without my permission. There's just one thing I can't work out:  
Why did he kiss me?

He doesn't like me like that. He can't. Sirius said...what did he say?

 _"He insulted you, and Prongs told him to take it back. Yeah...it escalated from there."_  
 _"He would do that...for me?"_  
 _"Wow...you really don't know a thing about Prongs, do you?"_  
 _"What's that supposed to mean?"_  
 _"I mean, he's done that plenty of times."_  
 _"Done what?"_  
 _"Fought with someone because of you."  
_

 _"You really don't get it, Evans?"_  
 _"NO!"_  
 _"He likes you."_

Was Sirius telling the truth?  
There's only one way to find out.

I get up, and sprint out of the portrait hole, down the corridor, barely noticing as run through ghosts. Skidding to a stop at the Gryffindor common room, I snap out the password, ignore the Fat Lady's warning about being out after curfew, and push my way through to the main sofa, where the Marauders are sitting, Peter and Remus playing Gobstones.

"Black!"  
He sighs, and looks up at me. "What, Evans?"  
"Get here. NOW."  
"I didn't do anything!"  
"It's about James." Pushing off of the sofa, he leads me up to the boys' dorms, and into a messy room that I'm guessing he sleeps in. "What's happened to Prongs now, Evans?"  
"He kissed me."

The effect is instantaneous; Sirius pales and whistles, sitting down on a bed covered in motorcycle magazines.  
"Finally did it, huh?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Well, it was only a matter of time, I knew he would eventually. Then what happened?"  
"He said he was sorry, and then ran up to his room."  
"Typical Potter. You know, his dad hid for two days after he first kissed his mother?"  
Despite my desperation, I giggle at the idea. "I can totally see James doing that.""  
"So what are you going to do about it, Evans?"  
"I don't know! That's the reason I broke curfew to come here!"  
"That desperate to see me, huh, Evans?" I punch him hard on the arm, and smile as he cries out.  
"Woah...you got a good punch there, Evans."  
"So what should I do?!"  
He shrugs "Kiss him again?"  
"You're hopeless!"

I turn and walk briskly out of the room, and run up the stairs to the 7th year girls' dormitory.  
"Alice! I need urgent help!" She's sitting on her bed, painting her toenails with her tongue sticking out in concentration, but she looks up when I run in and sit next to her. "What's up, Lils?"  
"James...kissed me." I mutter, and a broad grin stretches across her face. She carefully does up the nail varnish bottle, before bouncing up and down on her bed.  
"I knew it! I knew it! Hang on...why are here and not kissing the dreamboat?"  
"Because he apologised and ran up to his room! This is a major problem, and Black did not help at all!"  
"You're right Lils. This is a substantial problem."  
"Well! What do I do?!"  
"Kiss him again?"  
"Why does everyone KEEP saying that?"  
"Maybe because they're right?"  
"How is that right? Him kissing me, then apologising, then I go and kiss him. What if he didn't mean to kiss me?"  
"What, so he just fell and his lips happened to meet yours?"  
"Possibly..."  
"Lily, you have to be honest with yourself. Did you want that kiss to be real? Or an accident?"  
"I don't know!"  
"Lily! You must know! Look, what's your favourite colour?"  
"Green."  
"What's your favourite drink?"  
"Hot chocolate."  
"Who's Head Boy?"  
"James."  
"Do you like James?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you want to kiss him again?"  
"Yes. Wait..."  
"See, Lily! You do like him! You do want to kiss him again! Go back to that amazing dorm and go and kiss him, and like it!"  
I smile sheepishly. "Ok, Alice." She blows me a kiss and picks up her bottle of nail varnish, so I get up and walk down the stairs, filled with a new kind of energy.

Black blocks my exit, smirking. "What are going to do now?"  
"Kiss him again."  
"That's my girl."  
Normally that would have annoyed me, but I just laugh. "Don't let James hear you saying that."  
He snorts, and moves out of the way, and I walk quickly down to the Head's dorm, careful to avoid the places where I know Filch frequents at night.

Quietly pushing open the door, I skip over to the coffee table and glance at the parchment on it. What I thought was a Potions essay is actually an unfinished letter, addressed to Euphemia Potter, who I'm guessing is James' mother. I don't mean to be nosy, but the sight of his familiar handwriting encourages me. I sit down, pick it up and start to read:

 _Dear Mum,  
How are you? I would say I'm fine, except I'm not. Remember I told you about Lily getting Head Girl? Well...we're sharing a common room, and I don't think I can bear it any longer. We're so close now, good friends, but I can't handle it, being so close to her, but not getting to hold her, hugging her, but not kissing her. __I get her a hot chocolate every morning, and the smile on my face makes it worth it._ _She's amazing, kind, and sweet, and can stand up for herself.  
You'd like her.  
Dad would have liked her. _

_I know loads of stupid stuff about her too, like that her favourite colour is green, because it matches her eyes, and that her favourite drink is hot chocolate, in any flavour, but she especially likes peppermint. I know that she likes tying ribbons in her hair, and reading romance novels, and hates waking up early, but wakes up early anyway so that we can both take showers. I know that she bites her nails when she's nervous, and has ridiculously small feet. I know that she has a Muggle sister that hates her, and her owl is called Papilio, which means butterfly, because she loves butterflies. I know that she likes wearing her hair in bunches, but doesn't because she thinks people will tease her._

 _I wouldn't tease her._

 _I want to look into her eyes and_ _tie a ribbon in her hair.  
_ _I'd let her sleep in, and I'd stop her from being nervous.  
_ _I want her to tie her hair up in bunches and laugh, because when she does, I feel like I'm flying._

The letter goes on, but I'm crying too hard to read the rest of it.

 **Awww...he's sooooo sweet!  
What do you think? Will they kiss? Or will she chicken out? Let me know what you think should happen by clicking that 'Review' button.  
Grazie,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
**


	10. Defiant

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. (Does anyone know if I have to write this every time?)  
Enjoy xx**

 _Previously:  
_ _Dear Mum,  
How are you? I would say I'm fine, except I'm not. Remember I told you about Lily getting Head Girl? Well...we're sharing a common room, and I don't think I can bear it any longer. We're so close now, good friends, but I can't handle it, being so close to her, but not getting to hold her, hugging her, but not kissing her.  
I know that she likes wearing her hair in bunches, but doesn't because she thinks people will tease her. I wouldn't tease her.  
I want her to tie her hair up in bunches and laugh, because when she does, I feel like I'm flying._

 _The letter goes on, but I'm crying too hard to read the rest of it._

Wiping away my tears, I place the note gently down on the table and climb the stairs to his room, listening for any signs of movement, but I can't hear anything. I call out "James?", but there's no answer, so he must have gone somewhere else. There's no way he would be in there and ignore me. I may not always know what to do, but I know my friends.  
I know James Potter.

The room is empty when I push open the door, and it's dark. He never opens the curtains in his bedroom; I remember him telling me, with a pang of sadness. Checking the time on my watch, I groan as I realise that it's nearly 11. I'm tired from running all over the place, but I don't want to miss _him_ if he comes back in later, so I scramble down the stairs and summon my pyjamas, slipping them on over my bra and knickers.

Curling up in the large armchair after folding up my uniform neatly, I pull James' blanket over me and stare into the depths of the fire until I'm tired enough to fall asleep.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When I wake up, there's a peppermint hot chocolate on the table in front of me, and there's still no sign of James. The sun is streaming through the open curtains, and the old blanket is tucked around me tightly. Although I'm still worried about what I'm going to do about the kiss, the fact that I'm curled up in his blanket comforts me, and also that he's come into the room and left me the drink, like it's a normal day.  
Like it's a normal day.

It's a Saturday, so there aren't any lessons, so I could easily curl up and go back to sleep...  
But I won't.

Folding up the old tartan blanket, I place it in its original position on the sofa and climb the stairs to my room, sipping my hot chocolate. The familiar taste calms me, and I smile as I look at the mantelpiece where the picture of us is sat. Performing a quick washing and drying charm on my hair, (I can't be bothered to shower) I pull it up into two bunches, securing it with two pieces of green ribbon, and dress in a grey tunic and black legging, with a green cardigan.

Whether I like it or not, I know a lot of things about James too. He never opens his curtains in his bedroom, unless it's Christmas, to see if it's snowing. He hates lavender shampoo, and would drink gravy, if he could. His dad died during the Christmas holidays last year. I also know that he likes me.  
I hope he likes me as much as I like him.

It feels strange, walking down to breakfast alone. I haven't done it all year so James can't have either, as we always walk down together. I wish we were walking down together.  
Malfoy jeers at me as I walk past, but he might as well be insulting a brick wall; it would care more than I do.

As I enter the Great Hall, Alice waves at me from the Gryffindor table, so I hurry over, my eyes searching the length of it for him.  
He's not there.  
Alice budges up to let me sit down, and immediately starts quizzing me. "What happened, Lils? Did you kiss again? Did you make up?"  
"Nothing happened, I couldn't find him. He still got me a drink, though."  
"Don't worry Evans." Sirius leans forward, waving his fork knowingly. "He goes to the Quidditch pitch when he's upset. You should go and see him in a bit, it'll make him feel better."  
"Okay then, I'll go after breakfast."

Just then, someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around, nearly cricking my neck, shivering in anticipation.  
It's not James.  
It's Amos Diggory.

"Lily, babe. You. Me. First Hogsmeade weekend ." He flashes me a winning smile that would make most girls melt, and turns away, sauntering over to the Hufflepuff table. I look at Alice who's practically drooling, and at Sirius, who looks like he's about to throw something.

Standing up, I walk quickly over to where Amos is sitting, and tap him on the shoulder, so he leans around, hopefully cricking his neck painfully.  
"Yes, babe?"  
"Turns out I have plans on that weekend."  
"You can't do, they haven't announced the date yet."  
"No, no, you must misunderstand me. You see, I have several possible plans, but none of them involve _you_."  
It's then that I realise that the whole Hall is silent, like everyone is holding their breath. He mutters something under his breath, and I laugh. A loud, cheerful, real laugh.  
"Way to get the girl, Diggory. Insult her. Great seduction technique. Oh...and don't call me babe."  
I wink playfully at his furious face, and walk slowly back to my seat, my footsteps echoing around the quiet Hall. Sitting down, I start helping myself to toast.

After a few minutes of stunned silence, the Hall starts to fill up with noise again: indistinct chatter and the clinking of knives and forks on plates. Alice is sitting still, mouth hanging open, flabbergasted, but Sirius is grinning as he tucks into kippers, so it feels like a victory.

A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

 **Haristo,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	11. Playful

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. (Does anyone know if I have to do this? Anyone?)  
Will they kiss? You'll have to wait and see...**

Pulling my hand down further, I slosh through another puddle and groan as water soaks through my canvas shoes. As I finally arrive at the top of the stands of the Quidditch pitch, I squint at the black figure zooming around in the pouring rain. "James POTTER!"  
The figure halts in mid-air and flies over to just above me, hovering, blown slightly off-course by the wind.

"You'll get a cold if you stay out here much longer, Petal." I ignore the jibe, and try to stop my voice from shaking.  
"Why have you been ignoring me?"  
"Look, Lily, I'm sorry-"  
"Shut up, and get down here. NOW!"  
"Ok, Merlin...calm down."  
"Do NOT tell me to calm down! Get down here!" I point at the soaked wooden seats in front of me, and he soars down, landing lightly in front of me. He smiles when his eyes catch my hair, and he ruffles his own. I take a deep breath, and push the wet hair escaping my pigtails behind my ears. "You kissed me last night."  
"Kind of..."  
"And then you apologised?"  
"Of course I did! We made a deal, and then I didn't just break it, I send it soaring down in flames."  
"Look, we can just forget it if you want?" _Please don't want to. Please._  
"Ok then." He looks upset, but lets it go. _Damn.  
"_Do you remember that time in first year? You said that my hair looked like it was on fire."  
He smirks. "Yeah, and you said you'd do a spell on me, as soon as you learnt how."

We laugh, our voices nearly inaudible amidst the pouring rain. He looks at me, with that strange look on his face again, and it's then that I realise what it is.  
It's longing.  
 _Damn._

"Did you hear how I rejected Diggory?"  
"That git? What happened?"

I explain what happened, using exaggerated facial expressions, and I'm once again surprised by how intently he listens. Most boys would just nod and smile, and pretend to listen, but not James. He always gives you his full attention, something I admire in him. His face contorts with anger when he hears what the supposed "dreamboat" called me, and his face creases with laughter when I tell him how I shot the boy down.

When I've finished, I look over at him, at his wire-rimmed glasses, his beautiful hazel eyes, and his spiky, black hair, which he runs his hand through, so I'm splattered with raindrops. As we walk back up to the castle, pushing and shoving each other playfully, he bends down and picks me, so I fling my arms around his neck. Apparently that was the desired effect, because he smirks cockily, and bends down slightly to whisper in my ear, his breath hot on my neck, sending tingles running down my spine.  
 _Why does he keep torturing me like this? Surely he knows how it feels!_

"Could I be one of your 'possible plans' for Hogsmeade, Petal? As friends, of course..."  
"Sure, Porcupine."  
Setting me down lightly, he puts his hand between my shoulder blades, and pushes me forwards slightly, so I start to walk. Not wanting to let him annoy me like that, I punch him softly on the arm, and run through the corridor, yelling "You're it!"

I round a corner and hide quickly behind a pillar, as he comes jogging around the corner, deciding to pay him back for the other night. "Lily?" I giggle quietly and cup my hands around my mouth, so my voice echoes, and speak in a ghostly voice.

"You should have never let me see your Invisibility Cloak, James Potter."  
He swears underneath his breath and continues walking down the hallway past my hiding spot. He's looking around now, broomstick abandoned on the floor, wand raised. I slip off my sodden flats, and tip-toe behind him, before blowing lightly on his neck. He shivers and raises his wand higher, like I'd hoped. I crane my neck up even higher, balancing on my tip-toes to whisper in his ear, as he's ridiculously tall.  
"Boo?!"

I leap backwards as he jumps high in the air, and I collapse, laughing hysterically. He whirls around, and I'm kneeling on the floor, tears of mirth pouring down my cheeks, slipping on my ballet flats. "Your...face...Merlin, Potter..." He steps forward, his wand lying forgotten on the floor, and bends over me, his hazel eyes glittering.  
He looks so handsome, I swear my heart practically stops.  
No, seriously.

"It is on, Evans. It is on."  
I scramble to my feet and try to run, but he grabs me around the waist and lifts me up into the air, tickling me mercilessly. I'm kicking and shrieking and laughing, but he takes no notice and just keeps on smirking.

Then, Alice comes round the corner, hand-in-hand with Frank, and screams at the sight of us. James winces, and drops me lightly to the floor, so I scurry over and hide behind Frank.  
"WHAT is going on?" Alice says firmly, and I speak up, peering over her shoulder.  
"Well...to make a long story short..ummm...how do we make this long story short, Potter?"  
I'm smiling now, looking questioningly at James, who's looking a bit flustered, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Well...Lily scared me, so I...kind of-"  
"Manhandled her?!" Alice sounds horrified, and I laugh at James' face.  
"No, he didn't manhandle me. We were just...having a argument? Yep, having an argument. And...I won! So...James was...sulking!"  
"I was not!" he shrieks indignantly, but I shake my head at him and wink at Alice knowingly.  
"See? He's in denial."  
"I am NOT in denial!" he whines, and Alice and I start to giggle.

"Hang on... I thought you guys hated each other." Frank looks confused, and I grin at James, who still looks disgruntled. "Oh, we do..." My _dear_ friend grumbles darkly, running his hand through his hair. I step over to his side, and he pokes me in the side, so I squirm away.  
"We don't hate each other, we just have a truce that we both agreed on, don't we James?"

Frank frowns. "So why do you act like you're going out?"  
"We're special, Frank, you have to understand. Potter here is my...friend." I pick my words carefully, and James nods assent. "Besides, we do NOT."

Alice raises her eyebrows. "Sure."  
I go to reply hotly, but James is ready for her sarcasm. "Do you need a cloth, Day?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I thought that you might want a cloth, you know, to wipe off the sarcasm dripping down your chin."  
Frank turns purple, and Alice gasps, mouth hanging open slightly.  
James and I high-five, he picks up his wand, and we run off down the Hall, snickering and calling out to them, as we turn the corner to our rooms.  
"Bye Frank, Alice!"  
"Yeah, and pick up your jaw from the floor, Day!"

I smile as we skid to a stop in front of the door, and watch James double over with laughter, the rain pattering heavily on the window.

 **Ooooh! You really think I'd give you the kiss that soon?! Follow and favourite this story to find out what happens next, and I do like reviews (hint, hint)!  
** **Diolch,  
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	12. Shocked

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! NOTHING!**

I swear the world is conspiring against me.  
Seriously!

We had double Potions, ON A MONDAY MORNING! Then, we had Care of Magical Creatures, in the RAIN, and now we have DADA, and I hate the professor. She's acts so pathetic and fluttery, but she knows just how to humiliate you so that it stings. Today, she expects us to create a corporeal Patronus, and that's hard! Most fully-trained wizards can't create a proper Patronus, with an animal form. I bet her Patronus would be a wasp, if she could do one. I bet she can't.  
I'm sitting in my seat, stomach grumbling, as it's lunch next, when she suddenly announces "Wands out!", like we didn't already have them out. We're at a school of magic, for goodness' sake!

I sit next to James in Defence, so we usually swap notes at the end to make sure that neither of us have missed anything, but now he's sitting up straight, not writing anything, and when Professor Oola tells up to stand up, he does it so enthusiastically that he knocks his chair over. After a lot of groaning, the whole class is up on their feet, wands raised. I look at James, who's grinning broadly, and grumble. "Who put a Cheering Charm on you?"

He laughs, "It's just that I can do this. Mum taught me over the holidays. Have you tried before?"  
I shake my head and try to remember what it said in my textbook about the Patronus Charm. Desperately racking my brain for a powerful happy memory, I focus on when I first entered the Great Hall, and wave my wand.  
"Expecto Patronum."

A wisp of silvery vapour billows from the end of my wand, and James puts his hand on my arm, so I turn to look at him.  
"You're nearly there, Lily! It has to be a really powerful memory, the happiest you've ever felt. Let it fill you up." He gives me a moment to think, and then covers my hand with his, guiding it. As I bring my wand down and whisper the incantation, I think of the boy next to me, his hand covering mine.

I think of running in the rain, and laughing by a fire.  
I think of peppermint hot chocolate and faded tartan blankets.  
I think of black, messy hair and warm hazel eyes.

I think of James Potter.

A beautiful, glowing doe erupts from the tip of my wand and canters around the classroom, stopping in front of Alice, and head-butting her; the Patronus just goes straight through my friend. My doe trots over to James, who looks like he's about to faint for some reason, bowing her head underneath his hand, and rubs her head against his leg. Then, she walks over to me, stares at me with beautiful, regal eyes and disappears in a swirl of white mist, flying around my head in a circle before fading into nothing as I lose my concentration.

Alice beams over at me and Remus claps politely so I smile gratefully at them, before turning to talk to James. However he's not there, he's huddled next to a desk with Sirius, conducting a heated conversation in whispers, and I can hear snatches of it.  
"-a doe, Padfoot,"  
-ask the Professor!"  
"-means?"

Just then, the bell goes for lunch and everyone starts filing out, chattering excitedly, and Sirius claps James on the shoulder before bounding out after Remus and Peter. I look over at James, who's fiddling with his bag strap, and apparently waiting for everyone to leave. I cross the room quickly and touch him on the shoulder tentatively.  
"Is everything okay?" He jumps, and rubs the back of his neck, a faint blush staining his neck.  
"Yeah, I just want to ask Oola something. You don't have to wait for me, just go down to lunch. I'll be there in a minute."

I nod, and walk out of the classroom, but wait by the door; I'm worried abut him.  
He approaches the teacher's desk quietly, and she looks up from the stack of parchment on her overflowing desk. "Oh, how may I help you, Mr Potter?"  
Taking a deep breath, he ruffles his hair and asks in a tentative voice.  
"Professor, what would it mean if two people's Patroni matched?" She narrows her eyes behind her ugly spectacles.  
"Are you talking about anyone in particular , Mr Potter?"  
"No, no." He's hurrying now, his words coming out in a big rush. "I'm asking for a friend, you see."

"Very well. In the instance that two people's Patroni were identical, they would have to be related, such as a father and a son having the same Patronus. This is quite common in the wizarding world. However, if the Patroni were in the same species, but with a small variation such as gender, then the two people would most likely be perfect for each other, or "soulmates", as people are calling it these days. Personally, I think it's all tosh, but hypothetically, if two people, say a boy and a girl, were to have Patroni that were exactly the same except for the gender, then they would supposedly be perfectly fitted for each other, as their spirit animals would most likely be together in real life. This is extremely rare in the wizarding world, and is not something to be taken with a pinch of salt, as this method of determining "soulmates" can be dangerous if the two people do not get on. Does that make sense, Potter?"

James looks like he's just been dragged backwards through a hedge, and I'm just confused. _What?_  
"Yes." he stammers, breathing heavily. " Yeah, ummm t-thank you, P-Professor."  
She smiles at him, though it looks more like a grimace to me, stands up, pulls on her cloak and walks briskly out of the room without a second thought.  
I go to walk in, but stop when I see him wave his wand and mutter something.

A magnificent stag bursts from the end of his wand, gallops around the room and comes to a stop in front of him.

Dumbfounded, I swish my wand and concentrate on the memory of his lips meeting mine. My silvery doe flies out of my wand and stands next to me, her head held high, and I gasp as I look at the two Patroni in front of me.

 _"Perfect for each other."  
"soulmates"  
"perfectly fitted for each other,"  
"together."_

I know that my brain needs time to process this information, but I can't hide the fact that I know from James.  
I suck at lying to my friends.  
I'm just excellent at lying to myself.

Silently urging my Patronus forward, I pull my green hair ribbon from my hair and smile in disbelief as my doe runs up and nudges the stag, so they start bounding around, chasing each other across the desks. James looks up, and I hear him gasp as he notices my doe. Dropping my ribbon on the floor, I ignore his call of "Lily?" and hurry down to the Great Hall for lunch, fully aware that I'm no longer hungry.

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	13. Thoughtful

**Hello, readers! Enjoy xx  
Disclaimer: I'm sure you know that I don't own this! **

As I sit down for lunch, my heart is pounding.  
 _"perfect for each other..."  
"soulmates..."  
_Maybe James isn't so bad at Divination after all.

Alice taps me on the shoulder. "You okay, Lils?"  
 _I'm a lot of things right now, and 'okay' isn't one of them!_  
I mentally shake myself and try to get composed. "Yeah...yeah I'm fine."  
Then James walks into the Hall. He jogs over to where we're sitting and sits down in between Sirius, who's making a tower out of bread rolls, and Frank, who I think is trying to become a Human rubbish bin, shovelling all of the food within his reach into his already full mouth.

I catch James' eye and for a moment we look at each other, green eyes meeting hazel. He extends his hand slightly, and opens it, where my hair ribbon is curled up like a little snake. I look down at it, glance around to make sure none of my friends are looking before staring back up at him, who mouths "What did you hear?"  
I take a deep breath and move my lips, no sound coming out. "They match."

Then Sirius nudges James and, with a despairing look at me, he turns to the side, apparently discussing Quidditch. Just then, Professor Oola comes up behind him and speaks in a soft, sinister voice that sends chills down my spine.  
"Congratulations Miss Evans."  
I curl my lip in disgust. "Excuse me?"  
"You've found your soulmate, have you not?"  
James clenches his fists and, if looks could kill, this woman would be lying dead on the floor.  
"It's very rare for two students have the same Patronus, but for those two students to actively detest each other...Let's just say, it could prove dangerous. I wish you luck, Miss Evans."

I sit up as high as I can, tilt my chin up in defiance and speak in a cold clear voice.  
"I'm sorry _Professor,_ but it appears you have made a mistake. We don't hate each other at all, we're good friends." I fix her with my death stare, the one that Alice says could stop Death in his tracks, and smile sweetly. She falters slightly, before turning and walking briskly back up to the Head table.

"Ooooh, Lily, who's your soulmate?" Alice pipes up, ladling some soup into her bowl. I stare at James for help, but he just shrugs and gazes at me pleadingly, widening his eyes behind his glasses. "I...don't know!" I invent wildly, glaring at Sirius' smirking face.  
"I mean...I haven't been...told...who yet!" My friend furrows her eyebrows in confusion.  
"Huh? So why did Oola think you knew?"  
"I'm...not sure! I'll say anything to shut her up, you know me."  
Alice laughs and starts dunking her roll her in soup, as I shoot my death stare at a wilting Sirius.

The bell clangs for five minutes until the next lesson, but I'm not fazed; I have a free period next. Apparently Alice does too, as she stays sitting down as Frank, Sirius and James clamber to their feet, Frank knocking over Sirius' roll masterpiece, to many groans. Frank kisses Alice on the forehead, and Sirius waves and blows a kiss at Marlene, so I catch James' eye and grin mischievously.

The next minute, we're embracing each other, then we pull apart and I'm fake-crying dramatically. James walks down the aisle leading out of the Hall, waving slowly, calling out to me in an exaggerated sad voice. "I'll see you later, Lily dearest, if the boredom doesn't kill me first!"  
"I'll see you later, James dearest. If you die, don't worry, I'll arrange a lovely funeral for you!"  
"That's my girl!"  
He waves finally and jogs out of the Hall, leaving behind a confused Alice, an irate table of professors and me, giggling openly.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Later, in the Heads' common room, I'm sighing over a Transfiguration essay when a green ribbon falls in my lap. I turn around and smile at the supposedly empty space, reaching out and pulling over the Invisibility Cloak that's covering James. He grins sheepishly and climbs over onto the sofa, so I push my half-finished homework away, and curl up, turning to face him.

"So..." he starts, fiddling with the end of his tie nervously. "You heard my conversation with Oola, huh?"  
"Possibly..."  
"And you saw what my Patronus is?"  
I try to sound confident, but my voice comes out as a whisper. "They match, James. They match."  
He sighs loudly, and runs his hand through his hair. "I know. You know what that means, right?"  
"It's like the world wants us to be together." I ponder, tapping on the cushion next to me.  
James rolls his eyes and speaks firmly. "When... I mean, if we get together, the world will nothing to do with it."  
"Why not?"  
"Because we would get together on our own, through our own choices. The world is just giving us signs to say that if we did get together, it would be really good."  
Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. "Are you sure that you failed your Divination OWL, James? That sounded refreshingly deep and meaningful, just like that load of prediction crap."

James laughs and slouches back into the love seat, and I lean back against him.  
" I do work, you know? I didn't spend all of my holidays playing Quidditch, Lily!"  
"No, just 99% of the time?"  
"Yeah..."

We sit in silence for a moment, then I can't help but blurt out:

"Umm...James...can we summon then again?"  
"What? Our Patroni?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Sure. Why?"  
"I know it's stupid, but..." I blush as red as my hair. "I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't imagining it, last time."

He raises his wand and waves it in an arc. "Expecto Patronum." The stag from earlier stands in front of us, his head leaned toward towards me respectively. I smile as I whisper the incantation, remembering the look on James' face when I said I'd rejected Diggory.  
My silvery doe leaps gracefully out of the end of my wand and nudges the stag, so he starts to canter after her, racing around the room, leaping over the coffee table.  
I can't believe how beautiful it is.

There's a sudden knock on the door and Sirius bursts in. "So, mate, how did it go with Oola? What did she- Oh...sorry."  
My Patronus vanishes as I lose concentration and James' vanishes too.

I sit up and grin at Sirius, before jumping off the sofa, and skipping up the stairs to the bedroom. Halfway up, I hear James calling me and stop, spinning around. "Lily? You don't have to go upstairs, I just promised Padfoot I would-"  
"It's no big deal, I'm just going to see Alice." I gather up my stuff, and sling my bag over my shoulder, before walking quickly down the stairs.

James is pacing up and down, gesticulating wildly, and Sirius is sitting, cross-legged on the rug, leaning against the back of the sofa, out of James' line of sight. "-not saying about it! It's driving me-"  
"Uhhh...Prongs." Sirius winks at me, and I smile as James falters.

"Bye dearest James!" I call, amusement clear in my voice.  
"See you later, Petal." He smiles wearily.  
Sirius pouts and speaks in a mock-distressed voice. "What, I don't get a goodbye, Evans?"  
I go over and hug Sirius, grinning, and he whispers in my ear, "Keep quiet, Evans, just play along."  
Then he growls my name in a seductive voice. "Lily...Evans..."  
I don't have much experience in pretending to snog someone, surprisingly, so I just close my eyes tightly, and wait in anticipation for James to explode.

James storms around the sofa, and speaks in an angry voice. "What the hell is-" he stops when he sees Sirius laughing, and me smiling nervously, and steps forward, growling menacingly. I stand up, and yank Sirius up by the back of his robes, trying not to giggle. Sensing James' genuine anger, I wave nervously at him, grimace at Sirius and jog out of the room, frowning nervously as I hear James' annoyed yells. "It's not funny! You know how much I-"

I don't want to hear anymore.  
I jog off down the corridor to find Alice.

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	14. Upset

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own the Harry Potter franchise.  
** **Thank you to the Guests who have reviewed, it really makes me happy to know that you guys are enjoying this!  
Enjoy xx**

I push open the girls' dormitory door and smile at the sight of Alice yelling at Lauren about hogging the shower. Winking at a nervous-looking Lauren, I levitate a pillow and send it flying towards my friends' head, grinning as it smacks her on the head. She shrieks and whirls around, wand aimed at my chest, but relaxes and drops it onto her bed when she sees who it is.  
"What do you want Lils?"  
"I wanted to talk to you." I point at the door, and she rolls her eyes.  
"Yes, I got that, but why? Shouldn't you be with Potter?"  
"No...me and Sirius kind of wound him up.."  
"Lily! What do you want to me about?"  
"Oh, yeah. It's about my Patronus, so I thought I would come and tell you about what Oola really said."  
I cast a furtive look at Lauren, who's sifting through her trunk.  
She sighs, and marches forward, scooping up her wand and bag, and grabs me by the arm. Dragging me down the stairs, she pulls me towards a deserted corner of the common room and plonking herself down on the sofa. I sit down next to her and smirk as she yells at some third-years' for playing with a Fanged Frisbee that's chasing her cat.

"Sorry, Lils, so what about your Patronus?"  
"Well, earlier, when I said I didn't know who my soulmate was...I lied, and I don't like lying."  
"So, it's James, right?"  
"What?! How do you know?"  
"It's kind of obvious, Lils. What two people do you know that Oola would think hate each other, but actually don't? No, better question, what other people would be awesome together and are practically destined to be together?"

Just then, Sirius runs into the common room, and jogs over to us.  
"You should definitely go, Evans?"  
"What happened?"  
"He got mad at me, like nearly Mulciber mad."  
"Oh Merlin. Won't he be mad at me?"  
"Probably. Just do your green cute eyes look, and he won't be able to stay mad at you."  
"My green cute eyes look?"  
"Yeah, the one you do to convince Slughorn that we don't _need_ any homework."  
"Right." I laugh, and so does Alice.  
"Go on then. Quick."  
"Why!?"  
"He growling when he sees a boy, and I think it's scaring the first-years."  
"Where is he?"  
"Where do you think?"  
"Quidditch pitch?"  
"Where else? He's with the team, but he's acting like a slave driver. I kind of feel sorry for them."

I get up, wave at Alice and walk quickly out into the corridor, across the courtyard and out into the grounds, stumbling down the hill to the Quidditch pitch. James is yelling directions at the shivering Quidditch team, and I can't help but feel sorry for the little third-year Seeker, Isabel, who's shivering, huddled up inside her robes.

"James!" I yell, and watch as he turns around, his face darkening as he sees who it is, and I feel my heart sink.  
"What do you want?" I rack my brains for a reason to talk to him, then remember something that McGonagall told me the other day.  
"Professor McGonagall wants us to organise a Hogsmeade trip for Halloween."  
"Can we not do this later?" _He said he had something to do later, didn't he?  
_ "You...I mean...I have stuff to do later..." _Come on, James, remember!  
_ "Well I have stuff to do now!"  
I feel tears prick the back of my eyes.  
"Fine." _  
_

With that, I turn and storm up to the castle, angrily wiping the tears away from my eyes.  
I barely notice as I walk up to the Astronomy Tower, my favourite place to go when I'm upset, and curl up on the floor, leaning against the steel armature of a huge, broken grandfather clock, the cool metal chilling me to the bone. It could have been 10 minutes, or 10 hours, before I hear footsteps coming quietly up the stairs. I try to scramble to my feet, but my legs have fallen asleep, so I stumble, squealing.

Someone catches me under the arms and holds me upright, steadying me until I can stand on my own. "Are you alright, Lily?"  
It's Remus.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I turn and look into his worried brown eyes, so different from James', and wipe away my tears. He smiles sadly. "I saw your argument with James. He's being an idiot."  
"I'm the one who's being an idiot. I was trying to remind him that he was busy tonight, but he just yelled, just like me last year. There I was thinking that we...no, don't worry."  
"Thinking what, Lily?"  
"I...thought we could be something. We get so close, and then..." I shrug and bite my lip.  
"Then he messes up." he finishes, and I smile involuntarily.  
"I mess up too, Remus."  
He shakes his head. "Nothing you could do what stop him from-"  
"Stop him from what?"  
"Lily-"  
"Stop him from WHAT?"

He takes a deep breath, and sits down on the flagstone floor, gesturing for me to sit next to him.  
"One night, in fifth year, a boy attempted a dangerous prank that could have quite easily got another student killed. Prongs hated that student, with a passion, but he knew that if the student was hurt, it would upset someone he loved. So Prongs went and saved the student's life. The student never thanked Prongs, instead seeing his heroics as an act of self-preservation, as knowing about the prank and not informing a member of staff could have got James expelled from Hogwarts, so they both swore to keep it quiet. So James never got to tell the person he loved what happened, and why he acted as he did, and the person never found out how far James went to make them happy. The person was... that person is you."

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	15. Furious

**Disclaimer: As you've hopefully already realised, I own nothing you recognise.  
Will they ever kiss? How will Lily react when her and James come face to face?  
Enjoy xx**

I'm at dinner, working my way through a plate of Yorkshire puddings, when someone sits down in the empty seat next to me. They take a deep breath, and I can tell by the sound that it's James.

"Hey Lily." he starts, sounding nervous, but I keep my eyes fixed on my plate in front of me.  
"Good evening."  
His voice shakes slightly; he's apparently unnerved by my cold tone, and it takes all of my willpower not to just forget acting cold and indifferent and kiss him, right there and then.  
"Look, I'll organise all the Hogsmeade trip notices tomorrow, ok?"  
"I've already done it."  
"Okay, I'll write them out."  
"I've done it."  
"Okay? I'll give them out to all the notice boards."  
"I've done it."  
"Have you-"  
"I've done it."  
"How do you know?"  
"I've organised every Prefect meeting, rounds and Hogsmeade trip until Christmas, so don't worry, you can keep on doing your _stuff."_ I spit, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

He sighs.  
"Look, Lily, about earlier...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I was mad at Sirius, and I had stuff to do-"  
"Well so did I! But I thought, no, you had told me that you couldn't do rounds tonight, because you had urgent business to attend to. So I stopped doing my homework, stopped talking to my friends, and came down to ask for your help with something that McGonagall had asked us to do. I didn't want to let your _precious_ Quidditch team hear that you were skiving off rounds, so I told you that I had something to do, hoping that it would jog your memory. Still, no, no it didn't. You just yelled at me. So, Potter, I had stuff to do as well, but I did all of the work."

"Well you are Head Girl, you should start pulling your weight."  
So much for apologising.

My arms stiffen and I place my knife and fork gently down on the table. My hands are shaking and my fingers are freezing cold, sure signs that I'm furious.  
As I turn to face him, he looks horrified, like he just realised what he said, and he shrinks back, so he must be able to tell that I'm furious.  
Good.

I try to keep my voice steady, calm. "And you're Head Boy, but I think you've forgotten that."  
I stand up, but he grabs my wrist. "Lily-!"  
A hot current flows through my arm, and he yelps, pulling his hand back and wrapping it in his robe.

I turn and leave the Hall.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

I wake up early the next day, still buzzing with anger. _How dare he?!  
_ I didn't bother patrolling last night; the Slytherins can snog on the Astronomy Tower if they want.  
It's cold up there.

Dressing quickly, I brush my hair up into a ponytail and pin back all of the loose bits, the hairstyle I wear when I'm angry. When Cattermole broke up with me last year, I wore it like this for a straight week.  
When I go down to the common room, James is sitting in the armchair, tapping his arm and hissing in pain. I walk up to him and hold my hand out, gripping my wand tightly. He looks up and pales. "What?"  
"Give me your arm."  
"Why?!"  
"I'll fix it."  
"Why would you do that?"  
"The Head Girl should pull her weight, _apparently."  
_ He winces at the jibe, and then groans as I tap his arm with my wand, muttering "Episkey."  
There's a sickening click as his bones move back into place, and he grumbles something under his breath.  
I laugh, but there's no amusement in it. "What was that?"  
"Shut up Lily."  
"No! No! Why should I? I've just fixed your broken arm, and not reported you for obviously doing something dangerous. But, no, fine, I'll shut up."

So I settle down and finish off my Transfiguration essay, not saying a word. Occasionally, James will inhale as if he's about to say something, and then falter and slouch back down on the couch. At 7, I pack my things neatly away into my bag, and get up, walking towards the door to go down to breakfast, when he blocks my way and looks down at me.

"Lily...I can't take this!" His eyes are flashing, his cheeks are flushed and his knuckles are white from when he was clenching his fists. He looks desperate, angry and upset.  
It hurts.  
"I can take the rages, the threats, the arguments, but I can't take the silence!"  
I try to walk past him, but he catches my wrist, holding it tightly.  
"James...you're hurting." I whisper, my voice cracking, and he releases my wrist immediately, looking ashamed.  
"I don't want to fight with you, James." I speak quietly, looking at the buckles on my shoes, but I can feel his eyes on me.  
"I don't want to fight with you either, Lily, but at least when we're fighting you're talking to me."  
He sounds pleading, so I look up at his beautiful eyes.

"When we're arguing, I know where I stand. I know that you're mad at me, and I know that yelling helps you get your anger out. But silent Lily, I don't what she's thinking or feeling. I don't know how to help that Lily. Please, Lils. Talk to me."

I take a deep breath and stare into his hazel eyes, flecked with gold and filled with anguish.  
"I don't what you want me to say."  
"Why are you mad at me?"  
"There are several contributing factors."  
"So what are they?"  
"You said I wasn't pulling my weight, you left me to do work and the rounds on my own, which I didn't do, as I was scared to patrol on my own, by the way. You yelled at me when I was trying to help you, and I... yeah."  
"You what?"  
"It's nothing."  
"Well it must be something, because otherwise you wouldn't be ignoring me! What did I do?"  
"It's nothing you've done, well it is kind of, you're not helping, but it's something I'm...thinking."  
"So what is it?"

I comes out before I can stop it.  
"I like you."

 **Dun, dun, duuuuun! Good luck waiting for the next one!  
Benigne,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	16. Surprised

**Sorry for the wait, I want to thank "J" for reviewing. And partly in Latin too! You have skills.  
Disclaimer: I bet J.K Rowling doesn't have a truckload of homework to do.  
Enjoy xx**

"You like me?"  
"Kind of..."  
"So you like me? For how long?"  
"I've been trying to hide it since the start of the year."  
"But you like me?"  
"YES! Holy Agrippa, James! Are you deaf?"

His face is scarily unreadable, and my heart skips a beat as I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction.  
For the second time this year, he catches me by surprise by leaning down and kissing me.

It's not explosions I feel this time.  
It's _him.  
_ I feel James, all of him, kissing me and holding me and being there, being...James. My hands are in his hair, he's holding me around my waist, and I feel like I'm floating. So this is what a kiss is supposed to feel like.

As I pull away gently, he's there again, his forehead resting against mine, his breath mingling with mine, so close that I feel like I'm flying, like his hand on my waist is the only thing anchoring me to the ground. Leaning back slightly, I look up at him and smile, the kind of smile that you just can't get off your face, and he looks astonished, like he can't quite believe what just happened.  
I'm convinced that I'm dreaming.  
Yet I still don't wake up.

"We really should have done that ages ago." I mutter, light-headed.  
"I told you the world knew it would be good." he smirks, but his hand doesn't leave my side.

Letting my bag fall to the floor, I cup his cheek and kiss him lightly, before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the door. He grabs me gently around the waist, and I giggle as his long fingers tickle my side, stopping in my tracks.  
"Where are you going, Petal?"  
"You mean where are _we_ going, James. To get my hot chocolate, if that's okay with you. I'm kind of obsessed, and there won't be anyone around." I blink up at him coyly, and smile as his eyes glaze over slightly.  
"Yeah...let's do that."  
"Come on then." I pull at his hand, swinging my bag up onto my shoulder, and he lets go of me, swinging our intertwined palms backwards and forwards excitedly.  
That's another thing that I love about James: his enthusiasm is infectious.

We walk out of the portrait hole, hand-in-hand, and start walking down to the kitchens.  
As we pass the Gryffindor common room, I jerk my head towards the sleeping Fat Lady.  
"They're going to go nuts when they find out I told you."  
"Why? Did you tell them?"  
"Well...Alice knows, and Remus guessed."  
"Moony? How does he know?"  
"When I was upset yesterday-"  
"You were upset yesterday? What-oh..."  
He falters as I shoot him a meaningful look.  
"Yeah. So he told me about some incident that happened in fifth year, about a prank or something...yeah, well he said it went wrong." He pales slightly and his hazel eyes widen.  
"He told you about Snape?"

My jaw drops, and I can't quite believe what he just said.  
"You saved _Snape?"  
_ "Ahhh...so he didn't tell you who I saved...Right."  
"No...he didn't say who. You did that...why?"  
"I couldn't just let him die, I mean I hate the git, but he didn't deserve to die, besides..." He blushes and I laugh.  
"What?!"  
"He is...well, he was important to you..." He looks so adorable, I can't help it; I lean up and kiss him on the cheek, then giggle as he turns scarlet.  
"You're amazing, you know that Porcupine?"  
"Well, you're beautiful as well as amazing, so I have competition." I blush.

We walk for a minute and then I stop, so he does.  
"What?"  
"Why were you out last night? How did you break your arm?"  
He shifts his weight from foot to foot, and looks suddenly nervous. I lean against the windowsill behind me and look out across the lake.  
"Yeah...Lily. It's not really my secret to tell, and...and..." He's rambling now, and I look at the cloudless, light blue sky, up at the just visible full moon, a beautiful white against the blue.

I turn to look at him, mind racing. "It was full moon last night, wasn't it?"  
He looks worried now, playing with the hem of his shirt. "Uh-huh."

 _Full moon: werewolf._  
 _James isn't a werewolf, is he?_  
 _No, he has none of the symptoms._  
 _So who could it be? It has to be someone he would risk his life to help, I guess._  
 _Sirius?_  
 _No symptoms._  
 _Same with Peter._  
 _But Remus? What did it say in my textbook?_  
 _"Sickly near to the full moon."_  
 _He looked pale yesterday._  
 _"Uncommonly strong."_  
 _Check._  
 _"Weak following the transformation."_  
 _Check._  
 _"Scratches that turn into scars, that will never fade."_  
 _All over him._  
 _Check._  
 _Check. Check. Check.  
_ Suddenly I'm worried. Very worried.

"James?"  
"Umm...yes?"  
"I know."  
"Yeah."  
"So you know that..."  
"Remus has a monthly...'escapade'."  
"Yes."

James looks impressed and grins sheepishly, slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him.  
"You've always been too smart for you own good."  
"Wait...James. What did you rescue Snape from in fifth year?!"  
His eyes widen and he stammers. "Uh...Filch?"  
"You could have DIED!" I punch him hard on the arm and he yelps.  
"It was worth it though...I did it for you." he says in a soppy voice.  
I punch him again, just for his reaction, and then narrow my eyes, as we approach the kitchen door.  
"So how did you break your arm? Was it something to do with-"  
"That's too many secrets to tell! That's way too many Marauder secrets for one day. I'll tell you soon, okay, Lils?"

I nod, unsatisfied, but he squeezes my hand, sending tingles running up my arm, and I smile.

 **Finally! (does happy dance!) They kissed!  
Now, to show your appreciation, please review!  
No, seriously, please review.  
I mean it.  
Review.  
Please.  
**

 **Asante,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
**


	17. Embarassed

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. NOPE. NADA. NONE OF IT.  
Enjoy xx**

I have to admit, I'm nervous as we approach the Great Hall.  
We've been wandering around the castle for nearly an hour, talking and laughing and, you guessed it, kissing, so it's nearly eight.  
I can't believe that I've never noticed how amazing James Potter is.

I squeeze his hand as we walk through the door, and then we walk quickly over to the Gryffindor table. James sits down next to Sirius, and I settle down next to him, pouring myself a goblet of pumpkin juice and passing it to him, nudging his leg under the table.  
It's only then that I notice that our end of the table has gone silent, so I look up, gulping down my mouthful of juice. Sirius is goggling at us, Alice's mouth is hanging open slightly, and Remus' eyebrows are raised.

"What?"  
Alice raises one eyebrow and stares pointedly at James, then back at me, so I decide to tease her.  
"What?"  
She huffs. "Are you..."  
James looks up and grins, grabbing my hand under the table, and replies cockily. "I don't know what you're talking about."  
There's a moment of silence and then Sirius blurts out. "Did you snog?"

I blush violently, and James rubs the back of his neck, looking down at the table, and Sirius grins so broadly that I'm surprised that his face doesn't split in two. "I knew it! I KNEW IT!" Alice cries, so loudly that people turn to look at us, and I blush even harder.  
"Go on then!" Sirius claps his hands excitedly, looking just like a little kid.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Snog her, Prongs."  
James looks outraged. "Look, Padfoot, I'm sure Lily doesn't want to-"  
Turns out, kissing James Potter is an excellent way to shut him up.

Someone wolf-whistles and when we break apart, dizzy from _that kiss_ , the Gryffindor table erupts into applause. Professor McGonagall has a rare smile on her usually stern face, and Professor Dumbledore raises his goblet to us, his blue eyes twinkling. James slips his arm and I lean into him as the Hall quietens around us.  
Across the Hall, the Slytherins are scowling.  
Alice starts gushing to no one in particular are about how cute we are and Sirius starts grilling James for the details.  
-so cute, I mean, think about the babies!"  
"-mad at you? Did she slap you? She seems to do that a lot."

I look over at Remus, who's watching them with a smile on his face. He looks pale and tired, and there's a bandage on his arm.  
 _How did I never notice this before?  
_ I know the answer, though. _  
I never looked._

He looks up at me, smiling, and I mouth at him. "Thank you."  
"Anytime."  
I can't keep it from him.

"Can I talk to you, Remus?"  
"Sure." I get up and whisper in James' ear.  
"I'm going to tell Remus I know, okay?"  
He nods, and kisses my cheek, so I rub his head, messing up his hair even more, and follow Remus out of the Hall, into an empty classroom set up for Charms.

"What's up Lily?"  
"I know." The effect is instantaneous; he steps back and pales, running his hand through his hair.  
"You know that..."  
"You have a furry little problem. Yeah."  
"Did James-"  
"No. I do have brains, you know."  
He grins nervously. "Yeah. I know. But you're okay with it?"  
"Of course I am! You're still Remus, just a bit...different sometimes, that's all."  
He looks so relieved, I lean forward and hug him tightly.  
"I'm here for you, okay Remus? No matter what."  
We exit the classroom just as Diggory and his cronies pass, and I swear under my breath as he stops in front of me, looking smug.

"Playing the field, are we, babe? Flirting with me, going out with Potter, and now snogging Lupin. You _really_ know how to get around..."  
I stiffen, tensing, and my hand drifts subconsciously towards my pocket where I stowed my wand as Remus steps forward so that he's front of me. He speaks quietly, calmly, but his fists are clenched behind his back. "Move out of the way, Diggory. We need to get to class."  
The boy laughs.  
"Is that what they're calling broom cupboards these days? Class...but you're not exactly sophisticated are you, babe? Muggle-born and all..."

Then Sirius comes down the corridor, laughing and joking with Peter and-thank Merlin-James. I'm bristling with anger and I'm pretty sure Remus is too. The next minute, my wand is pointed at Diggory's chest and he's laughing.  
"What's the Head Girl gonna do? Give me detention?"

I feel a hand on the small of my back, and relax slightly. _James.  
_ "What's going on?"  
"You see, Potter, I'm just revealing some secrets about Evans here. She's supposed to be going out with you, mate, but she's snogging me on the side. Not such a good girl after all, huh, babe?" He leers down at me and I recoil.  
I feel James stiffen, and silently will him not to retort.  
He can't afford to get in a fight.  
Not now.

"Lily wouldn't lower herself to someone like you." James sneers, fingering his wand as I put mine away.  
"She wouldn't lower herself, perhaps, but you? You're so desperate you'll snog the first Mudblood that throws herself at you."  
Forget what I said before.

There's no time to get my wand.  
My hand connects with his face, as I slap him, hard, so he stumbles backwards, reeling. James steps forward, a murderous look on his face, and points his wand directly between the boy's eyes, who goes cross-eyed trying to focus on it.  
"If you EVER... call her that again, I will personally ensure that you don't see graduation. Understood?"

His cheek swelling rapidly, the shorter boy nods dumbly and scurries nervously away with his _pathetic_ friends, a bruise in the shape of my handprint blossoming on the side of his face.

Sirius yells after them, and so do I.  
"At least Evans has personality! Tell me, what's it like, snogging a chick without enough brains to fill an egg cup?"  
"I thought I told you not to call me 'babe'!"

I grab James' hand and squeeze it lightly.  
"You okay, Porcupine?"  
"I'm fine Petal." He doesn't sound fine.  
"Are you sure, James?"  
"I'm fine, Lily. Promise."

He smiles down at me, and we walk down to Potions, Sirius yelling abuse after Diggory and sunlight streaming through the windows.

 **Confundus! You will review now!  
Dziekuje,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	18. Curious

**Disclaimer: I wish I was, however I am not J.K Rowling. Not by a long shot.  
Enjoy xx (AND REVIEW!)**

"Alright, everyone, open up your books, page 394!" Slughorn bellows jovially, his waistcoat straining around his vast middle. "That's it, hurry now, we have an hour to make your potions. Can anyone tell me what we're making today?"  
My hand shoots up into the air. "Antidotes, sir?"  
"Not quite, Miss Evans. You will creating your own potions in partners, and we will test them out next lesson. The Potion must have a reversible effect on the drinker, which is why you will need to study the structure of antidotes. Good Luck!"

I tie my hair back and pull out my Potions notes on antidotes, before I remember. "Professor, are you choosing partners?"  
"Ahh, yes, Miss Evans. Black and Pettigrew. Potter and Miss Corner. Miss Evans and...hmm..."  
 _Remus. Please Remus.  
_ "How about..." _Remus?_ "Snape. Oho! The best potioneers in your year! I expect great things from you two!" With that, he chuckles, and then starts assigning other partners, leaving me, thunderstruck. James lets out a shuddering breath next to me, and I squeeze his hand, before picking up my bag and hurrying over to the work-station where my former best-friend works alone.

Shoving my bag under the table, I light a fire under the cauldron with a flick of my wand and speak in a brisk voice.  
"What should we make?"  
"Lily-"  
"I asked what you thought we should make, not what my name is."  
He sighs and flicks through his textbook, which is covered is covered in scribbles and alterations, just like mine. He stops at the correct page, and I spot a hasty scribble in the corner of the page.  
 _"Sectumsempra."  
For Enemies._

He catches me looking and slams the book shut, but it's too late. "Sec-tum-sem-pra? What is that spell?"  
"It's...umm...I made it up." He looks around wildly, but no one comes to his aid.  
"For enemies? What does that mean?"  
"It's none of your business." He snaps, and I flush slightly, walking quickly over to the supply cupboard and pulling out a handful of knotgrass. I feel a hand on my shoulder and jump, but it's only James.

"You okay Petal?"  
"Y-Yeah. I'm fine."  
"I can't believe Sluggy partnered you with Snivellus. If he tries anything-"  
"I'll hex him until he remembers shampoo exists, you know that."  
He smiles. "You should do that anyway. But promise me, if he does anything, you'll tell me."  
"I'll tell you, James. I promise." He drops a kiss on my head, and walks off, back to his station, and I gather up the rest of the ingredients I need for a Potions base, and walk back over to our workstation.

"I thought we could make a Healing Potion." Snape says quietly, and I just nod, chopping up the knotgrass neatly.  
"Lily, about what happened in fifth year, I'm-"  
"Sorry? Sorry for what?" I snap sarcastically, now adding syrup of hellebore to our spitting potion.  
"I didn't mean to call you Mudblood, Potter was just-"  
"Annoying you, so you took it out on me! You call every Muggle-born Mudblood. Why should I be any different?"

He opens his mouth, then closes it again and shrugs helplessly. Just then, there's a loud shriek, and my knife slips, cutting deep into my thumb. Swearing angrily under my breath, I suck my bleeding thumb and turn around to see Helen Corner, squealing as her and James' potion crackles and spits.  
 _Why did she bother taking Potions in the first place? She's terrible.  
_ She blinks up at James flirtatiously, and I growl under my breath, then smile as he cuts her off with a sharp look.  
 _To be near James, that's why._

As I turn around, Snape's looking at me curiously, and he looks sad.  
"What happened to you hating Potter?"  
"I never hated him, we just...disagreed."  
"He's an arrogant-!" He sighs. "How could you lower yourself to someone like _him?"  
_ I try really hard not to explode, but it's proving difficult. "I didn't _lower_ myself."  
"It's obvious he's only using you! How could you do what he wants? He's below you!"  
"James Potter is twice the man you'll ever be."

He falls silent, looking furious, and I point my wand at the cut on my hand, sighing in relief as the wound closes up, still fuming.  
"What's he done to you?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"He's turned you against me."  
"He's not the one who called me a Mudblood. You turned me against you. James did nothing."  
"James." He sounds livid. "James. That's what you're calling him now."  
"What are you talking about?"  
"When did he become _James?"  
_ "It's none of your business." I snap.  
We spend the rest of the lesson in silence.

As Slughorn tells us to pack up, I stuff my book in my bag and fish out my Latin dictionary and flick through to 's'.  
"You coming, Lily?" James calls, waiting by the door.  
"One second." I mutter, as I run my finger down the page.

 _"Sectum."  
To cut._  
Sectumsempra.  
"For Enemies."

I really have lost my old friend.

 **I can't help feeling sorry for Snape here. Does he deserve it? Let me know by REVIEWING!  
Good Day,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	19. Stressed

**Disclaimer: J.K Rowling wouldn't have to get up at 6am for school every day.  
Enjoy xx**

"Ok everyone, thank you for coming, especially on such short notice." I look around at the Prefects, all sitting on cushions or footstools; we asked to borrow the Divination classroom. "So Professor Dumbledore has asked us to organise an event for just before the Christmas holidays, and we wanted to know what you guys thought about it. Anyone have any ideas?" I look around the room, at where James is leaning against the teacher's desk, and smile as he winks at me.

"A Hogsmeade visit?" Remus chips in, and I sigh.  
"We could do that, but there's going to be one for Halloween, so we were thinking of doing something a bit different."  
"A feast?" The fifth-year Hufflepuff prefect pipes up, and I smile half-heartedly at him.  
"I think they're doing that already."  
"How about a ball?" Aleena, the Ravenclaw prefect calls out, swinging her legs from where she's perched on a table.

James stands up, walking towards me. "That's a great idea Aleena." he praises, and she blushes furiously. "Anyone object?"  
The Slytherin prefects in the corner tut and roll their eyes, but no one speaks. "Alright then. A ball it is. Shall we have a theme?"  
"House colours?" Remus shrugs, pulling at his tie, and I nod.  
"We could do that." James slips his arm around my shoulders.  
"So we'll meet here again, say, next week then. What day? Wednesday?"  
"We have Quidditch practice." One of the Slytherins grunts, glaring at James, but he just nods.  
"Fine. Thursday?" There are some general murmurs of assent and then everyone gets up, trickling slowly in groups out the door, leaving me and James alone.

"A ball...that's going to be stressful to organise." I tuck my hair behind my ears, and he runs his fingers through my ponytail.  
"Maybe, but it'll be fun, and it'd ages away anyway. We can start planning after Halloween."  
I turn to look at him, and I straighten his glasses. "Should we go back down to the common room?"  
"Oh,Merlin. I said I'd meet up with the guys. I'm sorry, Lils."  
"S'ok, It's no big deal." I try to hide my disappointment. "I'll go to the library for a bit."  
 _I want to find out how James broke his arm.  
"_I won't be long, Lils."

He bends down to kiss me and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug, before pulling back, smiling as he kisses me on the forehead.  
"See you later, Porcupine."  
I walk down the stairs, waving at him, and follow a group of third-years that look like they're up to no good, until I reach the library. Walking around to the back of the huge room, I shove my bag onto an empty seat, and raise my wand.  
"Accio Wizards and Animals: A History."  
A heavy book comes flying off the top shelf, towards me, and I catch it, sitting down and flicking through it until I find the part on lycanthropy.

 _A werewolf has no control of it's actions while under the influence of the full moon, and would kill his brother if he came across him. However werewolves are only a danger to humans, so animals in the area inhabited by werewolves would be unaffected by the transformation._

The page goes on, but I don't need to read anymore. My mind is racing.

 _There's no way James could have got anywhere near Remus as a human. He would have a lot more than a broken arm if that was the case.  
So...What if James wasn't a human?  
No, he was probably just involved in a prank. That must be how he broke his arm.  
Then how did he save Snape?  
Wouldn't they both be dead, or werewolves?  
What if...  
What if James wasn't an human at full moon?  
What if...he was an animal?_

I turn the pages furiously to the section I'm looking for, and scan down the pages.  
 _-resembles Patronus.  
-distinct markings._

I slam the book closed and get up, clutching my bag and wand tightly, and stride over to Madam Pince.  
"Excuse me, ma'am, do you have a list of the registered Animagi in Britain?"  
She peers at me over her spectacles. "Of course, Miss Evans, but what do you want it for?"  
"Defence homework." I lie, crossing my fingers behind my back. "I wanted to get some extra credit."

She relaxes and waves her wand, and a piece of parchment appears in her gnarly hand. She thrusts it towards me, and I take it with a grateful smile.  
"Thank you." I quickly scan the page, but there's no sign of the name I'm looking for. "Can I borrow this?"  
She sighs and adjusts her shawl. "Yes, but I want it back in perfect condition."  
"Of course. Thank you for your help."

I slide it carefully into my bag and walk quickly out of the room, storming towards the common room. I touch my wand to the door impatiently, and jog in, slightly out-of-breath. Slamming the list of names down on the table, I fumble in my bag for a quill, and scribble furiously on a piece of spare parchment, my handwriting spiky with anger.

 _Looks like you'll be going 'stag' to the Ball._

Shoving it into the centre of the table, so it's next to the list, I stomp up the stairs and sit down on my bed, abandoning my wand and bag on the desk.

 _Could James really be an Animagus?_  
 _An unregistered one?_

I really hope not.  
But somehow I know that I'm right.

 **You can't hide anything from Lily Evans. She is pretty awesome.  
She also wants you to review.  
So you know, review.  
Or she will hex you.  
She is very good at the Bat Bogey Hex.  
Just so you know.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it** **,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	20. Worried

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling, I hope you know that by now. If not, wow. You really have not read the disclaimers. They take time to type, you know! ;)  
** **Thank you to J for reviewing! I am in Ravenclaw too, and my wand is willow. It's nice to know that you would be ready for a duel! Expelliarmus! :)  
**

 **Everyone, follow J's lead.  
You are awesome, by the way. You review. More than once.  
Enjoy this one xx**

It's about nine o'clock when there's a knock on the door, and I stand up, hoping it's not James, forcing me to do rounds.  
No, he wouldn't do that.  
I open the door, and look up at the person standing there. Sirius.

He grabs my arm and drags me down the stairs, out of the door and into a deserted passage.  
"Merlin, Sirius, where's the fire?" I grumble, and he lets go, looking worried.  
"You know."  
"Excuse me?"  
"You know, don't you?"  
"Well I do know that you're freaking me out."  
"You know about James'...prongs."  
"Prongs?"  
He looks suspicious and a bit nervous.  
"I mean, I know he's doing something illegal, if that's what you're on about."

He relaxes and runs his hand through his hair. "I saw the paper on the table. Look Evans, you really can't tell anyone. It would get us in Azkaban."  
"Us?"  
"I mean...him. It would get _him_ in Azkaban."  
"Us...James is Prongs. The nicknames. You're Padfoot...Remus is Moony...Peter's Wormtail. Moony...full moon. You and Peter, you're like James, aren't you?"  
He shuffles from foot to foot and says nothing.  
"Padfoot...padded feet. What has pads on their feet? Wormtail...like a mouse?"  
I step back, desperately trying to piece the clues together. Then it comes to me:  
"You, Peter, James. Dog, rat, stag, right?"

Sirius looks a bit scared, but impressed.  
"Yeah, but you can't tell anyone-"  
"How did James break his arm?"  
"He broke it?!"  
"Yeah, but-"  
"Woah..."  
"Yes, but how?!"  
"Look, Evans-"  
"You were out with Remus, weren't you? Last night."  
"Maybe..."  
"You IDIOTS!"

I start to pace, up and down, up and down, fists clenched.  
"Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? You could be dead!"  
I turn at look at him, tears glistening in my eyes, and he looks shocked.  
"Don't you realise what could have happened? What would have happened if you had died, all of you!? What would happen if..what would I do if... Sirius..what if...what if...James, he...he..."

I'm crying now and Sirius walks over, holding me by the shoulders, and speaks in a firm voice. "Come on, Evans."  
He puts his arm around me, and steers me down the corridor, as I desperately try to compose myself.  
He says the password to the Fat Lady, and we walk in, him leading me up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.  
"Sirius, I can't-"  
"You're Head Girl. You can go in the Forbidden Forest, without breaking at least four rules, so you can go into a boys' dorm."

Pushing open the door, he calls out.  
"Everyone decent? Everything decent?"  
"One minute!" A voice calls out, so we wait for a minute until I hear a muffled shout. "All clear, I just had to move your magazines! It's only me in here, anyway. Why?"  
"I brought Evans!"  
Remus appears in the doorway. "Why? What- Merlin, are you okay Lily?"  
I nod, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. "I'm-hic-I'm f-fine."  
"Come on." He grabs me gently by the hand, and pulls me in, steering me over to the tidiest bed, so I sit down and tuck my hair behind my ears.

"What happened, Pads?"  
"She worked out why we're called our nicknames, and she got a bit...worried. A bit worked up."  
"A bit?" Remus sounds quizzical. "A bit? I think I've seen Lily cry maybe, once?"  
"Okay, a lot. She couldn't handle the fact that Prongs might...you know..."  
" _She_ is over here, you know." I stand up and walk over to them. "You guys are idiots, you know that?"

Remus nods solemnly and Sirius stands up a little taller. "And proud of it."  
I sigh. "Do you know where James is? He said he would be with you guys."  
"He went to the kitchens with Wormy."  
"So, Sirius, how did you get into our common room?"  
"I nicked Prongs' wand." He produces it from his pocket, and drops it onto the bed next to him.  
"How long have you three been Animagi?"  
"Fifth year." Sirius looks proud of himself, and I have to admit I'm really impressed.  
"That's insane! Most wizards and witches need training, and it's mentally exhausting too, and you guys didn't even get professional help. Not to mention that you're kind of breaking the law."

Remus laughs dryly. "I told them. I told them, again and again. Fortunately, Prongs and Padfoot are incredibly stubborn. James never did give up on you, see?"I smile ruefully, and Sirius smirks.  
"Watch this, Evans."

With that, he closes his eyes, and where he was standing before, there's a huge, wolf-like black dog, the kind I cross the road to avoid. It bounds over, and nudges my hand, so I stroke its head nervously. It rubs itself up against my leg, tail wagging madly, and I notice that its coat is just like Sirius' hair. A minute later, Sirius is standing there again, and his hair is all over the place, but he's grinning broadly. "Impressed, Evans?"  
I raise my eyebrows. "Sure, Snuffles."

Remus grins. "Snuffles. That's a new one. Remember that time that Prongs called you-"  
Sirius huffs and transforms again, running over and tackling a sniggering Remus. I sigh, smiling and grab my wand, flicking it towards them. "Levicorpus."

They're both hoisted up in the ar, and I laugh and laugh and laugh at the sight of a large, mangy dog, desperately trying to paw at a red-faced, dishevelled Remus. "Come on, Lily!" Remus calls, disgruntled, and Sirius, the dog, growls at me.  
I whisper the counter-curse, and giggle as they fall, hitting the ground, hard. Sirius jumps up, transforming quickly and grabbing his wand, and I squeal, leaping onto the bed nearest me and hiding behind a pillow.

Then, the door opens and I let the pillow fall to the floor, looking up as Peter walks in, his arms full of sweets.  
Behind him, though...  
James.

 **If you haven't got this already, I update a lot on weekends.  
Oh, and be like J.  
Review.  
Go on, you know you want to.  
It's not that difficult.  
I promise.**

 **Buenos dias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	21. Impressed

**Disclaimer: My initials are not nearly as recognisable as J.K.R. :(  
Enjoy xx **

I straighten up instantly as I see James, and even Sirius sobers up slightly, though he keeps clutching his wand like a life line. "Lily! What-"

I walk over and slap him. He lets out a strangled yell and stumbles backwards, warding me off with his hands, but I'm not going to hit him again. "Merlin...what in the name of...what was that for?!" he yelps, and Sirius lets out a bark-like laugh. I turn to face the sniggering boy, and hold my hand out. "The list please, Snuffles."

Remus laughs, but turns it into a hasty cough as Sirius glare at him, thrusting the list towards me. James looks nervous as I hand it to him, crossing my arms. "What's this...a list of the registered Animagi in Britain..." He looks up at me, evidently shocked. "You know!"  
"You didn't tell me."  
"I don't have to tell you everything!"  
"You should tell me the important stuff, though!"  
"This...this is none of your business!"  
That stings, but now he just annoying me.  
"It is too my business if you're running around, risking your life once a month. I care about you, James!"

He smiles at my remark as I scowl at him, and then frowns, stepping forward and looking at me worriedly.  
"Lily, have you been...crying?"  
"No." I say firmly, but he looks at Sirius, who still looks disgruntled.  
"Pads?"  
Sirius looks at me nervously and then looks at his best friend. "She couldn't handle the fact that you might-"  
"Shut UP, Sirius!"  
"Fine." Sirius huffs, then nods at James, confirming his suspicions.  
"You cried...because of me? I don't think I seen you cry, ever!"  
"I've actually cried twice this year so far, both times Remus was present, and both times were because of you!"  
"Thanks for making me feel like the worst guy ever, Lily."  
"You're very welcome. Now, can you show me?"  
"Huh?"  
"Sirius showed me his. It's very cute, isn't it, Snuffles?"

James snickers, and Sirius pushes him onto the bed.  
"Ok, Evans, that enough. I'll have you know that my Animagus form is very cool, and Prongs, you can't talk, yours is practically...what's that Muggle movie...Bumbi!"  
"It's Bambi..." I mutter, and Remus snorts as I grin at the offended looking boy in front of me, who speaks in a wounded voice.  
"What is this, Bully-James-Potter-Day?"  
"Uh-huh." Remus and I nod in unison, and Peter grunts in agreement, sweets spilling out all over his mattress.  
"Come on then, James..."  
"What?" He looks at me, apparently confused.  
"Show me your...antlers." He huffs and glares at Sirius.  
"Fine, but close your eyes."  
"Why?" I glance around suspiciously. "What are you going to do?"  
"Nothing! I just want to make it a surprise!"  
"Alright then." I edge my way over to Remus, who I probably trust the most, apart from maybe James, and whisper to him under my breath.  
"Don't let them murder me..."  
He smiles. "Don't worry. I won't."  
Closing my eyes, I stare into the darkness of my eyelids until I feel a hot breath on my face. Flinching away slightly, I open my eyes.

In front of me stands a stag.  
It's _beautiful._

He has hooves, and antlers, and four legs and slightly messy, gleaming coat. Everything a male deer is supposed to have, basically.  
But those hazel eyes are James'.

I step forward, hand outstretched, a bit wary, and the stag steps forwards, bowing his head under my hand as I run my hand along the length of his back, and lean up against him, rubbing his ears. Then he transforms, hair as messy as ever, catching me as fall, squealing. Setting me back on my feet, he looks down at me, and I look up at him, at his sparkling hazel eyes, just like the ones I just saw on the stag.  
"What do you think, Lils?"  
"It's amazing, Porcupine."  
"Mine's better than Sirius', right?"  
"Well..." He lets out a sound of disgust and Sirius comes over, frowning.  
"Please, my Animagus is so much cooler, right Evans?"  
"Well..."

James transforms and lowers his head menacingly at Sirius, who transforms too, and soon they're play-fighting, pushing each other and snorting. I hurry out of the line of fire and sit down next to Remus, who's munching on some chocolate, and smile as he hands me a piece.  
"Thanks."  
"Don't mention it. They did this most nights, you know? Last year, mind you."  
"Always about who's Animagus is better?"  
"Usually."  
I grin mischievously. "Has anyone ever told them that Peter's is better?"  
He smiles. "Nope." We watch them for a minute, smirking.  
"Well...James and I are kind of going out...I should really stop it..."  
"You are Head Girl." Remus grins cheekily at me, and hands me my wand. "You might nee this. Sirius just _enjoy_ losing."  
I smirk at him and stand up. "Who does?"

"Alright, Snuffles! Chill out, Bambi! I have decided a winner!" They both turn to look at me, and transform, panting.  
"Who? Who?" Sirius pipes up, looking smug, while James looks slightly nervous.  
I point with my free hand at Peter, who looks at once surprised and chuffed.  
"Peter."  
"Awww, thanks Lily!" He smiles at me and smirks at Sirius, who's gone bright red.  
"I lost...to a RAT?!" He yells, and James steps in front of me anxiously, effectively hiding me from view.  
"Ok, Padfoot...it's no big deal..."  
"It is a big deal! She-" he points at me accusingly. "She says that WORMY is better than US!"  
"Peter was the only one that didn't argue." I chirp from behind James, and Sirius growls, turning to look at Peter.

While he's distracted, James grabs my hand and pulls me quickly out of the room, trying to stifle his laughter.  
Laughing quietly in the corridor, I giggle harder as I hear Sirius' annoyed yells.

"I lost to a rat! A RAT! Dogs are like the EPITOME of humanity!"  
"I think you'll find the symbol of humanity is a human, Pads."  
"Oh shut up Moony! What happened to man's best friend? Huh? HUH?!"  
I can't help it; I yell through the door and then grab James by the hand and drag him down the stairs, laughing hysterically.

"I'm a woman, Black! And, yeah, I'm biased, but stags are way better than dogs. Dogs drool!"

 **I am also good at the Bat Bogey hex.  
Just so you know.  
How about reviewing?  
That would make a nice change.**

 **Guten Tag,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	22. Reassured

**Disclaimer: I own everything! *does evil laugh* Mwa-ha-ha-ha!  
Just kidding. ;p  
Enjoy xx**

I wake with a jerk the next morning as I hear a yell. Sitting up, I rub my eyes and throw my hair up into a ponytail, listening hard. There it was again.  
 _Is that...James?_

As I hear the second sound, I'm suddenly wide awake, grabbing my wand and sprinting down the stairs, raising my chest to waist-level. As I reach the doorway, panting, James is kneeling next to something on the floor, shoulders shaking, and I run over to him, lowering my wand.

I gasp.  
Lying on the floor is me.  
And I'm quite obviously dead.  
My eyes are wide open, staring, oddly blank, and there's a trickle of blood running down my face, the same shade as my hair. Tears rise to my eyes, and I wipe them away, sniffling. Then it hits me, and I shake my head. feeling foolish.  
 _I'm not dead!_  
 _So that must be..._  
"A Boggart..." I whisper under my breath.

Stepping forward, I raise my wand to dispel it, when a noise reaches my ears, and I look down. James is _crying.  
_ "No...Lily...I didn't, please...Lily...wake up, Lily..."  
"Riddikulus."  
Before it can transform, I say the incantation quietly, and it shrinks into a ball of black smoke that flies back into the cupboard next to the mantelpiece, which starts rattling immediately. Kneeling down next to James, I warp my arms around him, and rock him, back and forth, back and forth.

"It's okay James. I'm here. I'm not-" My voice cracks, so I take my deep breath and try again.  
"It wasn't real. James, it was a Boggart. It was a Boggart. It's not real. I'm here, okay?"  
He looks up at me, looking embarrassed, hazel eyes bloodshot. "I... I came down and you...you were just l-lying on the floor..."  
My heart aches. "It wasn't real. I'm fine, see? I'm okay. You're okay. We'll be fine as long as we're together. We're okay."

He takes a deep breath and pulls me into another hug, shaking slightly. I rub his back, and rest my chin on my shoulder.  
"Lily...promise you won't...you know."  
"I won't, not if I can help it. Promise."  
We sit like that for a minute, listening to each other breathing, and then he pulls back.  
"We really should get rid of it."  
"I know. Don't worry, I'll do it."  
"You don't have to, it's just-"  
"You don't want it see it again. It's okay James."  
"But I don't want you to have to do it."  
"It's fine. I'll do it."

Before he can protest, I stand up and point my wand at the handle on the rattling cupboard, and flick it upwards. Out flies the wisp of black smoke; it flies around the room once and then falls to the floor, changing into the form of Alice.  
She's dead.

A sob racks my body, and I shudder, holding my wand shakily, and try to concentrate on James' hand on my shoulder, as he squeezes it reassuringly.  
"Riddikulus."  
There's a loud crack, and then it's my parents and Petunia.  
Lying dead upon the floor.

Taking shallow breaths, I start up a mantra in my head.  
 _It's not real.  
Crack.  
_Dead Remus.  
 _It's not real.  
Crack.  
_Dead Peter. _  
_ _It's not real.  
Crack.  
_Dead Sirius.  
 _It's not real.  
_

There's another loud crack, and I look down at the person on the floor.  
All of the wind is knocked out of my body and I seem to have forgotten how to breathe.  
James.  
 _It's not real.  
_

I try to tell myself that it's not real, that it's fake, that it's just a Boggart, but it just looks so horribly dead, so unearthly, so _wrong.  
_ James Potter isn't dead. James Potter is bright and overenthusiastic and caring and protective. James Potter is annoying yet endearing, and sometimes overbearing but adorable, and arrogant but generous. James Potter is _alive_.

This isn't James Potter. James Potter isn't lying dead on the carpet, his eyes blank and misted over, his hair flat and lifeless, the usual grin missing, glasses askew on his face, spread-eagled on the ground.  
"No..." I don't realise I'm talking out loud until I hear my voice, desperate and pleading. "No...James, you're not...you can't...don't leave me. Please..."

 _He_ steps in front of me, wand raised, and I crumple to my knees, head in my hands, tears slipping down my cheeks. A horrible minute late, he gives a lifeless, feeble laugh, and then he's there, next to me, his forehead against mine, his arms around me, the roles reversed as he rocks me backwards and forwards, stroking my hair.

"S'ok Lily. I'm here."  
"You have to promise." My voice comes out quiet and croaky, so I try again, still crying. "You have to promise that you won't go. You won't leave me."  
"Lily-"  
"Please, James."  
"I promise."

I pull away slightly, and kneel up, kissing him softly on the lips. It tastes salty, like the tears on both of our faces, and even as I kiss him, I can't help but think how lifeless he looked a minute ago, how I thought that I would never kiss him again.

We break apart slowly, and he brings his thumbs up, wiping the tears from under my eyes.  
"Well I got rid of it." He smiles sadly.  
"Your greatest fear is...me d-dying."  
James nods, looking more embarrassed.  
"I won't." I say firmly, ignoring what I'm saying is impossible. "And you won't either."

I cross my arms over my chest, and shiver.  
"I should probably go and get changed."  
We both look down at what I'm wearing as my pyjamas; a skimpy vest top, and a small pair of shorts, and a faint blush rises to my cheeks.  
"Yeah." He nods in agreement, averting his eyes discreetly, and we stand up, him helping me like a gentleman.

I blow him a shaky kiss then hurry up the stairs, rubbing my bare arms. Walking into the bathroom, I shudder as my bare feet hit the cold, tiled floor and turn on the tap, wiping my tear-stained face with the cool, refreshing water. After brushing my teeth quickly, I skip back into the bedroom and smile faintly, still feeling a lump in my throat, still unable to get the image of James lying, dead, on the floor out of my mind.

I care about James. More than I'd like to admit.  
So now I know that he cares about me too. Probably more than he'd like to admit.  
It's reassuring.

 **They'll be a shout-out in the next chapter for the person who gets this right:  
In their fifth year at Hogwarts, who did Sirius Black and James Potter hex until their head was 'twice the normal size'?  
(Hint: This is revealed by Snape in the sixth Harry Potter book.)**

 **Buena suerte,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	23. Irritable

**Disclaimer: I wish...  
If you like this story, take a look at my one-shot Stars, which is set at the end of Lily and James' sixth year. I love writing Jily! (Can you tell?)  
Well Done to J for getting the question right! It was...Bertram Audrey.  
Enjoy xx**

"-then Evans says Peter is better than me! Yes, really!" Sirius looks at Marlene who's sitting across from him at the house table for breakfast, who looks sickeningly sympathetic, apparently aghast.

"Shut up, Black! No one cares!" I snap, and he falls silent, looking offended. There's a minute of silence as everyone stares at me, and I stare down at my empty cereal bowl, scowling. When I've calmed down enough to talk without snapping, I take a deep breath and look Sirius directly in the eyes.

"I'm sorry Sirius. I've had a bad morning, and I took it out on you. It wasn't fair."  
He looks surprised, but mutters under his breath. "It's okay Evans. Don't worry about it."  
James nudges my leg under the table, and I turn to look at him; he bends down and whispers in my ear.  
"Can we go outside for a minute?" I nod, and stand up, waiting until he's ready, and then we walk out of the Hall.

I'm a bit nervous.  
 _I shouldn't have spoken to Sirius like that, I know, but I apologised. I haven't done anything wrong...have I?  
_

James walks right at the door and I follow him, stopping as he halts and turns to face me, as I look worriedly up at him. He steps forward and pulls me into a warm hug, resting his chin on the top of my head. I hug him tightly, smiling and the lump in my throat starts to vanish as I rest my head on his shoulder and breathe in his familiar smell. We break apart slowly and he rests his hands on my waist. "Are you okay, Lils?"

I open my mouth to speak calmly, but I blurt out how I'm really feeling instead. "No!" He looks surprised and concerned.  
"It's just... I can't get the image of you...you know, out of my head."  
"I am irresistible..." He jokes weakly, smirking, but his smile fades as he sees my upset face.  
"I know, Petal. Me too. I was worried about you in there. Sirius was being a prat, but it's usually me that you blow up with."  
"I was just upset. I'm okay now." And I am, now that he's there, holding me. "I'm okay James. Are you?"  
"As long as you are." I study his face, but he's not joking; as soon as I smile, he smiles too, and his face is earnest.

"Do you want to skip class today?"  
"James! We're Head Boy and Girl, we can't just-"  
"We can and we should. Look, I'm not going to be able to concentrate properly today, not after what happened this morning, and from what you're saying, you won't be able to either. I have Quidditch practice tomorrow morning, and we do have to start sorting stuff out for the Halloween feast, although you sorted out the stuff for the Hogsmeade trip. Plus, I don't sit near you in class anymore, not after what happened last year with the exploding toads, so I won't see you for most of the day. Please, Lily."

He pouts, and something inside of me melts.  
"Fine, but-" I say in a firm voice, as he whoops childishly. "BUT we will do some work, Porcupine. I don't think I could stand your presence for the _whole_ day." I flash him a quick grin, and he winks at me, reaching out and grabbing my hand.  
"Let's go then, Petal."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"What do we do if we're caught?"  
James sighs. "We won't be."  
"Yeah James, going to Hogsmeade at 10am on a Friday isn't suspicious at all."  
"I promise, we won't get caught. I have the Cloak-"  
"Which, according to you, has the bonus of us having to squeeze under a cloak made for one person."  
He rolls his eyes. "Obviously. Wait...have I told you about the Map?"  
"No? What map?"  
"Well...hang on..."

He struggles with his pocket for a minute, then finally produces a piece of tatty, folded parchment. "Look, here."  
Tapping it with his wand, James mutters something, and I smirk as I hear what it is.  
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good? That sounds like something Sirius would say...wow..."  
I gasp as he hands me the parchment.

What I thought was parchment has no turned into "A map?"  
"Yep." I gaze up at him, impressed, and he's got a proud look on his face. "The Marauders Map."  
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs...you guys made this?"  
"We do listen in class sometimes."  
"Please...more like Remus listens, and you guys copy." He adopts a hurt look and I poke him in the side, grinning.  
"I do listen! I'm best in the class at Transfiguration!"  
"I'm good at Potions and Charms, and I don't copy Remus' notes!"  
"I made that! And that's awesome. So, I'm smart and awesome." He points at the parchment in my hand.  
"Humble too."

I smile at the look on his face, and then pore over the Map to try and find the secret passages that James mentioned, when I spot two dots labelled "Lily Evans" and "James Potter".  
"Are those...us?" I point at the dots on the map, and he nods, still grinning.  
"Oh...look, there's McGonagall." I mumble as I notice a rapidly approaching dot.  
James swears under his breath and hurries over to the wall. "Come here. Quickly!" I'm at his side in an instant and he throws the Cloak over us, crouching down and motioning for me to do the same.

He wraps his arms around me, and pulls me closer to him, so I'm practically sitting on top of him, head buried in his chest. Though I was cold a minute ago, I'm boiling now, and I'm pretty sure I'm in danger of heart failure.  
I had no idea my hear could beat this fast.

McGonagall storms past, long green robes billowing out behind her, muttering something.  
"Black needs discipline...exploding toads...it was hard enough last year...took forever for Potter to clean without magic though...teach him to blow up perfectly good toads..."

Breaking out into silent fits of laughter, James and I wait until McGonagall has passed, and then stand up, throwing the Cloak off, me still giggling. "Shush." James claps a hand over my mouth, smirking, and I lick his hand so he pulls back sharply.  
"You shush."

He huffs and grabs my wrist, pulling me over to an ugly statue of a humped, one-eyed witch, and tapping it with his wand.  
"Dissendium."  
"Dissendium? What-"  
I fall silent as a hole seems to appear out of nowhere at the base of the statue, and he gestures towards the hole.  
"Ladies first." We both stay still for a minute and then I speak.  
"So...are you going?"

He blinks at me, and then clocks in on the joke. "Ha ha. Go on Lils. You go first and I'll seal up the passage behind you."

I step into the darkness of the passage , wand stowed in my pocket, turning to face James.  
He goes to walk in, but the door slams shut.  
Then I'm alone.  
In the pitch-black.

Trapped.

 **What do you carry around your whole life, in darkness and in light, yet it never gets smaller or lighter, bigger or heavier?  
Good Luck on that riddle,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	24. Trapped

**Disclaimer: Although it's understandably hard to believe, I am not J.K Rowling. :)  
A/N: J, I think the answer to your riddle is tomorrow? Am I right?  
Enjoy xx**

 _Previously:  
_ _"Go on then Lils. I'll seal up the passage behind me."  
I step into the darkness of the passage, turning towards the light to face James. He goes to walk in but the door slams shut.  
Then I'm alone. In the pitch-black.  
Trapped._

Instinctively, I reach for my wand and pull it out of my pocket, lighting it hurriedly. "Lumos."  
The ghostly light illuminates the stone walls and a shudder runs through me.  
"Lily?" It's then that I hear James' voice, muffled and quiet. "Merlin, Lily, are you alright? Lily?"  
"James..." My voice is quiet, and I'm suddenly breathless. "James...I can't...I can't get out!"  
"I think it's stuck. Hang on Lily..." He's obviously fighting to keep his voice steady and it's then that it really hits me: I'm stuck.

If I stood on my tip-toes, my head would hit the top of the passage, and if I stretched out my arms out, my hands would be pressed up against the wall. A thud startles me, and I drop my wand, hearing it clatter, groaning as the light goes out. So now it's dark.

My breath is coming in ragged gasps now, and my head's spinning. They're not moving, not at all, but I swear the walls are closing in. I know that they're not, but why else would the pressure be overwhelming, so crushing? I crouch down, arms over my head, trying to make myself smaller, trying to make more space, trying to draw breath. It's weird, breathing is suddenly difficult, like my lungs are being compressed.

The door to the passage opens, I hear it creak, and James is there, picking up my wand, holding my hand, leading me out of the passage. I'm relieved to find that I can breathe properly again, gasping for sweet, pure oxygen, falling to my knees and he's scanning me, looking for injuries, but there aren't any. I'm fine.  
I'm out.

"I'm okay." I get out, and it's true. I'm out. "Really, James. I'm okay."  
"You have claustrophobia." It's not a question; he looks concerned, kneeling down next to me on the floor.  
I nod, slightly embarrassed, and stare at the floor. " Is that any better, Lils?"  
"Yeah. I just don't like small spaces. I'm fine."  
"He frowns down at the rapidly closing passage. "Huh. So we won't go down that way then." I let out a feeble giggle.

Taking my hand, James pulls me up, and we walk down the corridor, him watching the map, me still breathing deeply.  
"Do you want to go outside?"  
"Yes please." I nod, relieved, and he leads me down the stone steps, past the greenhouses, out into the grounds, his hand warm in mine, sending tingles running up and down my arm. The wind on my face is calming, and I smile as my hair's blown out of my face, following where James is taking me mindlessly. It's only when we approach the broom cupboard near to the Quidditch stands that I tug on his arm.

"James, where are we going?"  
"Flying." He grins.  
"But, James, I can't...I mean, I don't-"  
"I know that you can't fly very well, I've never seen you out here, but there's a Quidditch match against Hufflepuff tomorrow, and I'm the Seeker and Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, so I can fly. I'll help you."  
"It's just-"  
"I know you don't like accepting help, but-"  
"James, LISTEN! I've never been on a broom."  
His jaw drops. "Ever?"  
"Nope."  
"But...but...how?" He looks aghast.  
"I missed the flying lesson in first year because I was sick, and I never really got the chance. Alice is scared of heights, and Marlene doesn't care about Quidditch or flying, or anything, really, so I never learnt, and I never got on a broom."  
"I would've have taught you!"  
"Well, I didn't exactly like you until now, did I, so I wasn't going to ask you, was I?"  
"You like me now, huh? I finally did it! Hogwarts, Lily Evans has admitted she likes me, in a normal conversation, not under duress!" He announces in a triumphant voice, and I roll my eyes. "Let's get on with it then."

Smirking, he yanks out a shiny broom, twigs clipped and handle polished. "This baby is mine. A Silver Arrow."  
"That means nothing to me, you know that?"  
He sighs. "It's only the best broom in the business. Ok, come on then."

I step nervously towards him and James rolls his eyes. "Right, Lils, do you trust me?"  
"To get rid of a Boggart? Yes. To annoy the hell out of me? Yes. To win the Quidditch Cup? Yes. But to keep me alive while hovering on a flimsy plank of wood? Not so much."  
"This will make you feel better after earlier, I promise. Sirius-well...come on, Lils!"  
"But what if-"  
"Lily, shut up and get on the plank of wood."

I have to suppress a grin at that, and I walk over to where's he's standing with the broom. "Where do I-"  
"You'll go at the front and I'll sit behind you."  
I sit down where he points and then suddenly start to panic.  
"But don't you have to go at the front to...you know, steer?"  
"Yeah, but having two people on the broom will make it heavier, so we won't be going as fast as I usually would, so it'll be easier to steer."  
"Still, why do I have to go at the front?"  
"So..." He takes a deep breath, and then replies patiently. "So that you don't fall off the end."  
"Fall off? How fast are we going to be going?"  
"You'll see."

Before I can protest, he hops onto the back of the broom, wraps his arm around me, grabs the handle and kicks off from the ground. I fall backwards into him, before straightening myself up and looking down nervously, but we're only about a foot off the ground.  
"Did you mean to do that?"  
"Yep."  
He leans forwards.

Then we're flying, soaring up and around and down. The wind's battering my face relentlessly, and the tip of my nose is ice-cold. Tears are forced to my eyes from the strong wind, and I'm laughing. Slowing down, James leans forward and speaks in my ear.  
"Do you want me to slow down?"  
"No! Go faster!" I laugh, and he obliges, diving towards the ground and pulling up at the last second; circling the stands and flying forwards then stopping in mid-air so that I fall into him, giggling.

I've never felt more free.

 **Toodle pip,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	25. Friendly

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not now magically own the Harry Potter franchise.  
(I wish I did though, does that count?)  
There's an author note at the bottom this time, answering J's question. I'm going for a bit of variety. :)  
Enjoy xx  
**

My euphoria is dimmed slightly as we dismount clumsily on the lawn, as I can see McGonagall striding towards us, but I still can't get the huge smile off my face.

"What on EARTH do you think you're doing?" She sounds irritable, and I know we need to be careful here. I open my mouth to try and explain but James quickly starts, describing the events of the morning much faster and much clearer than I would have.  
"You see Professor, this morning there was a Boggart in the Heads' common room, and it freaked us out, and we were snapping at everyone and I couldn't concentrate so I persuaded Lily to skip lessons with me. We have loads of Head stuff to do tomorrow and there's the Quidditch match too and I need to practise. So I thought trying to work for one lesson would be pointless, and we haven't really seen each other all week."

I think that's pushing it a bit, and apparently McGonagall does too, because she narrows her eyes.  
"So a Boggart in your common room made it acceptable to skip my lesson?"  
"It wasn't so much that fact that there was a Boggart, it was what we saw, Professor, when it transformed."  
"I see." She has strange look on her face, like sympathy. "Has the creature been disposed of?"  
"Yes." I speak up. "James got rid of it eventually."

"Eventually? You do realise that either of you could have got a member of staff to dispose of it?"  
"It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision, Professor."  
"Very well. As long as neither of you were physically harmed. Now, I suggest you back inside to the Great Hall. Lunch will be being served soon enough."  
"But...Professor?" James looks as shocked as I feel. "Aren't you going to punish us?"  
I mentally smack my hand against my forehead.  
"Not unless you wish me to, Mr Potter. A powerful Boggart can prove difficult to dispel even with fully-trained witches and wizards. If anything, you should be congratulate on how you handled the situation, quite admirably. Your reasons for skipping class were valid, though I expect you both to be present for every one of my lessons this term, or you shall receive detention. Understood?"

We nod assent and set off up the path up to the school in silence. When Professor McGonagall is finally out of earshot, walking up to the greenhouses, James whistles. "Wow...who knew that McGonagall had a heart?"  
"Everyone who took remedial Transfiguration before the OWLs." I laugh and he makes a noise of disbelief.  
"There's no way that you needed remedial Transfiguration!"  
"I didn't _need_ it, I just wanted to get an Outstanding."  
"And did you?"  
"Yep."  
"Clever-clogs." He pokes me in the side, and I squirm away, slapping him on the arm.  
"Stop it! You're so _annoying_..."  
"Ahh, you love me really." He jokes, slinging an arm around my neck as we walk back to the castle.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"So you went flying? And skipped Transfiguration?" Sirius sounds impressed as he piles his plate high, and James nods proudly.  
"Yep. But McGonagall was already annoyed before she found out about her Head Students skiving off. What did you do, Pads?"  
Sirius grins sheepishly. "Let's just say that it reminded everyone of the exploding toads incident last year." I bury my head in my hands and groan.  
"Why do we have to keep bringing that up? It was last year! It's not even...recent!"  
"Yeah, but it's still funny, Lily." Marlene grins and then pokes Sirius. "Go on then, pretty boy, tell them what you did."  
"I am not a _pretty boy_ Mar, I'm a super hot bad boy."  
" _Sure,_ Sirius. Just tell them, go on!"  
"Well, I was bored, and that git Diggory was winking at Mar, so I blew up his toad."  
"Then you did what, super hot bad boy?" Marlene smiles at him.  
"It was only...ok, I didn't just blow up his toad. I also blew up his inkwell, and ink went all over him, and his notes caught fire."  
"And then?"  
"Then he tried to put them out by hitting them, stupid move really, and somehow his hair caught fire. Moony put it out with a bit of water, and McGonagall got a bit...upset. So I have a week's detention for 'disrupting the class' with my 'ridiculous antics'. How long you and Evans got?"  
I grin. "Nothing. No punishment."  
"WHAT? I give that git what he deserves for hitting on my girlfriend and insulting Evans, and you skip class and aren't even told off. What kind of school system is this?"  
"A very biased one. Towards awesome students."  
"So I'm not awesome now? Mar, I'm awesome, right?"  
"Sure you are, bad boy. Sure you are."

He leans down to kiss her, and James covers my eyes. "I don't want you to lose your breakfast."  
Laughing slightly, I pull his hands off my eyes just as my two friends break apart, gasping for breath. Ladling soup into my bowl, I blow on my first spoonful impatiently and shove it in my mouth, gasping as I'm pretty sure that I can feel my mouth blistering.  
"The soup...it's really hot." I gasp, then gulp down some water, and Frank laughs, smiling sympathetically.  
"You have no idea how many times I've done that with onion soup. I love the stuff, but it practically burns your mouth off."  
James leans round, peering at me. "Oh good, you still have a mouth."  
"I would've thought you'd be glad. No more yelling." Sirius and James laugh, and then my boyfriend shakes his head.  
"True. But no more your mouth means no more kissing you." I blush, and Sirius covers Marlene's eyes.  
"What's this for Sirius?"  
"They're going to kiss, Mar, and I don't want you to lose your breakfast."

Smiling at his antics, James kisses me softly, and once again I'm feel like I'm flying.

 **A/N: So, J, I think it would definitely be a good idea for you to start writing fanfiction. If you love to write, and have loads of ideas, then go for it! I started because I read loads of other awesome writers on here, and I was like, if they can do it, why can't I? Let me know if you do post a story and your username, I'd love to read them. You could be called: 'The amazing reviewer.' ;)  
Good luck and have fun!**

 **Cheerio,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	26. Guilty

**Disclaimer: Surprise, surprise, I don't own the HP franchise. (Ooh, that rhymes!)  
The author's note is at the end again. Thank you soooo much to everyone who's reviewed!  
Enjoy xx  
**

 **"** James! Stop it. He's not doing anything." I snap as my boyfriend growls under his breath, glaring over at Benji Fenwick, who's stopped smiling at me and now looks scared.  
"He's leering at you," he mutters, eyes still fixed on the boy. "He's leering at you, and I don't like it."  
"Yes, well, I gathered that. Just leave it. He's not doing anything, he just smiled at me, okay? It's not bothering me, so just leave it."  
Thankfully, James nods reluctantly from his seat next to me in Charms, the only lesson he sits next to me in, and grabs his quill, dips it in ink and starts to write.

Unfortunately Benji _has_ to choose that moment to catch my eye and wave. I raise my arm to wave discreetly back, but James grabs my arm and guides it back down onto the table, mouthing obscenities about a certain Fenwick's mother to the once again scared looking boy.  
"James!" I hiss, furious: _HOW DARE HE THINK HE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO?,_ but before I can let out my anger Flitwick interrupts.

"Now, now, Mr Potter, Miss Evans, let's show me the progress you've made on the Emotion Detection Charm. Come on then, Miss Evans."  
Still seething, I grit my teeth and point my wand at my head. "Adfectus." A red smoke billows from the end of my wand, circling James' head and making him cough. Red signifies "Anger? Is this the emotion you are experiencing currently, Miss Evans?"  
"Yes, I _wonder_ why!" I spit sarcastically, and James flinches. Flitwick, however, sounds delighted.  
"Excellent Miss Evans! 5 points to Gryffindor." With that, he pats me on the shoulder and walks off to inspect the other tables.

"Lily-" James starts to whisper but I cut him off.  
"What was that? I can wave at someone if I want to! How dare you stop me?!"  
"Because don't you think it's a little weird that you're waving at a boy who isn't your boyfriend?"  
"I wave at Sirius and Remus and Peter all the time!"  
"Well they're okay!"  
"What you really mean is that approve of them."  
"Yeah, I am your boyfriend. Yeah, I get a bit protective if another guy waves at you. So sue me."  
"It's not even that that annoyed me! It's that you think you can just stop me doing something. You're not the boss of me James!"  
"Well, you're not the boss of me either!"  
"That's beside the point! I'm not the one whose stopping you waving at someone."  
"But you are the one who's moaning at me for no reason! You would do the same thing to me if you got jealous."  
"So I'm _jealous_ now?!"  
"Yeah! You do get jealous. Don't tell me you yelled at me in sixth year because you were mad at me! Nicole didn't even do anything wrong!"  
"How...I just...I honestly can't believe that one person could have such a big ego! I didn't yell at you because I liked you, I yelled at you because you're an arrogant toerag! I hated you!"  
"You hated me?!"  
"Yeah, and I'm not sure I ever stopped!"

Then. That's when I know I've gone too far.  
James stands up abruptly and mutters something to Professor Flitwick, who nods, then he storms out, leaving me close to tears and speechless. I stare blankly at the door for a minute as it swings shut, and then slowly pull out a piece of parchment and start trying to write. The only thing is, the tears are blurring my vision. Wiping them angrily away, I mentally berate myself.

 _Why? Why did I have to say that? It was a stupid thing to argue about anyway. Why didn't I just give it up and let him apologise? It wasn't even a big deal. We do that kind of thing all the time! He was stressed anyway, about the match tomorrow, and then I had to go and do that!  
Merlin, I don't hate him. I might even...love him.  
_ _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Someone prods me in the back, and I turn around to look at Alice, who looks concerned. "Are you okay? What happened? Where's James?"  
I scribble onto a piece of parchment what happened and shove it in her direction, biting my lip to hold back tears.  
( **A/N: _ITALICS-_** _LILY **UNDERLINED-**_ Alice)

 _We had an argument and I was an idiot and I said that I still hate him and that's so not true!  
_ Ok, then what?  
 _He stormed out and I was making a mountain out of a molehill and being an idiot and it was ridiculous and I started an argument for no reason because I was just mad and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, ALICE!  
Breathe, Lils. Breathe, and apologise a lot.  
But I don't know where he is and I messed up and_ _Alice..._  
Oh, Lily...  
 _Alice, HELP! What do I say? I'm so so sorry and I didn't mean to and I was being an idiot and stupid and bratty and Fenwick waved at me and James glared at him and was all sweet and protective and then I was stupid and bratty and an idiot. I am stupid and bratty and an idiot.  
_ Lily, you are NOT stupid, or bratty, but you have been a little bit of an idiot. Talk to him, and tell him what you just told me and he'll forgive you because he likes you a lot and you definitely like him a lot because you're freaking out because you hurt him.  
 _I said I hated him Alice.  
_ He knows that you don't.  
 _But what if he doesn't?  
_ Of course you don't...do you?  


 _NO! I think I might, you know. The L-WORD!  
_ Like? _  
_ _NO!_ _  
_Lick? _  
_ _EWWW NO. COME ON ALICE..._ _  
_L-o-v-e? _  
Maybe.  
_ Then tell him that! _  
_ _But I can't! What if he doesn't say it back?_ _  
_Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way that he looks at you? He definitely l-words you. _  
_ _So I should tell him?_ _  
_YES. GO. AS SOON AS LUNCH STARTS. I'll save you a croissant. _  
Thanks Alice.  
_ Go get him. Again.  
  


 **Did you like it? I'm open to suggestions for what should happen in the next chapter, so feel free to let me know your ideas!**

 **A/N: Hi, JoyI9199, it's great to know that you liked it! It is absolutely fine for you to use the time frame for your fanfic, and if you can, please let me know what it's called; I'd love to read it. I've done something similar in a one-shot called Blind, but it doesn't follow this story, so it would be great to read BbB from Snape's point of view. Have fun!**

 **2nd A/N: So, J , I love the idea of Hypothetically, and I've got a sneaking suspicion that your Marauders story is about a girl Marauder, which sounds great! Very secretive and fun... I love Summer Changes, I think it's really good, and it makes me laugh, which is always a plus! Happy Writing!**

 **Ta ta,  
** **She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	27. Lost

**Disclaimer: I do not now miraculously own Harry Potter. That would need a pretty big miracle!**

 **A/N: Hiya Joy, I usually update at the weekend, but I had time today so I thought, why not? I love to respond to reviews because I like people to know how much I love their reviews, and how grateful for them I am. Glad you liked it!**

 **A/N...2?: Hello J, I think your story sounds great! Evan sounds really interesting and fun, something that rarely happens with a fifth Marauder story. Just saying... Good luck, and I'll keep an eye for it!**

"James?"  
I push open his bedroom door and peep around it. He's standing by the window, his back to me, fiddling with his tie. At the sound of my voice, he turns around, running his hand through his hair.  
"What do you want Evans?" His voice is cold, and defeated, and it breaks my heart.  
"James-"  
"No."  
"What?"  
"No. Don't call me that."  
I try to speak, but my voice cracks.  
"James, please-"  
"No!" He snaps back, his voice harsh. "No. You can't do that Evans. It's not fair. Stop making this harder than it already is by acting upset."  
"Well, I'm sorry. But don't expect me to act happy when my boyfriend breaks up with me!"

"What did you come here for anyway?"  
"I actually came to apologise."  
"Oh yeah? What for?"  
"For what I said in there, I-"  
"Why apologise? If you really do hate me, then you must be a pretty good actress, and then there's no need to apologise. I'd like the truth, not the lies you've been telling me."  
"I wouldn't lie to you! James, Merlin, I don't hate you! I like you, a lot, and I'm sorry and I was an idiot, and-"  
"Lily!"  
"What?"  
"We can't do this anymore."  
Silence.  
"We can't keep arguing and making up and fighting and pretending that everything's alright."  
More silence.  
Then I get up the strength to speak.

"Look me in the eyes."  
"What?"  
"James Potter, look me in the eyes and say that we can't do this anymore. Look me in the eyes and say that it's over. When you can do that, I'll believe you. Because, right now, I don't believe you. James Potter cannot lie to his friends. You can't lie to them, and you can't lie to me. So go on. Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and break my heart."  
"I can't."  
"Then I don't believe you."  
"Argh!" He turns around again so that he's facing me and raises his arm, and I flinch. Big mistake. He was just ruffling his hair.  
There's a moment of silence.  
"Lily...what...why...did you...did you think that I was going to hit you?"  
James sounds shocked. I shake my head, but my fear must show on my face, because he steps backwards, exhaling through his mouth.  
"Merlin Lily. I would never hit you..."  
"I know that."  
"No, you obviously don't! Lily, I would never hit you. Promise me you know that. Promise me!"  
I nod dumbly, and watch him take a deep breath and walk over to me, bending down slightly so that we're at eye-level. My heart skips a beat, and there are tears in my eyes.

"Lily...I'm sorry. Merlin I'm sorry...but it's over."  
And my heart shatters into a thousand tiny pieces.

I'm vaguely aware of turning and walking out, and walking, and walking, and walking, eyes blurred with tears, climbing a set of stairs, and then some more. Someone's calling me, but I can't hear who it is, and unless it's _him_ then I'm not stopping.  
Then that same someone takes my arm and is leading me somewhere and then we're going to down some stairs, and more stairs, and more walking. I hear the Fat Lady ask something, ad I hear Alice answer, and then we're walking up a familiar spiral staircase and then I'm sitting on a bed.

"Lily? What happened? Are you okay? Did James...?"  
I manage to choke something out before collapsing into tears.  
"James...he said...he said it was over."  
She throws her arms around me as I sob, and the only thing I can think is that it's not him holding me, and that makes me cry harder.  
"I'll kill him, Lils. I'll kill him, and I'll make it painful." I smile weakly, and I take some deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Then I force myself to look at her concerned face. "What happened Lils?"  
"He said we couldn't keep arguing. So he broke it up."  
"It's okay. Ok, I know it's not, but it will be. He's not worth you getting upset over."  
"But he is!"  
"Lily-"  
"No, he is! James Potter is great and kind and generous and funny and amazing and he broke up with me!"  
"Yes, but Lily-"  
"Yes Alice?"  
"He may be great Lils, and maybe he is, but he dumped _you,_ and that makes him an idiotic, arrogant prat. He'll realise what he's missing now that it's gone. Stop talking to him, but stay civil, and make him jealous!"  
"But Alice?" I wipe my eyes and tuck my hair behind my ears, rubbing my aching forehead. "I don't think...I can't...I hate it...but...what am I going to do without him?" My best friend rubs my shoulder.  
"I know Lils, I know. But everything will be okay, yeah?"

I try my hardest to believe her, but I'm not reassured.  
I'm not with James Potter.  
He isn't with me.  
We're not together.  
So nothing is alright.

 **Don't hate me! I'm sorry! (** ** _Ducks rotten fruit and vegetables!)  
_** **Uhrm... review?** **Please?**  
 **Lo siento,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	28. Protective

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, am not J.K Rowling, so I do not own Harry Potter. Sorry to disappoint you.  
A/N: I have not intention to step on a LEGO. Once again, sorry to disappoint you. ;)  
Enjoy xx (hopefully...)**

 _"I'm sorry, Lily, but it's over."_

The rest of the day seems empty.  
So does the rest of the weekend.

The Quidditch match comes and goes, and I sit up in my room and practise Transfiguration. They lost the match, so there was no party, but James didn't come back that night. On Monday morning, I go downstairs and eat breakfast in the Great Hall. Then lunch. Then dinner. I go to all of my lessons. I do my rounds alone. I talk to my friends. I try to act normal. Act like everything's alright.  
But it's far from alright.  
He's acting different too, Alice says. I'm avoiding him, never catching his eye, and he must be doing the same, because I haven't spoken, or even looked at him since... _that_ day.

As I'm sitting in the Gryffindor common room on Tuesday evening, Sirius comes up to me.  
"Look, Evans...I know about the...the thing with you and Prongs, and he's being a git. Don't worry about it, okay? He'll realise what a big mistake he's made soon enough. So hold on, okay? Hold on."

With that, he pulls me into a quick, one-armed hug. I close my eyes, and just for a minute, I can pretend that it's _him_ hugging me. Then he lets go, but as he walks back over to sit with Remus, I feel a rush of affection for a certain Sirius Black. He's... _his_ best mate, yet Sirius still came and gave James' ex-girlfriend a hug to make her feel better, and it worked. At least, kind of.  
James is better at picking out friends than I gave him credit for. He just can't pick the right girlfriends, apparently.

There's a knock on the portrait hole, which causes the Fat Lady to shriek in protest instantly. I get up, confused, and walk over to the door, yanking on the door, Alice close behind me. Outside stands Amos Diggory. I go to the slam the door, but he catches it and looks up at me imploringly.  
"Wait a minute, b-Lily, I just wanted to ask about something."  
Torn between being a good Head Girl and following my instincts, I dither in the doorway, giving him the chance to open the door halfway, and I sigh.  
"What do you want?"  
"It'll only take a minute. Come on, please Lily."  
Alice moves a bit closer to me, drawing herself up to her full height.  
"If you try anything-"  
"I give you full permission to hex me." He grins, obviously trying to be charming, and drastically fails.  
"Fine."

Alice and I step outside, and my hand immediately shoots to my pocket, hand resting on my wand.  
"I'll say it again, Diggory. What do you want?"  
"I wanted to see how you were."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Well, you and Potter broke up, right?"  
"You shouldn't believe everything you hear."  
"So it's not true?"  
"That's neither here nor there."  
"On the contrary, it is here and there. I wanted to see if you were alright and see if my sources are correct."  
"Your sources?"  
"Yes, my sources. The ones that told me that you were snogging Lupin, for example."  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Diggory. I didn't realise."  
"What?"  
"I mean, it's never easy to admit that you have schizophrenia. I am Head Girl, so I am always ready to listen, but family should really know first..."  
Behind me, Alice sniggers, and I nudge her gently, telepathically pleading her to move so that we can go back inside.  
Diggory is obviously fighting to keep calm. "I think that's quite rude, actually. I only came to see if you were alright-"  
"Ok, then, I am fine. Besides, are you trying to lecture _me_ on being rude? You certainly don't have the right to do that."  
"I don't want to be judged on my past mistakes-"

"Okay, Diggory, what do you want?" Alice cuts across him, stepping forward. "Stop acting smart, it doesn't suit you, and tell us what you want."  
"It's just...there's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend, and-" He looks a bit nervous.  
"What did you say?" I keep my voice quiet, steely calm.  
He definitely looks nervous now. "I said, there's a Hogsmeade visit for Halloween next weekend, and I was wondering..."  
"Whether you could go with Alice? Oh, I'm sorry Diggory, but she's taken. Anything else you want to share?"  
"No I didn't want to ask out Day, I was actually wondering whether-"

The portrait hole bangs open, followed by a faint protest from the Fat Lady, and Remus steps out, closely followed by Sirius.  
I can't help it; I feel a glimmer of hope as I see them. _They can help.  
"_Black. Lupin. What a pleasure." Diggory's voice is suddenly frosty, and as I turn to my friends, I can see them squaring up for a fight.  
"Diggory. I'm afraid I can't say the same." Sirius snarls.  
Diggory's frown deepens as Alice and I move a little closer to our fellow Gryffindors.  
"What do you want?" The Hufflepuff's tone is threatening now, and I watch Sirius reach for his wand.

"Oh, we merely wanted to see what was taking the girls so long to come back in. Now, though, we understand why."  
Remus' voice is calm, and casual, as if they're dicussing something trivial, but there's an edge to it that I haven't heard before.  
"I was speaking to Lily."  
"Lily? Lily, do you want to speak to this... _man?"_ Sirius spits, but there's a hint of concern in his eyes.  
"Well, he was just asking me something, actually?"  
"Really? Care to share, Diggory?"  
The shorter boy stands up taller, and suddenly he is holding his wand. "Whatever I want to ask Lily is none of your business."  
"Really?" Remus has his hand on his wand too now. "I think, on the contrary, that it is indeed our business. Lily is our friend, so forgive us for being a little protective when she disappears from the common room with her best friend, to speak to...well, _you."_  
"Your friend? What a load of rubbish. You're only looking out for her because Potter would kill you if anything happened to her."

Sirius starts to speak, but it cut off by a voice behind us.  
"It wouldn't be them I'd be killing."  
 _James._  
"Potter."  
"Diggory. Unless you want something, get out of here. Before I do something I'll regret. "  
 _Breathe Lily. Breathe._  
"I do want something actually, Potter."  
"Really? What's that? Going to try to make another pass at my girlfriend?"

 _Don't look at him. Look at Sirius. Look at Remus. Look at Alice. Look at the wall. Anything!_

"Your girlfriend? Ha! She's not your girlfriend anymore, or so I hear. Messed it up, did you? Dumped her? Or did she dump you? Can't blame her, if I'm being honest."  
 _Shut up.  
_ Next to me, Remus is holding back Sirius, with difficulty.  
I'm still not looking at James. _  
_"Did she realise what was wrong with you, Potter? Realise what a coward you are? Weren't so brave were you, when Mr Potter died? Were you?"

"Shut up!" I flick my wand, and his wand goes flying. Casting a quick Silencing charm, I poke him the chest with my wand.  
"Shut up! You know _nothing!_ Nothing! You know nothing about James Potter, and you will never be as good as him. So shut up and go back to your common room before _I_ do something that _I_ regret! You already have a week's detention for touching an enchanted painting. Don't make it a month! GO. NOW."

The stunned looking boy turns and runs off down the corridor, clutching his throat frantically, and I pocket his wand; he can have it back tomorrow.  
If I feel like it.

My friends are all looking at me, stunned, but my eyes are searching for James.  
There are tears in his eyes as he looks at me, more openly than he's done in a long time.  
"Can we talk?"

Without thinking, I nod, and follow him into the common room.

 **Duh, duh...duuuun!  
Good luck on waiting for the next one!  
Reviews make me update faster, by the way!**

 **Danke,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	29. Found

**Disclaimer: It's still not mine!**

 **If you like Marauders era stories, which I'm guessing you do, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, then check out my new story, Fly! It focuses on Sirius, and has even more cliffhangers! Woo! Hooray for you!  
** **It is also a mystery story. Lots of plot twists... Dun dun duuun! Chapter 4 is up now!**

 **A/N: Thank you all for 22 reviews! Love you so much! Xx**

I sit down nervously on the edge of a bed that I'm hoping is Remus' and look up at the pacing boy in front of me.

"Can you stop pacing? It's making me nervous." He stops immediately and turns to look at me, sitting on the edge of another bed.  
"Sorry."

We stay in silence for a minute, and I just look at him, drinking in every detail of him, every part that I've missed. His round glasses that I said I hated but never really did. The part of his hair that will never lie flat. The freckle next to his left eye. The birthmark on his chin. His amazing hazel eyes.

Then he looks up, and I glance away, blushing slightly.  
"Thank you."  
"What for?"  
"For...you know. Out there."  
"I had to-"  
"No you didn't-"  
"Yes, I did! I couldn't just stand there and let him insult you like that."  
"There's a feeling I'm familiar with."

A minute of silence.

"I really missed you Lily."

"You shouldn't have broken up with me then." As soon as the words are out of mouth I regret them, and I sigh.  
"I'm sorry. I missed you too. I couldn't believe that you actually...did it."

"Neither could I. I said...it, and then you walked out, and I couldn't believe what I'd just done. I...I don't know what I was thinking, Lily."  
"Maybe you weren't ."  
"No, I wasn't."

I don't think that I can stand anymore silence.

"Say something." I blurt out, and he looks at me curiously.  
"What? Why?"  
"I can't stand the silence."  
"Yet another feeling I know a lot about."

No MORE SILENCE! PLEASE!

"Why did you break up with me, James? It can't be because of the arguing, we do that all the time, and that didn't stop you before. I apologised for what I said and I made a mistake, but everyone does that. So why?"  
"I don't know."  
"You don't know _WHY_ you broke up with me? You just, I don't know, _felt_ like it?"

"No, it wasn't like that, we've always argued, and I thought, I don't know, you started arguments for no reason, and maybe I did too, but we're so different, and-"

"Yeah, we are, and have you ever heard of opposites attract? James, you made me cry for three nights in a ROW! You broke my heart! I was so mad, and so upset and now you don't even know WHY you broke up with me? Merlin..."  
"Lily, you messed up too, don't make this all my fault!"  
"I never said I was Little Miss Perfect James."  
"Yeah, but you sure do act like it sometimes."  
"I'm _sorry_! But can you hear yourself? I apologised to you. What more do you want?"

I stand up and walk over to him and let absolutely everything out.

"If you want me to say sorry for arguing with you, fine. But I might as well apologise for all this too.  
I'm sorry that I'm argumentative and sarcastic and overenthusiastic and dramatic. I'm sorry that I hate high heels and like to wear my hair in bunches. I'm sorry that I'm 5 foot 2 inches and therefore nearly a head shorter than you.  
I'm sorry that I have red hair and green eyes. I'm sorry that I argue with you."  
I'm sorry that I'm Lily Evans."

The tears that have been threatening to spill over since I came upstairs stream down my face, but I hold his gaze as he stands up.  
When he speaks, his voice is quiet, and sure.

"Don't you dare say sorry. Don't you dare apologise. Because...I love you, Lily.  
I love that you're argumentative and sarcastic and overenthusiastic and dramatic. I love that you hate wearing high heels and love it when you wear your hair in bunches. I love that you are 5 foot 2 inches and therefore nearly a head shorter than me.  
I love your red hair and your beautiful green eyes. I love it when you argue with me.  
I love that you're Lily Evans and I love you, Lily Evans."

 _Merlin.  
James.  
_"I love you too."

Then I throw my arms around him, and he's hugging me back as hard as he can, and suddenly everything's alright again.

 **YAY! THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER! I'm SO HAPPY!** ***does victory dance*** **  
The only thing that could make me any happier is someone REVIEWING!  
SQUEEE! SOOO CUTE!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
*promptly melts into puddle of happiness on the floor***


	30. Frantic

**Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Sorry guys.  
A/N: Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed/followed/favourited. You people are amazing!  
Enjoy xx  
**

James doesn't leave my side for the entire evening.  
We sit on the sofa in our common room, him playing with my hair and me leaning against him, sometimes talking, sometimes not.  
Just being together.

After a while, I get up to go to the toilet, and James grabs my arm.  
"Where are you going?"  
I laugh. "Just to the bathroom."  
"Why?" He whines, and I slap him playfully on the arm.  
"Because I need to. I'll be back in a minute."  
"Fine." He huffs and then shoos me away with his hands. "Go on then! Go. Quick!"  
Rolling my eyes, I practically float up the stairs and walk into the bathroom. When I'm done, I wash my hands and smooth my ruffled hair in the mirror, grinning at my dishevelled reflection.

As I run back down the stairs, I call out to James. "I'm back!"  
"Thank Merlin!" He pulls me back down onto the sofa, and I lean into him, then sit up, remembering something.  
"James?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"You do know that there's Transfiguration homework due tomorrow, right?"  
"Uhhh...sure?"  
"Have you done it?"  
"I think so..."  
"Hang on, I'll have a look."  
Ignoring his protests, I get up slowly, and sift through the pile of parchment on the table.  
"Nope, it's not here...now that I think of it...where's mine?"

I flick through the pile quickly, and then go through it again frantically.  
"No...no...Merlin...no!"  
"What is it, Lils? What's wrong?"  
"I can't...I can't find it! My essay!"  
"Don't worry, we'll find it. Come on, I'll help."  
"You have to do yours!"  
"It's ok, we'll find yours first, and then I'll do mine."  
I'm a bit worried about him not doing the essay, but I have to find mine.  
"I spent hours on it!"  
"I know Lily. I know. We'll find it though. Don't worry."

I make my way upstairs, checking every surface for my essay, but it's nowhere to be found.  
Half an hour of searching later, I'm pacing in the common room as James slumps down on the sofa.  
"So you've checked everywhere?"  
"Yep." I nod, counting off places on my fingers. "Down here, upstairs, my room, your room and the desk. Everywhere."  
"Have you checked the common room?"  
"No...but then I can't go there anyway, and the house-elves or Alice would return it if they found it. So it must be somewhere else."  
He rolls his eyes. "We can go, Lily. I have an Invisibility Cloak, remember?"  
"No, you don't, you lent it to Sirius, along with the Map."  
"Uhhh!" He slaps his hand to his forehead. "I forgot!"  
"No, really?" I snap, and then try to calm myself down. _It's not his fault._

"It's okay, James. I'll just re-start it. I'll have time if I start now."  
"Alright...I'll go check in your room again, just in case you missed anything."  
"Okay, thanks."

He gets up and jogs up the stairs, and I sit down, pulling my quill and inkwell out of my bag. Dipping my quill in my ink, I write a few sentences, and then read them over, pulling my hair out of its ponytail.

 _Conjuring charms are, despite popular belief, the opposite of not Vanishing charms, but Summoning charms. The incantation 'Accio', brings the object to the caster's side, it does not cause it to appear out of thin air with the caster as the Conjuring charm does._

Suddenly, there's a shout from upstairs, and James comes running down the stairs.  
"I've got it!"  
"What?!"  
"I've got it! Your essay!"

He holds up a piece of parchment covered in familiar handwriting, and I run towards him, kissing him soundly on the lips.  
"How? Where was it?"  
"I don't know! I just summoned it!"  
"What?"  
"You know, with _Accio!"  
_ "Holy Agrippa...how did we not think of that earlier?"  
"I don't know!"  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I pull him into a kiss.

As we break apart, I pluck the essay out of his hands and lay it carefully on the table, before kissing him again.  
When we finally come up for air, I smile at him. "I love you so much."  
"Why? Because I'm amazing? Or because I found your essay?"  
I laugh. "Both. Everything. Because you're James Potter."  
"In that case, I love you too."

I collapse on the sofa next to him again, and pull a textbook out of my bag.  
"Okay then, James. Use chapter three of this and write your essay."  
He laughs. "Only you would tell me to do an essay."  
"Yep. But if I didn't, you would get a detention, and I don't want that to happen. I haven't done rounds today, and I don't want to do them on my own tomorrow. So no detentions. Okay?"  
"Okay. You're the boss."  
"Am I?"  
"Sure. You're the boss."  
"I'm the boss."  
I say it out loud, tasting the words. "I'm the boss."

Still smiling, I summon my Defence textbook from the dorm and start to read the chapter on the origin of Dementors, occasionally shuddering at the descriptions. As I reach the paragraph on the first recorded sighting, I sub-consciously move my hand outwards, just to make sure James is there, and wince at the pictures that show people with horrible blank eyes and vacant expressions.  
 _This is too depressing.  
_

I flick through the book and read the page on Patroni, smiling at the familiar silvery animals. After a few minutes, I close the book and stand up, and haul my bag up over my shoulder. "I'm going to go up to bed, okay?"  
"Okay, Petal."

I kiss him on the forehead, and he squeezes my hand, and I walk up to bed.

 **Asante,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	31. Restless

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling. Just to make it clear.  
A/N: Evan sounds really cool, J, and I'm sure Sirius really is a wuss sometimes. He was probably scared of cats! :)  
Umm...Inkwing? So... a raven?  
Enjoy xx**

Sirius has started calling me Lily.  
We're sitting on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room the next evening, and he's telling me a story about the time that James accidentally turned his house-elf into a guinea pig.  
"And...then...and then, you know James, he tried to fix it...and Topsy was just scuttling around and squeaking like mad! Then Peter nearly stood on her, so she bit him...but that's a story for another time...and then...oh Merlin...his mum came in, and I'm lying on the floor, laughing like crazy, and Remus is trying to calm James down, and Peter's just slumped on the floor, acting like his foot's fallen off..."

We're both laughing now, so when James walks into the common room, we both collapse into hysterical laughter.  
"What?" He looks a bit nervous.  
"It's just...guinea pig..." I try to explain, but it comes out garbled.  
"What? What is it?"  
"You...you turned your house elf...into a...a guinea pig!" I laugh at him, and he steps backwards, glaring at Sirius.  
"You said you'd never mention that again!"  
"Ahhh, well, Lily here needs some blackmail material."  
"I sure do. I have some great ones already, though."  
"Really? Like what?"  
"Well, did James ever tell you about the time that his frog-"  
"That's enough! Moving on! Lily and I have to go and do rounds."  
I stand up, rubbing my stomach, and Sirius does too, looking at James worriedly.

"But mate, don't you remember it's...you know?"  
"What?"  
"It's-"  
"Full moon." I finish, heart sinking.  
"Oh yeah..." James runs his hand through his hair. "Oh yeah, I completely forgot. Is Remus in the hospital wing?"  
"Yeah, I took him about half hour ago. We should probably go now. Pete said he'd meet us down there."  
"Oh...ok. Will you be okay Lils?"  
"Uh-huh." I nod, trying to cover up my fear. "Yeah, I'll be fine."  
"Don't do rounds if you don't want to, and don't wait up for me, ok? I'll be fine."  
"Ok. Alright then. Sure. Fine. You'd better go then. I'll see you later."

He bends down and kisses me on the forehead, and I wave to Sirius, and James picks up his bag before they both turn and depart.  
Instantly, I freeze, hands shaking slightly, and I can't believe how empty I feel without them here.

Breathing deeply, I decide to go and see Alice, get halfway up the stairs, and then decide against it; she knows me too well, she'll be able to tell that something's wrong. So I climb out of the portrait hole and walk the long way round back to our dorm, trying to kill some time. By the time I get there, it's only just turned nine o'clock, and I'm jumpy, nervy, jumping a foot in the air every time I hear a noise.

Slumping down on the sofa, I try to immerse myself in a book, but I can't concentrate, and I can't stay there.  
I walk up the stairs and wash my face, trying to wake myself up, but I can't. I just...can't.

Pulling my robe on, I walk out of the door, and start my rounds, checking all of the usual spots for late night escapades.  
Broom cupboard on the third floor...check.  
Empty classrooms...check.  
Secret passages...check.

Half an hour later, I'm revisiting all of the spots I've already checked, hoping that someone, anyone will appear. Finally, I'm forced to go to the Astronomy Tower, and I run up the stairs, a little scared despite myself. I immediately light my wand, and shiver as I see the full moon, misted over by clouds. Scanning the grounds, I search for any signs of movement, and suddenly every tree becomes a werewolf, and every creak of a branch becomes a scream.

After scouring every area of the Astronomy Tower, I find two cloaks, a small collection of Chocolate Frog cards, and a broken wand. I pile them neatly in the corner, look once again across the grounds and run back down the stairs again, the shadows looking a lot like monsters. I sprint back to the Heads' dorm, and fling myself down on the sofa, breathless and panting.

I check that I've done all of my homework, and then check that James has done all of his. I fold up all of my clothes, then fold up all of his. I read a book, and then read another. I practise the Protean charm that Professor Flitwick advised for me to practise, and master it in ten minutes. After all of this, I go upstairs and change into my nightdress, pull on a jumper and go back downstairs again. I spend the majority of the night dozing in the armchair, and watching the sky lighten outside.

At around four in the morning, the portrait hole creaks open and James, Sirius and Peter creep in, obviously trying to keep quiet.  
"Lily! You-"  
"Is anyone hurt?"  
"Well-"  
"James! Is anyone hurt?"  
"Yeah...Sirius cut his arm."  
"And James bruised his face!"  
"Ok, ok, that's enough Sirius. Lily, you should have gone to bed!"  
I ignore him completely, and pull Sirius' arm out gently, waving my wand to close the gash. Then I go over to James, and stroke my wand down his face, vanishing the bruise; I've always been good at healing spells.

"Peter? Are you alright?"  
"Yep. I'm fine. Thanks a million, Lily."  
"You're very welcome."  
"Yeah, thanks Lily."  
"It's absolutely fine Sirius. Don't strain that arm, ok?"  
"I won't."  
"Good. Ok, goodnight guys."  
"More like good morning."  
I smile at Sirius and he winks at me, before grabbing Peter's arm and walking out.

"I'm so glad you're alright, James! I was so worried and you weren't coming back and your face-"  
"My face is fine, Lils, now that you've fixed it. I'm fine, I promise. Merlin, you must be knackered. Go on, go up to bed, I'll wake you up when it's time to go down to breakfast, ok? You should get some sleep."  
I go to protest, but a wave of tiredness washes over me, and I sway slightly.  
"Ok then." I murmur, and he walks me up the stairs, his hand on my back reassuringly the whole time.

 **Reviews are appreciated!  
Gracias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	32. Mischievous

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Simple as that.  
A/N: I prefer Inkwing, J, but it's your story, so it's your choice! Don't worry about it being too guessable though, I had to think for a while.  
Enjoy xx**

I'm woken up at five in the morning on Halloween, by James, who gets up shouting "It's Halloween!" ridiculously loudly.  
Thank you, Captain Obvious.

I get up, pull on a jumper, grab my wand and storm down the stairs, grumbling all the way.  
"Morning Lily! It's Halloween!"  
"Yes James, I heard you. However it's also _five o'clock_ in the morning! On a Saturday!"  
"Oh...umm...sorry." He looks adorable, biting his lip and looking at the floor, and I yawn, going to sit next to him on the sofa.  
"So you heard me celebrating then?"  
"I think there are people in China that heard you, James. What's so special about Halloween, anyway?"  
He looks at me, evidently shocked. "Halloween's only the BEST day of the year!"  
"Wow, Christmas will be disappointed." I mutter, as he stands up, and starts to explain, gesticulating wildly.  
"So, there is the feast, and the Hogsmeade visit, and the pranks on the other houses, and the party, and, and-"  
"OK, I get the message. But why did you have to wake me up at _five o'clock in the morning_ to tell me this?!"  
"Well...we kind of need your help."  
I sigh. "With what?"  
"We wanted to do a charm in the Great Hall, and you're the best at Charms, and..."  
"And what?"  
"And you can probably do it without getting caught."  
"Hang on, why aren't you lot getting Remus to do it? He's good at Charms."  
"He's better at Defence, and anyway, he thinks the prank is stupid."  
"And is he right?"  
"Yep."  
"So why are you doing it? You're supposed to be Head Boy, you know, responsible and all that."  
"It's our last year at Hogwarts, so me and Sirius want to do one last Halloween prank."  
"Fine. But what do you want me to do?"

Two hours later, I'm dressed and in position with James outside the Great Hall, hands shaking slightly.  
"So, when do I do it?"  
"On Sirius' signal. Umm...aha! Go on then Lily."  
Taking a deep breath, I swish my wand in an arc, and then point at each of the giant pumpkins hovering in mid-air, muttering the spell under my breath. They quiver, and then still, and I grab James' hand, and start dragging him into the Hall.  
"What are you doing? Why isn't it working?" He hisses in my ear, and I whisper back.  
"It will work, we've got about a minute to sit down and look as innocent as possible."  
He nods, and we take our places at the table, mentally counting down the seconds. At ten seconds left, I flick my wand discreetly under the table. "Impervius."

The giant pumpkins start to circle in the air, and Professor Flitwick looks up worriedly, nudging Professor McGonagall, who points her wand at them. Luckily, I performed the charm well, so they just spin faster. Next to me, James is laughing, and Sirius is leaning back, admiring them with a smirk. "Three...two...one." I whisper, and the pumpkins explode.

I created a shield, so I'm clean, but everyone else is covered in the insides of a pumpkin, coughing and spluttering. Including James and Sirius.  
"Whoops." I mutter, as Sirius glares at me, desperately trying to get rid of the pumpkin in his hair.  
Next to me, James looks outraged. "Lily!"  
"That's for waking me up at five o'clock in the morning."

Standing up, I walk as quickly as I can towards the exit, grabbing a croissant on the way, and bump into Remus, who's standing by the doors, watching the chaos with a small smile on his face.  
"Roped you into it, did they?"  
"Yep. But I got them back." I point at the annoyed looking boys, and Remus grins.  
"I had a feeling I should come down to breakfast late today. Now I'm glad I did."  
"I'm going to go get ready for Hogsmeade. You coming?"  
"No thanks, I think I'm going to go and laugh at the look on Sirius' face. See you later Lily."  
"Bye!" I wave at him, and skip back to my room, all tiredness forgotten.

After dressing quickly, I go down to the common room to wait, and it doesn't take long for James to stagger in, covered in pumpkin.  
"Uh...hi James!"  
"You ready for Hogsmeade?"  
"Uh-huh." I'm a bit confused; he usually would have gotten me back by now. Or tried to.  
He walks behind the sofa, and I turn to face him.  
"You know one thing that could make Halloween even better, Lily?"  
"No?"  
"Giving you a _big_ hug!"

I jump to my feet and squeal as he bears down on me, and then quickly dodge, snatching up my wand.  
"James Potter! Don't you dare!"  
Sprinting towards the door, I burst out into the corridor, and tap the door with my wand, effectively locking it.  
"Take a shower James!"

Fifteen minutes later, he's ready and we set off down the path to Hogsmeade, hands intertwined, where we bump into Sirius .  
"Sirius!"  
"Alright, mate? Hey Lils."  
"You haven't got a date this time?"  
"Nope, but's there's always next time. Besides, Mar said she's walk down with me."  
He winks at me, and waves as he slows down to walk with the dark-haired girl.

When we reach Hogsmeade, I immediately drag him towards Honeydukes.  
"Come on, come on, come on! We _have_ to go into Honeydukes!"  
"Yes, but I want to go to Zonko's!" He whines, and I stick my tongue out at him.  
"Too bad."

Then everything goes wrong.

There's a bang, and then a yell, and the air is filled with curses and hexes and shouts and I hear someone yell "Death Eaters!"  
Then James yells something, and then I'm knocked backwards, and the air is full of smoke, and I call for James, but he's not there.  
I hear James yell, and then someone else shouts, and there's a high-pitched laugh. I stand up unsteadily, narrowly missing a curse that comes flying at me, and all I can hear are the screams. Coughing, I reach for my wand and _I can't believe it_ because it's not there.

I'm lost in the middle of a battle and the screams are deafening and I can't see anything and _I can't find James._

 **And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a cliffhanger.  
** **Thanks,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	33. Panicking

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Yeah. I don't own it.  
Enjoy xx**

 _Then everything goes wrong._

 _There's a bang, and then a yell, and the air is filled with curses and hexes and shouts and I hear someone yell "Death Eaters!"_  
 _Then James yells something, and then I'm knocked backwards, and the air is full of smoke, and I call for James, but he's not there._  
 _I hear James yell, and then someone else shouts, and there's a high-pitched laugh. I stand up unsteadily, narrowly missing a curse that comes flying at me, and all I can hear are the screams. Coughing, I reach for my wand and I can't believe it because it's not there._

 _I'm lost in the middle of a battle and the screams are deafening and I can't see anything and I can't find James._

"James!" I yell, and I'm looking around desperately, but there's no sign of anyone I know, and I'm unarmed. A figure in black robes shoots something at me, and I duck, still searching for someone, _anyone_ I know. There's a wand on the floor near me, so I snatch it up and try not to think about the fact that the owner of it is nowhere to be found. A spell flies past me, grazing my head, and I shudder at it's closeness before turning and firing spells at every masked figure I can see.

Firing every jinx I can think of, I work my way towards the path leading back to the castle, Stunning a Death Eater who's about to hex a fourth-year. "Hey," I kneel down next to her, my hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"  
"Uh-huh. A bit scared."  
I smile, despite my fear. "I'd be worried if you weren't. So...Marianne, isn't it? So, Marianne, I need you to run back up to the castle. Don't stop until you're inside, and tell whatever Professor you come across first. Keep going, okay? Don't stop, no matter what."  
She nods, and gets up, before turning and sprinting up towards the castle.

The battle's moving, changing course towards the station, and I start running, hoping that I'll bump into someone. As I reach the main street, I run into the owner of Honeydukes, who's gone into a blind panic.  
"What are you doing here, girl? Get back to the castle!"  
I try to placate him, but he keeps yelling at me, so I dodge around him and keep running, until I'm outside Shrieking Shack.

Stopping to catch my breath, I look up to see someone I recognise, a Death Eater poised to attack behind him.  
 _Sirius.  
_ "Sirius! Behind you!" I yell, and he whirls around with a shout, effectively Stunning the Death Eater.

Then something freezing cold hits my back.  
I'm frozen in shock, and there's a furious yell, and then there's a loud thud behind me as the Death Eater falls to the floor.

Sirius limps hurriedly towards me, and he's shouting something, but I can't hear, and he's going in and out of focus and I'm _so cold.  
_ Blood trickles down his leg as he grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly, and suddenly I can hear him.  
"Lily! Where did he hit you? Where? Where!?"  
My teeth are chattering.  
"My...my...back...Sirius...my back..."

Still holding my arm, he lifts my jumper up slightly, and swears. The world gives an alarming tilt, and my back is numb.  
"Hey, Lily, hey, stay with me."  
"I'm so _cold,_ Sirius."  
"I know, I know, but I need to get you to the castle. Can you walk?"  
I nod, but as I take a step, my side erupts in pain, and I grab at it, gasping.  
"Lily! Lily, can you hear me?"  
"James..." I mutter, head swimming, and he frowns at me worriedly.  
"He was right behind me. He got caught up helping the third-years. He'll be fine, Lily."

I breathe a sigh of relief, _he's alright,_ and my body relaxes, crumpling. Sirius catches me, holding me firmly upright, and picks me up, walking quickly with me towards...somewhere. I go to protest, but my body won't obey, and I lie there limp and then there's a buzzing in my ears, and he's talking to me, asking me something and then-

 _"JAMES!" I'm yelling, standing once again in the middle of Hogsmeade, but it's empty. No Death Eaters. No students. Nothing. I'm alone. Then I'm falling, and I'm stuck in the passage again, but this time it's getting smaller, and I'm stuck and I'm screaming and I need help! Suddenly, I can move again, and I'm in a cottage that I don't recognise, standing in front of a cot with a baby that looks painfully similar to James, and then there's a man, but he's not a man, not really, and he laughs, and I'm begging him, pleading him, and then he fires something from his wand and then I'm gone._

Then someone's shaking me, and I'm awake, coughing and choking, and they're turning me over, and I retch, but there's nothing in my stomach. "Lily!" Their voice is urgent, and I turn my head towards the sound, vision still blurred.  
"Lily, dear, you need to stay awake. The potion will be ready in a minute. Stay awake. That's it."

I'm lying in a bed, in somewhere that looks vaguely like the Hospital Wing, and my suspicions are confirmed as my vision clears.  
"Madam Pomfrey?"  
"That's right dear, I need you to tell me where it hurts."  
"My back..." The pain hits me then, so harsh that I start to cry. "Merlin, my back."  
"Alright, here we go, this will help, I promise." She tips my head back, and I swallow the potion. It burns as it goes down, and the intense pain in my back lessens slightly.

I lie back on the bed, shivering, sweaty and cold and dizzy.  
"You'll warm up in a minute, dear, and then I'll see if there are any other injuries."  
She goes to walk away, but I call out to her.  
"Sirius. He brought me here. Is...is he okay?"  
"Yes, Mr Black is fine. I fixed the cut on his leg, and he will now be gathered in the Great Hall with the rest of the students who were in Hogsmeade."  
"James. What about him?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"James. James Potter. Head Boy. What about him? Is he alright?"  
"I believe so. I was told he was in the Headmaster's office. He was very...distressed, when he found out about your condition."  
"What happened to me? What spell was that?"  
She sighs and pulls her wand out to check for other injuries.  
"We're not exactly sure, Miss Evans. You see, what your attacker hit you with was a curse, a homemade one, it seems. I have stopped it from spreading, and we'll have a Healer from St Mungo's come and check it out. Right now, you are in no immediate danger, and I'm sure you will be fine."

Just then, the door to the Hospital Wing opens, and Professor Dumbledore steps into the Hospital Wing, and approaches my bed.  
"Evening, Miss Evans. I hope you are feeling somewhat better than earlier."  
"Yes Professor. Still not great, though."  
He chuckles, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.  
"Well, Poppy, I know you do not usually permit visitors so soon after an incident-"  
"And you would be right! Miss Evans should not exert herself in any way, in case the curse continues to spread."  
"Yes, I agree. However, I feel that Mr Potter will break down the door if he has to wait any longer to see Miss Evans."  
I smile at that.

"Very well." Madam Pomfrey crosses her arms. "But three visitors only."  
Professor Dumbledore turns to me. "One of them will be Mr Potter, I presume?"  
"Yes please. And Alice...and Sirius. I'd like to thank him." I finish and Dumbledore's eyes twinkle.  
"As you wish, Miss Evans. It just so happens that I took the liberty of bringing Mr Potter with me. He is probably listening at the keyhole at this very moment. I shall fetch Miss Prewett and Mr Black presently. Get well soon, Miss Evans."

He bows to me and Madam Pomfrey and then walks over to the door, opens it and steps out of the Hospital Wing.  
My hands are shaking, but it's nothing to do with the curse.  
There's a loud "It's about time!", and then James bursts into the Hospital Wing.

His hair is singed, and so are his clothes, and there are several large bruises up his arms. His glasses have a crack in them, and there's a cut on his forehead, and his eyes are dancing as he scans the wing.  
"James..." I croak, and he comes running over, eyes searching me, talking at about a hundred miles an hour.

"Merlin Lily, are you okay? Ok, that's a stupid question, of course you're not, but I was so worried, and they wouldn't let me see you and Sirius came in and he was crying and he said you were cursed and Dumbledore wouldn't let me in and oh my Merlin, Lily..."  
He summons a chair from the other side of the room and sits down, and takes my hand, squeezing it lightly. He then turns to Madam Pomfrey.

"What happened? Was she really...cursed?"  
"Unfortunately so, Mr Potter. However, I assure you that she is stable, and will be fine."  
Madam Pomfrey then asks me to sit up, so I can take some more potion, and tears fill my eyes as my back protests.  
"Lily? What's wrong?"  
"It's just...my back. It hurts. Merlin, it hurts, James."

After this, James has tears in his eyes, and won't leave my side for the entire night.

 **Reviews are welcome!  
Muchos gracias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	34. Stuck

**_Disclaimer: Weeping Angels, as about to be explained, are featured in the BBC show Dr Who. If you like sci-fi shows, I recommend you check it out! I love it so much!  
Sorry it's a bit late!  
Enjoy xx_**

 _ATTACK ON HOGSMEADE-PARENTS FEAR FOR HOGWARTS' STUDENTS' SAFETY_

 _Smoke still settles on the streets of Hogsmeade in the wake of the attack that took place there two days ago. Thirteen people were injured in the explosions that occurred, three of which were Hogwarts students, in a deliberate attack suspected to be the work of a terrorist group calling themselves "Death Eaters."_

 _Evan Rosier, 27, has been arrested on suspicion of allegiance to the group, and Dominic Mulciber, 19, is on the run after revealing his knowledge of certain attacks while intoxicated in a pub in South London. The Magical Law Enforcement Squad would like to ensure the wizarding population that this appears to be an unplanned event, and therefore unlikely to happen again, so there is no need for alarm._

 _Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, has declined to comment, while certain members of the school board of governors expressed their concern for the wellbeing for the students at the ancient school for magic._

 _"_ _I'm not sure how parents such as myself will feel in the wake of this attack. After all, we send our precious children to school to be safe, and they have witnessed a horrific attack that many people have been affected by." Said Abraxas Malfoy from his Wiltshire manor last night.  
"Dumbledore doesn't seem to have put any extra security measures in place following this tragic event, but I expect it is some kind of clever ruse."_

 _There has been some speculation over whether the school will close, however Professor Filius Flitwick, who is the Charms Professor at the revered school, is adamant that the school shall remain open._

 _"_ _The Headmaster has got the situation completely under control. As long as he is here, the students will have the optimum protection in any attack, should one occur again."  
Upon being asked about the unfortunate student victims of the attack, Filius assured me that the injured are being well-cared for. "Unfortunately, some students were affected by the events in Hogsmeade on Saturday. However, a Head Healer from St Mungo's came to check on one of the victims, and has declared all of the injured stable and out of danger. We are hoping to see them all up on their feet in no time."_

 _Despite this, rumours have arisen due to the accounts by eyewitnesses that suggest one student has been cursed, and will be transferred to St Mungo's if their condition does not improve.  
Could it be that the school's staff are trying to hide the truth from us?  
Can Dumbledore introduce enough safety measures to quell the unrest that this attack has caused?_

 _Investigations are commencing to determine the identities of the attackers._

 _-Ted Page, Daily Prophet reporter_

"Morning Lily."  
I look up from the Daily Prophet, frowning, and smile at Sirius as he enters the Hospital Wing.  
"Hi Sirius."

"How are you feeling?" He sits down in James' abandoned chair. "Where's James?"  
"I made him go have a shower. And I'm alright, thanks for asking."  
"No problem."

I sit up, pulling my hair up into a straggly ponytail.  
"How come you're not in Transfiguration, then? I tried to make James go, but…"  
"He did the puppy-dog eyes, I bet."  
"Maybe. So, Sirius. Transfiguration?"  
"I was there, but James wasn't there, so I was bored, and Remus isn't feeling great, so I said I'd bring you some notes."

He hands me a roll of parchment covered in neatly-written notes, with diagrams and lists, just the way I like them.  
"Thanks Sirius!"  
"It was no problem."  
"I didn't think you wrote notes…"  
"I mean, I usually don't, but I was bored, and I know how stressed you get if you don't have the notes to study for the NEWTs, so…"  
"Thank you. So much. These will really help."

I carefully slide them into the bag next to my hospital bed, and he points at the newspaper in my lap.  
"Anything new about the attack?"  
"Well, they've arrested some bloke called Evan Rosier on suspicion of being in the Death Eaters, and this idiot Mulciber got caught talking about their plans while drunk somewhere in South London."

Sirius sits up.  
"Mulciber? You mean Dominic Mulciber?"  
"Yeah, that's what it said." His face twists into an uncharacteristically ugly look.  
"Git."  
"Do you know him?"  
"He was a good friend of my dear father."  
"Oh Sirius."  
"Don't start feeling sorry for me! I'm not the one who's been cursed!"

I smile slightly, and his expression turns serious.  
"So do they still not know what's going on with you?"  
"Well, you would think so, seeing as the world and its wife have come to see me, but they still don't know what the curse was. They've stopped the spread of the curse, and I'm taking six different pain-killing potions a day, but they don't know how to get rid of it."  
"Does Dumbledore not have any ideas?"  
"He said it was possibly two curses at the same time, but there was only one Death Eater, so I don't really see how that's possible. But there's an even better theory that someone came up with."  
"Really? What is it?"  
"You know the third-year girl who was in here with the broken leg? Marjorie Fellock?"  
"The Hufflepuff? Muggle-born?"  
"Yeah. Well, she thinks that I was touched by a Weeping Angel."  
"A what?"  
"A Weeping Angel."  
"What's a Weeping Angel?"

I tuck my hair behind my ears and look at him, open-mouthed.  
"A Weeping Angel? No? Dr Who? No?"  
"Nope."  
"Oh, of course not, you're pureblood, umm…Dr Who is a television show, and a Weeping Angel is an alien in it."  
"Right."  
"Yeah. It's kind of hard to explain, but a Weeping Angel sends you back in time, and Marjorie said I could have been touched by one, but my magic prevented the time…you know what, you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

Sirius has a confused look on his face.  
"So you were cursed by a… _fictional_ alien?"  
"Apparently."  
"You should tell the Head Healer that. Snobbish prat."  
"Sirius-"  
"He is! He told James to stop worrying because someone who could actually helpful was there. He told your boyfriend to stop worrying! And said that James wasn't helping! I mean, who does that?!"  
"The Head Healer, apparently."  
"I should hex him." Sirius mutters darkly, and I raise my eyebrows.  
"Sirius, you may hate this guy, but he thinks he knows how to make me better. So you will NOT hex him, at least not until I'm up on my feet again. OK?"  
"Fine."

He looks up at me and smiles, and I do too.  
There's a bang, and James bursts through the door, hair a mess, clothes all over the place.  
"Lily! You okay? I did shower, I promise, but then McGonagall wanted to know why I wasn't in Transfiguration and-"  
"It's okay, James. You were away for like, fifteen minutes. Sirius was down here, anyway."  
James looks at Sirius as if he's only just seeing him.  
"Oh, hi mate."  
"Well, hello Prongs. Nice of you to finally notice me."

James grins, summons a chair from the other side of the room, and settles down next to Sirius, who grabs my newspaper and starts to read. I lace my hand with James' and he squeezes it, sending a rush of warmth through me, and I know that everything will be alright in the end.

 **Ciao,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	35. Determined

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Just to clear it up.  
Papilio means butterfly in Latin.  
Reviews are wholly appreciated!  
Enjoy xx**

"James, I'm fine."  
"No, you're not! Madam Pomfrey said that the curse hasn't gone-"  
"Maybe, but I'm stable, and I can walk, and I'm fine, and if I have to stay here a minute longer, I will explode. So I _can_ , and _am_ going down to breakfast in the Great Hall, James."

"Argghhh!" He takes a deep breath and steps back, running his hand through his hair. "Why do you have to be so…so stubborn!?"  
"James," I speak again in a gentler voice, my hand on his arm. "James, it's okay. Really."  
"It's just…why? I don't understand…"  
"I know you don't, but I have to get up. I have to move around and show that it hasn't affected me. Otherwise, they win."

He huffs, and then scans me quickly, taking in my crumpled hospital gown and messy hair.  
"You're going to want to shower first, aren't you?"  
"Maybe…"  
"Ok, I'll wait outside."  
"No, James, you can just go down to breakfast."  
"Sure, I'll leave my cursed girlfriend to have a shower alone after spending a week in the Hospital Wing. Who do you take me for? Snivellus?"

I tense up slightly at the mention of my old friend's name, but James is too busy incessantly questioning Madam Pomfrey to notice.  
"So you're sure that she'll be fine?"  
"Mr Potter, I assure you that Miss Evans is in no immediate danger. Now please stop bothering me, I have other patients to attend to."  
"But-"

The Healer walks off, leaving James frustrated, rolling his eyes.  
"Ok, are you ready to go?"  
"Yep. Ready."  
"Are you still sure that you want to do this?"  
"YES. I am ABSOLUTELY sure. Now, may you grab my bag?"  
My boyfriend picks up my bag and gestures towards the door.  
"After you then, mi 'lady."

I take a deep breath, brace myself for the pain that's sure to come as soon as I stand up, and grit my teeth, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and pushing myself to standing. Instantly I sway, biting my lip as a dull ache spreads through my lower back. James frowns as he supports me, and I nod when I'm ready to go.

I'm fine until I get to the stairs.  
Fiddling around with the hem of my hospital gown, I try to think of the best way to get down without hurting myself, but I can't think of anything, so I'll just have to try to do it the normal way.  
"I can do this. I can do this," I mutter to myself as I take a deep breath, lowering my foot onto the first step. A ripping pain tears through me, so frustrated and in pain, I start to cry.  
"Lily? It's okay…sshhh…do you want to go back upstairs?"  
"No, it's just it hurts. I'm alright," I clench my fists, and James takes my hand, unfolding it. He slings my bag over his shoulder and steps down so that he's in front of me, hands outstretched.  
"Come on. I'll help you,"

I lean forwards and hold his hands tightly, and very carefully he steps backwards, hands looped around my wrists so I'm lifted down to the next stair. Smiling, we get to the bottom of the stairs, and he lets go of one hand, so I can walk again.

Occasionally I find it difficult to get up the stairs and I'm struggling with the portrait hole when James picks me up and carries me across.  
"Just like at the start of the year," I remember out loud, smiling slightly, and James chuckles.

After getting up the stairs, I walk slowly into the bathroom, and undress. Showering slowly and carefully, I dry myself and pull on my school robes, occasionally hissing in pain. Pushing open the door, I peer around the edge of it, shoes in my hands, laces dangling.  
"James?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Would you mind…ummm…?"  
"What do you want me to do, Lils?"  
"Could you do my shoes? It really hurts when I bend over, and-"  
"Of course I'll do your shoes, Lily. Come over here."

Sitting down on the bed, James kneels down to do my shoes, and kisses me on the forehead when he's done. "Are you ready to go downstairs now?"  
"Uh-huh. At least, I think so."  
"Good."

After twenty minutes of me refusing to let him help me, we finally arrive at the Great Hall, and I walk in, breathing deeply. As I approach the Gryffindor table, Alice squeals, Remus smiles, Peter's eyes widen and Professor McGonagall has tears in her eyes. Next to Remus, Sirius winks at me.

Sitting down, I'm immediately bombarded with questions, and James interrupts them.  
"How are you feeling?"  
"What's it like being cursed?"  
"Did Madam Pomfrey really let you out?"  
"OK, let her breathe, guys. Merlin."

I'm patiently trying to explain to Peter what a Weeping Angel is when the post arrives.  
"Ooooh! Mail!" Alice squeals, holding her arm out for her family owl, Errol, to land on it.  
"Are you having something delivered?" Remus looks bewildered.  
"No, but my sister's getting engaged, and I want to know if they've set a date for the wedding yet."  
"Really? It's Molly, isn't it? Who's she engaged to?" I ask her as I pour cereal into my bowl.  
"Arthur. Arthur…something…umm…Arthur…Weasley! That's it. Arthur Weasley."  
"That's sounds nice. Molly Weasley. Isn't she expecting a baby?"  
"Yeah, she's eight months pregnant with a boy. Due on the 13th of December."

My owl, Papilio, comes flying into the Hall, and I look up at it, confused.  
"That's weird. I wasn't expecting mail."  
James' owl flies in close behind mine, and I'm too busy watching James tear open his letter to notice that my owl has landed, so she nips me on the finger.  
"Ouch! Sorry, sorry, thanks Papilio." I hand her the bacon rinds from James' plate, and he hoots affectionately, before flying off, her wings hitting my head as she flies off.

Pulling open the envelope, I pull out the letter, not really concentrating.  
"Oh Merlin."  
"What is it, James?"  
"My dad got sent off on a raid, apparently a Muggle couple were killed in somewhere called Spinner's End."  
"Isn't that near where your parents live, Lily? Lily?"  
Alice is talking, but I can't answer.

I just stare, transfixed, at the letter in front of me.

 _To Miss Lily Evans,  
I regret to inform you that in the early hours of this morning your parents Mr Anthony Evans and Mrs Eileena Evans were found dead in their home. They were murdered with the Killing Curse which, as you know, leaves no trace. We have been led to believe that they were killed by a group calling themselves the Death Eaters.  
I am sorry for your loss.  
Yours sincerely,  
Dolores Umbridge_

I'm just numb.  
At the bottom there's a handwritten note, obviously written in a hurry.

 _Your fault. Freak._

 **A/N: Hello! I hope you guys are not as depressed as I am about Lily's parents dying…  
Anyway, the next chapter will continue after the events of the first chapter, if that makes sense, so you might want to go back and read the first chapter before reading on.  
Au revoir,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	36. Numb

**Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter! Ha! I wish.**

 **A/N: Hello, J! You have an account! Congrats! Don't worry, your question really is not stupid. It took me ages to work that out. Basically, it turns out that you can't upload stories on mobile devices, only on computers, laptops and some versions of IPads. :( If you've already typed up your story on Word, then go onto one of the named devices above and go to Document Manager, where you can click 'Copy and Paste' and...copy and paste your story into there and submit. If you haven't typed it up already, just type the story straight into the 'Copy and Paste' box. Then you just have to go to New Story and follow the instructions.  
Happy Writing!  
On with the story! Enjoy xx**

"Lily, have you eaten anything today? Lily?"  
I shake my head.  
"Lily, you have to eat, come on. You have to take the pain-numbing potion with food."  
I shrug.  
"Lily," James kneels down next to my bed, his voice pleading. "Please, Lily. You have to eat something."

I try to speak firmly, but my voice cracks where I haven't used it often.  
"I'm not hungry."  
"I know, but you have to eat to take your potion."  
"I know."  
"But then you can't have...Lily!"

He watches me rub my back, an angry look on his face.  
"You didn't take your potion! That must...you must in so much pain! Why would you...?"  
Biting my nails, a habit I grew out of in third year, I look down at the floor.  
"Stop it," James' voice is fierce, but concerned.  
"Stop what?"  
"Stop punishing yourself. What happened to your parents was _not your fault_! OK?"

"Mr Potter, kindly refrain from raising your voice. This is a hospital, and people are trying to sleep!"  
"But Madam Pomfrey-"  
"Go to Herbology James." My voice is quiet, and defeated.  
"What? Lily-"  
"Miss Evans is right, Mr Potter. She needs to rest."  
James looks outraged, but turns and storms out of the hospital wing, the door swinging shut behind him.

I can't help it; as soon as he's gone I burst into tears. Madam Pomfrey comes over to me, sitting down on the edge of my bed.  
"There, there, dear. He's just worried about you, and he means well."  
I don't have the strength or the courage to tell her that he's the one who's right.  
"The potion can make you a little emotional..." She peers at the bottle on the table, and then looks at me sternly.

"I'm guessing this is what Mr Potter was reprimanding you about?"  
Ashamed, I nod.  
"Miss Evans, I appreciate the fact that your parents have passed away..."  
She carries on talking, but I stop listening.

They've phrased it in a so many different ways over the past few days.  
 _Gone on.  
Gone to a better place.  
Passed away.  
Gone with the angels.  
Their unfortunate passing._

They've tried to dress it up, made it sound more peaceful, tried to make it easier to bear.  
But it doesn't change the fact that they're gone.  
Dead.  
My parents are dead.  
And it's NOT FAIR!

That's what I yelled when I woke up in the hospital wing yesterday. The bad thing was that no one tried to deny it. No one tried to tell me that it was okay, that it was going to be alright, that _I_ was going to be alright. Although it would have been lie, it would have been nice to hear.  
Someone having hope.  
The hope that I don't have.

"So, Miss Evans, I think that if you don't start eating and taking your potion regularly, I will have to ban visitors. As it stands, no one will visit you from now, until tomorrow evening. I'm sorry, but that's my final word. Now take that potion!"  
"Yes Miss."  
I grab the potion off the side and unwrap a Chocolate Frog, the sickly sweet smell making me feel sick.  
After taking my potion, I fish around in my bag for my book and open it. Trying to distract myself, I attempt to focus on the words, but they swarm on the page like flies, so I close the book, and sigh in relief as the potion takes effect.

It doesn't matter what James says; it was my fault that they died. So I think I deserve the pain, sometimes.  
Still, it doesn't mean that I enjoy it.

The clock on the wall chimes one o'clock, so lunch has started, and sure enough, five minutes later there's a knock on the door, and it opens.  
Madam Pomfrey hurries over to the door, effectively blocking the person there from view.  
But I'm fairly sure that it's James.

"I'm sorry Mr Potter-"  
James.  
"But Miss Evans is not allowed visitors at the present time."  
"What?!"  
"She's not allowed visitors."  
"She was allowed visitors half an hour ago!"  
"Yes, however as you are aware Miss Evans has not been taking her potions when instructed, so I have banned visitors until tomorrow evening."  
"She's grieving! Her parents just died, for Merlin's sake!"  
"Mr Potter, I said no visitors. I'm sorry, but that's my final word. Now please remove yourself from the hospital wing, unless you want me to fetch Professor Dumbledore."  
"I would, actually, because then you can explain why I can't go see my girlfriend!"  
"Mr Potter!"

That's another voice, sharp and stern.  
Professor McGonagall.  
"Mr Potter! Kindly remove yourself from the Hospital Wing immediately or I will put you in detention."  
"But Professor, they won't let me in to see Lily!"  
"No buts!"  
"I know why she's not taking her potion!"  
"And why is that?"  
"I won't tell you until you let me IN!"  
"Mr Potter! Calm yourself at once! Madam Pomfrey is an accomplished Healer, and if she feels that Miss Evans should have no visitors then that is how it shall be. Unless you want Miss Evans to stay in this condition?"  
"No Professor," James mumbles, and my breath hitches in my throat as I hear how upset he sounds.  
"I'm sorry Potter. But rules are rules, and Madam Pomfrey has decided to enforce one."  
"Fine."  
There's a moment of silence and then:  
"Come with me, Potter."  
"Why?"  
"We're going to my office."

Their voices fade, as well as the sound of their footsteps, and Madam Pomfrey re-enters the Hospital Wing, looking disgruntled.  
"Very determined, isn't he?"  
I nod.  
"Very."

 **I like reviews! Any comments, feel free to let me know!  
Buenos tardes,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	37. Angry

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. OK?  
A/N: Hi, J, to see your story go to the edit story part and click 'Preview! Your story should come up.  
I know that the past couple of chapters have been kind of depressing, but they will pick up soon, don't worry. If you are in the mood to giggle, please check out my new one-shot The Plan, in which Sirius inducts James into the Tomato Lookalike Club, and joins the Norwegian School for Pirates. Or at least, tries to.  
**

 **Please follow, favourite and review if you like it! Thank you!  
Enjoy xx**

I think I've given up.  
When the Head Healer comes back on Wednesday, I just sit there. Stand up when he tells me to stand up. Sit down when he tells me to sit down. Let him 'ooh' and 'aah' as he gets all excited because he's never seen _anything_ like this before. James had come in ten minutes earlier, white-faced but determined, settled without speaking and sat there with a frustrated look on his face throughout the entire examination.

So, as James so politely put it, "I don't care if the curse is interesting, or if you haven't seen it before, just get rid of it. As soon as humanely possible." Neither of us are in the best of moods by the time he leaves, still none the wiser as to _what_ or _why._

I clear my throat to try and clear the awkward silence.  
"How are you?"  
"I'm fine. Have you taken your medication?"  
"Yes."

We sit there in more pain-staking silence.  
Madam Pomfrey comes over and explains to James all of the things that he already knows.  
We sit for a bit longer.  
I look at James' hand, about an inch away from mine, and wish that I could just reach over and take it.  
I even act it out in my head.  
I still don't do it.  
James clears his throat.  
I start coughing, and it's painfully loud in the quiet room.  
Madam Pomfrey comes over to check that everything's alright.  
James starts tapping his fingers on the desk.  
I bite my lip.  
A third-year comes in with chronic hiccups.  
James stifles a laugh at the look on the boy's face.  
I fight the urge to smile as James tries not to laugh.  
James laughs.

I start crying silently, tears seeping down my face, and James looks stricken.  
"Lily..."  
Reaching out, he takes my hand, wrapping his big hands around my small ones, and I shuffle around in bed until I'm leaning against his shoulder.  
After that, it's like the argument never happened in the first place.

* * *

James is helping me with Cross-Species Transfiguration Charms, laughing, as they're supposed to come up in our NEWTs, when Professor Dumbledore glides into the Hospital Wing, followed closely by Professor McGonagall. James straightens up immediately, the smile wiped off his face, and I can tell that his meeting with Professor McGonagall didn't go too well.  
"Professor Dumbledore," Madam Pomfrey nods in his general direction, then goes back to tending the sick fourth-year in the corner.  
"Poppy," Dumbledore incline his head to her, and then sweeps over to stand beside my bed.

James squeezes my hand, and then releases it, sitting down at the chair next to my bed.  
"Miss Evans," His blue eyes are twinkling, and he has a gentle smile on his face. "How are you feeling?"  
"I'm fine Professor. Just, you know, cursed."  
James shoots me a warning look, but the Headmaster chuckles.  
"Yes, I can see that. Luckily, Mr Audrey from St Mungo's has assured me that you are 'stable'."  
"That makes me sound like a table."  
I'm surprised by what I'm saying, but I'm angry.  
I'm angry that my parents are dead, and I'm angry that I'm stuck in a hospital bed.  
I'm sick of being obedient.

"Indeed it does. Trust me, Miss Evans, a table should be honoured to be described in the same way as you. Now, I would like to move onto the more pressing matters at hand. I was distressed to hear of your parents' passing, and I am greatly sorry for your loss. However, the matter has come to the house."  
I never even stopped to think about it.  
"Doesn't Petunia want it?"  
I manage to choke out, and James looks at Professor Dumbledore like he'd like to practise the Cross-Changing Transfiguration Charm on him.  
"Unfortunately your sister has moved in with, as I understand, her fiancé, a man named Vernon Dursley. She has also expressed her wishes for you to give each other some 'space', I believe she said."

I'm clutching James' hand so hard that I'm pretty sure he's lost the feeling in it.  
"Do I have to decide _now?"  
_ "The house will placed on the market in five days. It will take three days to clear it, if you decide to sell it, and it will take minimum two days for the paperwork to the Muggle agency, whether you decide to sell or keep the house. I have, unfortunately, very little understanding of these matters, but Minerva has informed me that the mortgage has been paid off, so you do not need to worry about paying out any money for the house. Your belongings have been packed up, just in case, and your sister has packed up the belongings found in the attic. Your sister, being the oldest, assures me that she will sort out all of the paperwork, but the house is ultimately yours. What is your decision?"  
"You want me to decide? Just like that? This is a big decision!"  
"You have until six this evening. I'm sorry Miss Evans, but we are pushed for time."

With that, he and McGonagall exit the Hospital Wing.  
James looks disgusted, and angry.  
"How _dare_ they?"  
"It's a house! It's not like it's a book, or a packet of crisps! It's a house, James! A house! What am I going to do?"  
"Well, do you want the house?"  
"I don't know...I mean, it will be hard to get rid of it, seeing it's where I've lived for my whole life, and I have so many memories there..."  
"So keep it!"  
"But...it's just...they died there."

James falls silent.  
It's the first time I've mentioned my parents since the day it happened, and he's evidently shocked.  
I can still feel it, like a weight on my chest, and it hurts.

"I don't know what to do James."  
He's quiet, and I know that he doesn't know what to do either.

 **Hope you liked it,  
Ciao,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	38. Scared

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

"Are you sure you want to do this?"  
"Positive."  
"It's a big step Lily, they'll get it if you're not ready-"  
"I have to. I'll go back to collect my stuff when I'm cured, and then I'll sell the house."  
"I'm coming. When you do go back, I mean."  
"I don't think I would be able to go back there if you weren't coming too."  
"Good, because I'm coming no matter what."

* * *

"You really want to go through with this?"  
James looks outraged, sitting bolt upright in the chair next to my bed in the hospital wing.  
"James, the Healer said that it's the best option, and I don't know about you, but I'd like to get rid of this curse thing as soon as possible."  
"But it's _experimental!_ "  
"I am aware of this, James."  
" _Experimental!_ Do you know what that means?"  
"Yes," say evenly; I'm trying my best not to lose my temper.  
"It means that they've never done it before! It means that it might not work!"  
"Well, I'd rather have them do something to try and fix it that could work, than stay in the Hospital Wing for eternity!"

"It's just..." James looks defeated, and I reach for his hand, stroking his palm with my thumb.  
"I know James, I know, I know that you don't like the idea, because it's a bit outside the box-"  
"A bit outside the box! I don't think the person who thought it up knows that the box exists! An operation! What even is that?"  
"It's a Muggle procedure-"  
"Ooooh, now they're using _Muggle_ procedures on you-"  
"Don't you go all anti-Muggle on me now James, Remus told me about the time you fell in love with that toaster."  
"Yes but...but...this is completely different! This is a curse! How is this _operation thing_ supposed to help?"  
"They're going to remove it, like surgeons in the Muggle world do _every single day_."  
"What's a surgeon?"  
"A surgeon is like a specialised doctor."  
"Woah! You never mentioned _doctors!"  
_ "What's wrong with doctors?"  
"Doctors..." He shudders. "Muggle nutters. Don't they cut people up?"  
"Some of them do, but-"  
"Wait! Are they going to cut you up?"  
"They're not going to cut me _up,_ they're just going to-"  
"Are they going to cut you up?"

I sigh.  
"James-"  
"They are, aren't they? They're going to cut you up! Oh Merlin! They're going to cut you up! Alice!"  
He yells at Alice, who's just come in, and beckons her over frantically.  
"Alice! Muggle nutters are going to cut Lily up!"  
" _What?"  
_ "MUGGLE NUTTERS ARE GOING TO CUT LILY UP!"  
"Mr Potter, control yourself!"  
"But Madam Pomfrey, Muggle nutters are going to cut Lily up! You seriously can't think that this is a good idea!"  
The older witch shakes her head and looks at me wearily.  
"Miss Evans, what on earth is Mr Potter talking about?"  
"He's talking about the operation I'm having later. He...umm...got a bit... _confused_."  
I look over at James, who's now practically hyperventilating.  
"Mr Potter! Mr Potter, no Muggles or nutters are going to be cutting Miss Evans up. She will be having an _operation,_ which is a Muggle procedure, in order to remove the curse where they have contained it in her lower back. She will be in recovery for 24 hours in St Mungo's and then she will be checked over, and sent back here for another day. If no symptoms arise in that time, she will meet with the Headmaster to discuss her situation, and then she will be discharged and be monitored for a while. If the operation works, and they assure me that it will, then Miss Evans will completely cured."

* * *

I've never liked hospitals.  
They're so _white,_ and _clean_ and _cold._  
So as I'm waiting to be Floo'ed to St Mungo's, I'm scared.  
But I'm nothing compared to James.

He's pacing backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards.  
He keeps pushing his glasses up his nose, so that they cut into his head painfully.  
Madam Pomfrey is fussing, playing with the Floo Powder nervously, and even Professor McGonagall looks stressed.  
Professor Dumbledore is nowhere to be seen.  
The clock in the corner chimes, and Madam Pomfrey comes over, speaking softly.  
"OK, Miss Evans it's time to go."

My stomach aches from nerves, and I've been clenching my fists, so when I release them, there are half-moon shaped dents in my palms from my nails.  
"Mr Potter, it's time to say goodbye."  
I feel sick.  
James stops abruptly and kneels next to my bed, squeezing my hands tightly.  
"Hey."  
"Hey, Lily."  
There's a moment of scary silence.  
"I'm scared, James."  
"I know. I know, Lily. But it's going to be fine, you know that, right? I'll see you soon."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."

He kisses me on the forehead, and I pull him into a hug, ignoring the pain in my back, and I can feel him shaking.  
"Bye."  
"Bye."

They roll the bed into the warm flames, and then I'm whirling, spinning, being thrown all over the place.  
I arrive, bed and all, coughing and spluttering, and a lady in uniform wheels me out, down the corridor, around the corner, chatting to me without pausing, or breathing, it seems.  
She's telling me all about her holiday and how everything's going to be fine and how my hair is a wonderful colour, and how she's heard all about me and that's it's going to be fine, dearie, just fine.

I'm glad that she's there, because right now, I feel alone.

I'm rolled into a room filled with people and trays of equipment, and suddenly I'm overwhelmed, shaking, absolutely terrified.  
I've never had an operation before, and I'm scared.  
Really scared.

The lady asks me questions, and I whisper the answers, trying to breathe calmly.  
Name? Lily Evans.  
Age? Seventeen.  
Injured area? Lower back.  
How am I feeling? Absolutely bleeding terrified.

Then there's a man, and I recognise him, he's the Head Healer, the man from school, and I'm panicking, really panicking now.  
He tells me that it's okay, that's it's going to be fine, and then someone points a wand and me and I'm gone.

 **I love cliffhangers! Hee hee hee!**  
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 **Gracias  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	39. Cured

**Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

Everything hurts.  
Everything.  
I'm not even kidding.  
There's a catch, though.  
OK, I'm sore, but that dull, horrible ache in my back has gone.  
And Merlin am I pleased.

I woke up about an hour ago, groggy and confused.  
The nice Healer lady, who introduced herself as Euphemia, reminds me so much of my mum that it hurts, and is vaguely familiar, though I don't know why. She disappeared about an hour ago, to do who-knows-what, and I've laid in bed since then, wishing that I could see James, or Alice, or Sirius, or Remus, or...anyone, really.

That's why I jump up with a start when the door swings open, and Euphemia comes in, carrying a tray with some vials and a plate on it.  
"Hello, dearie. I've got some potions for you to take, and then some food. It won't be as good as the house-elves' cooking, but then not much is!" She chuckles warmly, and I smile in greeting, genuinely glad to see her.  
 _Euphemia...I've heard that before. Where?  
_ "Thank you. Umm...Euphemia?"  
"Yes, love?"  
"Would it be alright if I wrote a note for my friends? It's just they'll be worrying-"  
"Of course, dearie. Here, I'll get you some parchment."

She fiddles around with a cabinet for a minute, finally wrenches it open, and pulls out a roll, before tearing a piece off, and handing me a quill dipped in ink.  
"That okay?"  
"Yes, thank you."

I ponder what to write for a minute, biting my lip, and then start to write.

 _James,  
I'm cured!  
Stop worrying, I'm fine.  
I should be going back to Hogwarts tomorrow as planned, but they reckon that they can let me go a few hours early, as there is literally nothing wrong with me, apart from a headache.  
_ _I love you lots, and I'll see you soon.  
_ _Hope everyone else is okay,  
Lily x  
_

I draw a quick flower next to my name, the way that I sign all of my letters, and fold it up neatly, handing it to the Healer standing next to me.  
"How old are you, again?"  
"I'm seventeen, I'll be eighteen in January."  
"What house are you in, at Hogwarts?"  
"Gryffindor."  
"Oh, like me! You must know James then. You said your name was Lily, didn't you?"  
"Yep, that's me."  
"Lily Evans?"  
"Uh-huh."

Her face breaks out in a wide smile.  
"It's great to meet you, Lily, but then I've heard a lot about you already."  
"Really?"  
 _She looks at lot like...but...she can't be? What's his mother's name, again?  
_ "Yeah, but of course...it's... I'm James' mother!"

That's why she looked familiar.

"James said that you were unwell, but I never knew, I mean...I thought that maybe, it's just how many girls are there with bright red hair and green eyes in Gryffindor, seventh year, called Lily?"  
"Just the one."

I smile at her again, and she engulfs me in a hug, warm and comforting.  
"James is probably out of his mind with worry right now, Lily."  
"He does tend do that, doesn't he, Mrs Potter?"  
"Oh no, love, call me Dot. Everyone does. That, or mum."  
She winks, and I smile yet again. Her enthusiasm is infectious.

"Would it be okay if I added something to the bottom of my letter?"  
"Of course, love."

 _P.S: Your mother is really nice._

"Done?"  
"Yes thank you."  
"I think I'll deliver this myself, if you don't mind. I'd like to see Minerva, and James needs embarrassing in front of his friends again. It's the only thing that I've found that will deflate his head, apart you dear, of course."  
I blush, fighting the urge to giggle at the idea of James' mum bursting into the boys' dorm.  
"OK, Lily, can you please take this one, this one and this one, the whole thing, and then there's a cup of water there, as the last one doesn't taste great. I expect you're hungry so there's some bread there. If there are any problems, just give me a shout."  
She points at the red cord hanging next to my bed, and I nod as she waves before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm still grimacing at the taste of the absolutely _disgusting_ medicine, and skimming through the Daily Prophet that I found on my bedside table, when James' mother comes back in again, a big smile on her face.  
"I've got a note for you, love, from James."  
"Really? How is he?"  
"He was really worried, I tell you. When Minerva and I went to get him from the common room, he was pacing, the way he does when he's upset about something. He practically wore a hole in the carpet."  
"He was in the Gryffindor common room?"  
"Yes dearie, with Sirius and Remus."

She nods at the confused look on my face, smiling.  
"Yes, Lily, I know Sirius and Remus. I know them very well, Sirius especially. He stays with us during the holidays. Has done since sixth year."  
"Wow...I never knew..."  
I look at the letter in her hand, and try my hardest not to look like I'm begging for it, but she just laughs and hands it over.

 _Lily,  
Thank Merlin you're alright! We were so worried. I think I killed the carpet.  
Sirius wants to know is the Muggle nutters hurt you, and if so, where they live so he can hunt them down and murder them.  
I said, that if the Muggle nutters did hurt you, he'd have to get in line.  
I'm glad you met my mum, she said that you were fine, but I'll believe it when I see you tomorrow.  
Love you lots,  
James x_

He's drawn a little Snitch next to his name.  
I can just imagine him writing the letters, his strong hands writing the letters just for me, and I can't hep but smile.

 **Any suggestions for what you want to see happen? Let me know in a review!  
Thank you!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	40. Relieved

**Disclaimer: My initials are nothing like J.K.R. Sorry guys.  
A/N: To J,  
I know, right? It's SOOOO sad! I don't know if this story will go on to what happens after they graduate, simply because I don't think that I can write Lily and James dying! *sobs*  
Enjoy xx**

"Miss Evans! How are you feeling?"  
I'm perched on a bed in the Hospital Wing, still a bit dizzy from Flooing back to Hogwarts, when Madam Pomfrey comes hurrying over, a smile on her face.  
"I'm feeling great, thank you. Just a bit sore."  
"I bet you are. I heard the good news though! No more curse!"  
"No more curse!"  
I can't help but smile.

"Have they checked you over?"  
"Yes."  
"Excellent. I'm guessing you'll want to see your friends."  
"Yes please!"  
I'm having trouble containing my excitement at the idea, and she chuckles warmly.  
"They'll be in lessons now, I think," She pulls out a watch out of her pocket and studies it. "Ahhh, yes, five minutes left."  
"When will they be able to come and see me?"  
"I'll send a message to Minerva to let her know that you're here, and I'm sure Mr Potter, as well as Mr Black and Miss Prewett will want to see you. I may not like visitors, but you have been through an ordeal."  
"Thank you."

Madam Pomfrey waves her wand, muttering the incantation under her breath and her silvery Patronus shoots out of the end of her wand, too fast for me to see what animal it is. I'm just pulling my hair up into a bun and climbing into bed when a Patronus in the form of a cat comes slinking into the Hospital Wing, and speaks in Professor McGonagall's familiar voice.

"Good morning Poppy, I'm afraid the class overheard your message. You're going to have quite a few visitors. I hope you are well, Miss Evans, and I'll be coming in to visit you later, along with the Headmaster. Good Day."

The Patronus vanishes, and I throw off my duvet, standing up, grinning as there's none of the old pain in my back.  
I'm hopping from foot to foot, fidgeting, quivering in anticipation, and Madam Pomfrey rolls her eyes at my excitement.  
"Have patience! They'll be here in a minute."

Sure enough, I can hear hurried footsteps along the corridor, and the door opens.  
James is at the front, an anxious look on his face, and Alice is there, on her tiptoes to see over Sirius' shoulder, and they're both smiling. I can't help it, and I don't try to stop myself; I squeal and run forward, flinging my arms around James. He's warm and comforting and smells familiar, and all I can think is _James James James._

Then Alice shrieks, and I break away from James, only to be smothered by Alice, who's squealing and smiling and laughing.  
She lets go of me, and I grin at her, before pulling Sirius into a hug. He's grinning too, and James' eyes are wide.  
"Lily! How are you? Are you okay?"  
"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt anymore."  
"Thank Merlin," James looks relieved, and Sirius winks at me.  
"I heard you met James' mum. Nice, isn't she?"  
"She's great. Reminds me a lot of..."

My voice fades as I think about what I nearly said, and Sirius looks stricken as he hastily changes the subject.  
"So, did the Muggle nutters hurt you? I asked James to ask you if they did but you never got back to me."  
I laugh.  
"No. There were no Muggle nutters involved."  
"Good."

I lead them over to my bed, and curl up under the duvet; James and Sirius summon chairs, and Alice perches on the end of my bed.  
"So what's been going on here? Any _juicy_ gossip?"  
Sirius pretends to consider.  
"No, I haven't done anything good since you've been gone."  
"Really? I am disappointed in you lot. Where's your drama gone?"  
There's a minute of silence as they think deeply, and then Alice pipes up with something _very_ interesting.  
"Unless you count Remus asking a Ravenclaw out, then no."  
"Really? He asked someone out? Who?"

I settle down for some gossip, and out of the corner of my eye I can see Sirius and James, talking about something seriously.  
"And then she said she would be honoured, and Remus went bright red, like a tomato, and-"  
The bell rings for lunchtime, and Alice looks at me guiltily.  
"Would it be okay if I met Frank, Lils? It's just, he's got my bag, and-"  
I shake my head firmly. "It's absolutely fine, Alice. Go on, don't keep Frank waiting."

We hug, and she leaves the Hospital Wing, blowing me a kiss as she goes.  
"Uhrm...Madam Pomfrey?"  
"Yes, dear?"  
"Could I go down to the Great Hall for lunch?"  
"Well...it might not be the best idea..."  
"Please? I have to get used to walking around, anyway, the Healer said."  
That sways it; I see her relax as I mention the Healer's 'advice'.  
"Oh alright then. But I want you back five minutes before lessons begin to speak to Professor Dumbledore. No exceptions."  
"Yes, Miss." I nod at her, and she flicks her wand, turning my hospital gown into robes.

James and Sirius stand up and James wanders over to the locker to get my bag, while Sirius leans against my bed. I swing my legs over the side of my bed and push myself up; the sudden movement gives me a head rush, and I sway, suddenly unsteady on my feet. An arm slides around my waist, steadying me, and I smile gratefully up at Sirius.  
"Thank you."  
He winks at me.  
"Any time, Lils."

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	41. Excited

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** ** _do_** **like writing about it.  
A/N: Thank you Izzie457, I'm glad that you liked it! I'm sorry that I made you sad, but this story will end happily, I promise!  
A/N: Hi Azzurrolunali, it's great that you are enjoying this. I'm a huge Jily fan too!  
Enjoy xx  
**

 _Dear Petunia,  
How are you?  
I heard that you moved in that Dursley bloke, and I would like to congratulate you on your engagement. Congratulations!  
I'll be selling the house, if that's okay with you, as there's no point of me living there alone.  
_

 _You don't know this, but on Halloween there was an attack on a village near my school and we were on a trip. The Death Eaters, the same people who killed Mum and Dad, were behind it. I was trying to help Sirius and I was cursed in the back, Tuney, and I had an operation to save my life. You probably wouldn't want to visit even if you could, but I wanted to let you know that I'm okay._

 _James, my boyfriend, keeps saying that it wasn't my fault that mum and dad died, and you know what? I'm starting to believe him.  
I'm not sorry for who I am, Tuney, and you can't expect me to be.  
That's why I would like to extend an invitation to you and Vernon to go out for dinner on the 23rd of December. We may not always see eye to eye, but you are marrying this man, Tuney, and I want to meet up with him again. Give your answer to my owl, she won't hurt you, and she'll bring it to me.  
I hope you feeling a bit better, and I love you._

 _Love from,  
Lily x_

* * *

I spent the end of October and the whole of November in the Hospital Wing, so I'm curled up in the common room with my homework on the last day of November, listening to James thump around upstairs as he tries to pack to leave tomorrow evening after the feast.  
"Lily!"  
He shouts for me from upstairs, and I sigh, putting down my book and walking to the bottom of the stairs, grinning at his dishevelled appearance."Yes?"  
"Nothing will _fit_! How did my mum get this all in here at the start of the year?"  
"Having trouble packing, are we?"  
"Have you finished packing _already_?"  
"No, I'm staying here, remember?"  
"Huh."

He runs his hand through his hair and jogs down the stairs, clutching a telescope in one hand, and his wand in the other.  
"Do you _want_ to stay here?"  
"Well it's not like I've got much choice, is it?"  
James' eyes widen, and his hazel eyes glint.  
"Hold that thought."  
Skipping the last couple of steps, he leaps down of the stairs, and grabs a spare bit of parchment and my quill.  
"Uh, James? What are you doing?"  
"I'll tell you in a minute. Go pack!"  
"What? But, James, I-"  
"I know, just go pack! Shoo!"

Rolling my eyes and smiling, I blow him a kiss and run up the stairs.  
My room is a mess.  
Yes, I suppose that it's only to be expected, seeing as I spent weeks in the Hospital Wing and never got a chance to tidy up, but it's still annoying. I'm going to have to tidy up _and_ pack. My trunk is heavy, so it's hard to drag it out, and it's only five minutes later that I remember that I am a witch, and therefore can make it feather-light. Running back down the stairs, I'm surprised to see my owl, Papilio, perched on the coffee table next to James.

"Oh, Lily, you've got a letter!"  
"Cool, I was waiting for that."  
"Who did you owl?"  
"Tuney. I mean, Petunia."  
"Petunia? You owled _Petunia?_ The girl who called you a freak? The girl who blamed you for your parents' death? That Petunia?"  
"Yes, _that_ Petunia. My sister. I asked for me to meet up with her and her fiancé on the 23rd."  
"And you're going alone?"  
"Well...I was kind of hoping...that...well..."  
"I'll come with you, if that's what you're getting at. Anyway, can I borrow your owl?"  
"Sure."

Papilio sticks her leg out for James to attach the letter, and he strokes her head before opening the window so that she can fly out.  
My letter is sitting on the table, an I pick it up, sliding the letter out of the thick envelope.

 _Lily,  
Vernon and I will meet you at the Bella Comida at seven on the 23rd. Bring your boyfriend if you want.  
The address is: The Bella Comida  
14 Dovedale Road  
Little Bookham, Surrey  
KT2 3ST  
_ _Please see attached, and I'll see you then also to discuss the wedding.  
Hoping you are well,  
Petunia Evans_

A thicker piece of card falls out, and I pick it up, smiling at the invitation.  
"She's invited me to her wedding."

* * *

I'm halfway through folding up my clothes and laying them in my trunk when James comes running up the stairs and bursts into my bedroom, a triumphant grin on his face.  
"Ha ha! Lily! Guess what?!"  
"You're going on holiday to Croatia!"  
"What? No, I'm-"  
"You're going to buy a new broom!"  
"No, my broom is amazing, I'm-"  
"Going to buy me a Christmas present?"  
I'm struggling to contain my laughter at the confused look on his face.

"Yes, I am, but that's not...Anyway, I owled my mum, and she said, if you want, you can come to mine for Christmas!"  
"Really?!"  
I'm beyond shocked.  
"Sure. Sirius stays at mine in the holidays anyway, and my mum said that she would love to have you. She likes you, I think."  
"Well, I like your mum. Thank you James."  
"It was no problem. I'd love for you to come."  
"I'd love to come."

He pulls me into a kiss that makes weak at the knees, and it takes a great deal of self-restraint for me to pull away.  
James, however, is having none of it.  
"Lily..." He whines, leaning in to kiss me again, and I blink to try and clear my light-headedness.  
"James, I have to pack..."  
"OK. One second. Sit there."

He points at my floor, and I raise my eyebrows, unable to stop the smile that's spreading across my face, and promptly sit down.  
James moves his wand in a sweeping motion, and all of my stuff flies into my trunk, shoes at the bottom, books and school supplies on top of my clothes.  
"Now, wear this tomorrow." He points at a blouse and skirt that are still on the bed, and I smile at him.  
"Yes sir."

"Now, snogging."  
I laugh at the eagerness in his voice, and smile, leaning up so that his lips touch mine.

 **Hello readers! Thank you for reading!  
I need your help! Does anyone have any suggestions for Christmas presents? They can be for anyone in their friendship group, and I'll give a shout-out to say that it was your idea.  
Thank you!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**

 **(Oh, and please follow, favourite and review!)**


	42. Thankful

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** ** _do_** **like writing about it!  
A/N: Thank you to Azzurrolunali and TheTaleOfTheSpinster for your Christmas present ideas, and they will definitely be coming up in the next few chapters. If anyone else has any other suggestions, feel free to let me know!  
Enjoy xx**

The train screeches to a halt in King's Cross, and there's a flurry of movement as everyone tries to get off the train at once.  
"James! Wait a minute, not everyone can just pick up their trunks."  
I call after James, but he's already lost in the crowd.  
Struggling to drag my trunk along the platform, and Sirius picks it up, loading it onto the trolley with a smile.  
"Thanks Sirius."  
"Anytime. Oh, and Lily?"  
"Yeah?"  
"James' house...it's a bit...big. Like my house was big, this house is _huge_."  
"Right. Thanks for the heads-up."

James comes running back over to us, and grabs my trolley off me, swinging it around to face the opposite direction.  
"My mum's over here!" I walk quickly after him, clutching Papilio's cage and Sirius brings up the rear, pushing his trolley.  
"Sirius! And Lily! Hello, my dears!" James' mum pulls Sirius into a hug and he squirms like he's embarrassed, but I know that inside he's loving it.  
"Hello Mrs Potter. Thank you for having me." I grin at her, and she engulfs me in a hug, chuckling.  
"Oh, aren't you sweet? It's absolutely fine, Lily, dear. I'm sure you'll be a pleasure, and someone has to keep these boys in line!"  
She winks at me, and I giggle at the indignant look on James and Sirius' faces.

* * *

Twenty minutes later I'm standing, awe-struck, in front of one of the biggest houses I've ever seen.  
It's not just _big_. It's _huge_.  
"Shall we go in, then?"  
Mrs Potter gestures towards the massive house, and Sirius leans down to whisper in my ear.  
"Told you."

James grabs my hand, swinging it backwards and forwards, and I smile up at him as we walk up the drive to the front door.  
"Ladies first!" James opens the door, and I step in, moving over so that the rest of them can come in. I'm still looking around, peering up the stairs, when a loud _crack_ issues from next to me and I jump backwards, startled, as an elderly house-elf appears.

"Effie didn't mean to scare you, miss. Effie is very sorry."  
"It's okay Effie," I bend down slightly to talk to her. "My name is Lily, and I'm staying here for Christmas."  
"Are you Lily, miss? Lily Evans?"  
"Yes, that's me."  
"Ah, Effie has heard a lot about you, Miss. Master James must be pleased!"  
"OK, thank you, Effie! Would you mind taking these trunks upstairs? Give Lily the first guest bedroom."  
"The one next to yours, Master James?" The house-elf adds slyly, and I fight the urge to giggle at her antics.  
"Yes please, Effie."

"Alright James, do you want to show Lily to her room, and I'm sure Sirius knows where he sleeps by now. I'll be in the kitchen."  
"OK, Mum."  
I follow James up the stairs, turn to the right, then the left, then climb another flight of stairs.  
"Here you go." James gestures the first room on the right, and I step in, tucking my hair behind my eyes.  
"It's lovely!" I gasp, and James walks in and sits on the bed.  
"I thought you'd like it."  
The walls are painted a deep, rich red, and the bed is a four-poster like my one at Hogwarts. My trunk sits on the bed, empty, and the drawers are slightly open, my clothes neatly packed into them. I take my wand out of my pocket and put it on my bedside table, where a few books sit.

"Can I see your room?" I ask James, and he flushes slightly.  
"Umm...sure."  
We exit my room and enter the next one.  
The walls are red, like mine, but slightly lighter, and the front wall are covered in Quidditch posters, magazine cut-outs and photographs. I walk over to the wall, running my finger gently over the pictures, smiling as I see a photograph of Remus, Sirius, Peter and James in the middle of a vigorous snowball fight. There's another one, in the common room, and I'm in the background, but the picture James keeps stealing glances at me, and picture me keeps blushing.  
"I love that picture." James comments, pointing at the picture I was looking at.  
"When was it taken?"  
"Fifth-year. Just before, you know...the Snape thing."  
"Right." I nod awkwardly.  
"Do you think, if that hadn't have happened..."  
"We would have got together? Maybe. But I feel like now, we're more ready for it. In fifth-year, we probably would have broken up in a week."  
"True." James sighs. "It's weird, Sirius told me that I liked you at the beginning of fourth year, and I thought he'd gone crackers."  
"He is crackers, but he also helped me, you know, after we...broke up that one time."  
"Wow. He really has helped us get together."  
"Hold that thought. Where is Sirius' room?"  
"Just next to mine, why?"  
"You'll see in a second."

I exit James' room and walk into Sirius', where he's flicking through his school bag.  
"Oh, hey, Lily, James."  
"Hello." I walk over and hug him.  
"Okay...thanks, Lily, what was that for?"  
"For secretly rooting for us to get together since fourth year."  
"You are _very_ welcome."

Just then, Effie appears in Sirius' room with a _crack_.  
"Master Sirius, oh and Master James, and Miss Lily, Mistress Potter would like you to know that dinner is ready downstairs."  
"Thank you Effie!" James says, and Sirius grins excitedly.

I go to walk out, but James picks me up, flings me over his shoulder and runs out of the room, me shrieking with laughter the whole way.

 **Don't forget to review!  
Thank you!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	43. Nervous

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I** _ **do**_ **like writing about it!  
A/N: Azzurrolunali, this story will be canon, I think...? Do you want it to be canon, or AU?  
Enjoy xx**

I stagger out of the dining room, absolutely stuffed.  
"That was amazing, Mrs Potter. Thank you!"  
"Oh no, dear, it was a pleasure. I love to cook!"  
"Well you're very good at it. I don't think I've eaten something that good in ages!"  
"Thank you, dear. Now, I suggest you go to bed. I'm sure James and Sirius will want to go out tomorrow."  
"Yes, Mum," I grin at her, then realise my mistake. "Oh, sorry, I didn't-"  
"It's fine, dear." She's smiling at me, and I wave at her.  
"Goodnight."  
"Sleep well, dear."  
"Night Mum!" James calls, and Sirius smirks.  
"Yeah, goodnight Mrs P!"

* * *

I settled into life at James' house quickly, and the days were a blur of visits to Diagon Alley for sweets and games of Quidditch.  
Three weeks later, I'm pacing nervously up and down, trying to decide whether to owl Petunia and call the dinner off. I know that it's not very _Gryffindor_ of me, but I'm nervous; I haven't seen my sister for months, and we've only communicated through brief letters.

According to Petunia, the bloke Vernon knows that I'm a witch, but, in her words, I should still 'speak about anything but your freakishness, and make sure that my date behaves'.  
 _Please.  
_ I won't be able to control James, but I'm just hoping that he _will_ behave himself, even if that means not talking for the entirety of the evening.

"Lily?"  
"Yeah?"  
James peers around the door, wand in hand.  
"Sirius and I were going to go down to the village, do you want to come?"  
"No, I'm fine."  
He comes in and sits down on my bed.  
"What's up?"  
"Nothing."  
"Come on, Lils. What's wrong?"  
"Well, you know we're going to see Petunia and her fiancée tonight?"  
"Yeah?"  
"I'm a bit...nervous about it."  
"OK. He fidgets slightly on the bed. "So what are you worried about?"  
"That I'm not going to like her fiancée. That he's not going to like me. That you're going to say something that offends them."  
"Ok, ok, you can cross the last one of the list. I will try my very best to stay civil with them. Doesn't mean that I like them."  
"James, they haven't done anything to you-"  
"Yes, but she called you a freak and called you for your parents' deaths! Forgive me if I'm not _dying_ to meet her."  
"You don't have to come."  
"No, but I am."

"Thanks James."  
"Anytime." He kisses me on the forehead and stands up. "What time are we meeting up with them?"  
"Tuney said seven, so that means half six. She's always ridiculously early, for everything."  
"So we have to come back here at...six?"  
"No, five." I correct him, pulling my hair up. "I have to get ready."  
"Right. So, are you coming?"  
"Of course!" I grin at him excitedly, worries disappearing, and grab my jacket.

Three hours later, I'm standing in front of a mirror, scowling and wishing that my hair was any colour but red.  
"It had to be red..." I mutter, flicking through my wardrobe. "Not brown, or black, or blonde. My hair had to be the one colour that clashes with _everything_..." Pulling out a smart black dress I brought in case there was a dance, I shrug it on over my head and shrug at my reflection.  
It's smart, plain, doesn't clash with my hair, and isn't remotely different. In short, it's boring, but it's Muggle, and that hopefully will get me brownie points with Petunia.

I brush through my hair and decide to leave it down, streaming down my back like a waterfall. After hastily applying some mascara and blush, I grab my black flats, my jacket and my handbag, stuffing my wand inside of it.  
"James!" I knock on his door and push it open hesitantly.  
"Oh, thank Merlin. Lily! What in the name of Godric am I supposed to wear?"  
"A shirt and trousers. No dress robes."  
"Is this okay?"  
He steps out from the bathroom in a smart pair of black trousers, a white shirt and a red tie, and I smile at him.  
"That's perfect. You look great!"  
"So do you. Look great, I mean."  
"Thank you."  
I shuffle nervously, and James flushes slightly, both of us embarrassed. Luckily, we're saved by Sirius bursting in.

"Wow! Evans, you clean up nice..."  
James clears his throat, and I raise my eyebrows at Sirius.  
"I'm not even going to bother with correcting your grammar there."  
"Have fun then, you two. Don't do anything that I wouldn't, and if you do, do it twice and take pictures."  
"Right." James smirks at Sirius, and we walk downstairs.

We say a quick goodbye to James' mum, and walk into the living room.  
"Are we going to Floo?" I ask, and James nods.  
"Seeing as we can't Apparate yet, I asked one of Mum's friends if we could use her fireplace, as she lives right next to the restaurant."  
"Great."

After a quick whirl through the fireplaces, we land in a house, and James speaks to the lady there. She lets out with a wave and makes us promise to be back by ten. We walk down the road and into the swanky-looking restaurant, and seated at the table next to the window is Petunia and a man who looks to be roughly the size of a small whale.

 **I can't wait to write the next chapter! I can't imagine James and Vernon getting along, can you?  
Don't forget to review!  
Obrigada,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	44. Tense

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Sorry about that.  
A/N: Hi, Megan, I usually update on the weekends but as I am free at the moment I have been updating a lot more, hence the double update in one day! Lucky you! I love Lily and James, and I love writing about them because we don't know very much about them, so I can be creative. James and Vernon will meet in this chapter and trust me, it doesn't go well!  
Enjoy xx**

My previous experiences with Vernon Dursley have not been the best.  
The first time I met him, at Petunia's birthday party in the summer holidays, he asked me why my hair was red.  
I promptly replied, "Genetics."  
He went on to ignore me for the rest of the evening.  
The second time I met Vernon Dursley, he brought his single friend, who had even less neck than Vernon, but a not quite as impressive moustache. He asked my father whether I could date him, to which my father replied, "Ask her yourself."  
Needless to say, we never dated.

So I am not feeling particularly enthusiastic about our third meeting.  
James and I approach the table, and Petunia stands up, hurrying round to kiss my cheek and shake James' hand. At least she's trying.  
Vernon, however, just sits there, and I'm starting to worry that he might be stuck in his chair when he hefts himself up to standing and leans across the table to shake James' hand, completely ignoring me.  
"I'm James," My boyfriend says charmingly. "James Potter. And you must be Vernon."  
"That's right." Vernon grunts, and continues to complete ignore my presence.  
"Of course, you know, Lily, and you must be Petunia." He nods respectfully at my sister and pulls out my chair.  
Thank Merlin for pureblood etiquette lessons.

"So, Petunia, how have you been?" I start off formally and she nods stiffly.  
"Very well, thank you. And yourself?"  
"As well as can be expected."  
Vernon merely looks me up and down scornfully, and I feel James bristle.  
"So you're Petunia's sister? The abnormal one?"  
" _Yes_ , and we met at the party last year."  
He doesn't acknowledge what I've said, just sits there, and Petunia jumps in, in a desperate attempt to save the conversation.

"So, Vernon, why don't you tell them about your job?"  
"Ah yes, excellent idea Petunia."  
The way he says Petunia is wrong; he elongates it until it doesn't sound like _her_ name anymore.  
"I am the assistant financing officer at Grunnings."  
"And what do you sell...at Grunnings?" I ask tentatively.  
"Drills."  
James snorts, and I kick him under the table, but it's too late.  
"Find that funny, do you, _boy_?"  
"Not in the slightest, _man_."  
Despite how tense I'm getting, I have to fight the urge to giggle at that one.

A scarily neat-looking waiter comes over and asks what we'd like to drink. Petunia orders sparkling water, Vernon rattles off a long complicated name of something that is presumably alcohol, and they both look at us expectantly. James picks up the drinks menu and scans it, eyes widening as he realises that there is nothing he recognizes. "I'll have water," I say desperately. "James will too."  
"Thank you."  
The waiter leaves with our orders, and Vernon grunts, turning to Petunia.  
"Boy doesn't even order beer. What kind of nutters are these people?"

"Nutters with ears." I say coldly, and James grabs my hand under the table, squeezing it reassuringly.  
"So what vehicle do you use, boy?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"What model is it?"  
"Uhh...it's a Silver Arrow 230, one of the best in the business."  
I have the urge to hit my head against the fashionably-decorated wall next to me.  
"I've never heard of them." Vernon declares, as though the fact that he has never heard of it makes it non-existent.  
"Well, what model do _you_ use?"  
"I'm on a Jaguar at the moment."  
James tries to stifle his laughter, and I just _know_ that he's imagining Vernon riding on a jaguar.  
"Do you think that's funny, boy?"  
"No..."  
"Do you have a job yet?"  
"No, but-"  
"But then, I suppose that people like _you_ and your girlfriend here must have to be on unemployment benefits."

"Oh no. You see, in Gringotts, but then, a _respectable_ man like you wouldn't have heard of Gringotts, it's the bank where us magical folk keep our money, my parents have saved a fortune, in solid gold, so we won't have to rely on the government's charity, as kind as it is. I have enough money to live comfortably, but then I suppose you must do too, you know, with your work with _drills_."  
I kick James under the table again, and he winces apologetically.  
Vernon seems to swell with anger, so he now, combined with his ridiculous blonde moustache, resembles an angry walrus. I look over at Petunia, who's fighting back tears, and I feel a pang of pity for her. Once again, I try to fix the situation.

"The waiter is coming, look, with the drinks."  
Vernon turns to look at the waiter, and I mouth 'I'm sorry' to Petunia, but I don't think she understands me, because she just shakes her head, lips pressed tightly together.  
"So, when is the wedding planned for?" I ask, biting my lip.  
"The 24th of May."  
"Lovely." I comment, fiddling with my napkin nervously.  
"Oh, Lulu, about that," Vernon starts.  
"It's Lily." James interrupts, but Vernon keeps going.  
"Petunia and I have decided that you won't be a bridesmaid at the wedding."  
That stings.  
"Why not?"  
"Well, Lulu, Petunia and I-"  
"You and Petunia? Shouldn't it be _Tuney's_ decision?"  
"We don't approve of nicknames."  
"You don't sound like you approve of much." James mutters, and Vernon swells again, piggy eyes rolling.  
"Are you mocking me, boy?"  
"Maybe." James mumbles, and Vernon stands up with great difficulty.  
"Petunia dear, I don't think we should be in the company of this _riff-raff_ any longer."

With that, he slams his napkin down on the table like it's a declaration of war and storms out of the restaurant, Petunia close behind him.  
I look at the waiter, who's standing, shocked, next to the table. I look at James, who's looking at me anxiously. I look at the door, which is still swinging from when Vernon slammed it shut behind him. I fish a £20 note out of my bag, lay it on the table carefully and stand up, tucking my bag under my arm.

I'm only two steps out of the restaurant when I burst into tears.  
James pulls me into a hug.  
"Hey, Lily, it's okay..."  
"But, it's not... She's...she's my _sister_ , and now she hates me, and you having your argument with Vernon didn't exactly _help_..."  
"I'm sorry, Lily, I really am. It's just when he was insulting you...I wanted to punch him in his very large face."  
"Me too." I giggle weakly, and he bends down to look me in the eyes.  
"I'll promise you, I'll make things up to the whale, I mean, Vernon. At the earliest opportunity."  
"Good." I nod at him, wiping my eyes, not caring that I've probably smudged my make-up.  
"There's a café round the corner, if you want something to eat...?"  
"That would be nice." I agree, and we link arms, walking down to the cosy-looking café.

 **Hee hee hee. Vernon riding on a jaguar.  
I hope the way I wrote that was okay!  
Let me know what you thought, or if you have any questions, in a review.**

 **Asante,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	45. Ecstatic

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling. Lucky lady.  
A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, followed, or even read this story, including the guests! It means so much to me that you are enjoying my story, and I hope that you continue to enjoy it! The Chrstmas present ideas from Azzurolunali, TheTaleOfTheScribbler and Megan will be used in this chapter, some have been slightly modified, but thank you for your suggestions!  
Basically, thanks a million to all of you!  
Enjoy xx**

"But I _can't_!"  
"James-"  
"It's Christmas Eve! How am I supposed to _sleep_?"  
"Uh, by laying down and relaxing?"  
"You know what I mean!"  
"Prongs, with all due respect, shut up and go to bed."  
"But Sirius-"  
"James Potter! Be quiet and let Lily and Sirius go to sleep!"  
"But Mum, it's Christmas Eve!"  
"Yes, and it's also twelve o'clock at night. Go to bed!"

* * *

I'm woken up before the sun the next day by James jumping on my bed.  
"James...what?"  
"Get up, Lily! It's Christmas!"  
I jump up in bed, hair falling into my face, and chuck the duvet off me.  
"Merry Christmas!"  
We kiss quickly, and I can feel James' excitement, mirroring my own.

I love Christmas. Always have. In third year, I stayed at Hogwarts at Christmas for the first time, and Alice said that with my red hair and green eyes, I look like Christmas, or what it would look like if Christmas was a person. That made us all laugh, and we got up at six to open our presents.  
James gets me up at five.

"Is Sirius awake yet?" I ask frantically, pulling my jumper over my head, and James shakes his head, bouncing on the balls of his feet.  
"Not yet. Come on, we have to wake him up!"  
We race like little children into Sirius' room, and James yanks open the curtains as I shake Sirius.  
"Sirius! Get up! It's Christmas!"  
"Go away..." He mumbles, burrowing further down into the covers, and I lean down to sing in his ear.  
"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas,"  
"And a happy New Year!" James calls loudly, and Sirius groans, turning over and pulling his pillow over his head.  
"You had to get together, didn't you, to two people who are obsessed with Christmas..."  
"Come on, Sirius, come on. Or I'll ask Effie to not give you breakfast!" I add threateningly, and he sits bolt upright, knocking me to the floor.

A loud _crack_ echoes in the room, and Effie appears, a wide smile on her small face.  
"Master James and Miss Lily! Merry Christmas!"  
"Merry Christmas Effie!" James and I chorus, and she gestures to downstairs, ears flapping.  
"Does Master James wish Effie to get you some breakfast?"  
"Yes please!"  
We run down the stairs, bursting into the kitchen, me giggling like mad. There are some letters on the table, two addressed to me, and I tear the first one open hurriedly.

 _Dear Lily,  
Merry Christmas! I bet James will have you up at five, so good morning, too!  
I sent your present to James' place, and he said that he'd make sure you got it. Enjoy Effie's cooking!  
Love,  
Remus_

I smile and yank open the next one. It's short, and to the point.  
 _Lily,  
Vernon doesn't want you to come to the wedding, but I insisted. I'll see you on May 22rd.  
Merry Christmas,  
Petunia.  
_I look down at the letter, a lump in my throat suddenly making it difficult to swallow, and shake my head.  
There's no need to feel sad. At least I'm _going_ to the wedding.

Five minutes later, I'm eating toast at the speed of light, desperate to get into the living room and open some presents.  
Yes, I am like a little kid when it comes to Christmas.  
James is just as bad!  
"Are you nearly done?" My boyfriend urges his mum, who's buttering her toast agonisingly slowly, and Sirius, who's working his way through enough food to feed a small army.  
"Yes, James, I'm nearly done. You need to be patient!" Mrs Potter is chuckling at him, and I grab his hand under the table, rubbing his knuckles. He shudders at our contact, and I edge my chair closer to him so I can lean against him. A few minutes later, Mrs Potter is finished too, and we're all looking expectantly at Sirius, as he finishes his last mouthfuls.  
"I'm done!"

James cheers triumphantly, and we run into the living room, over to the tree that we so lovingly decorated, and I sit myself down in James' lap.  
"Me first!" Sirius crows, and I glare at him impatiently, as he pulls the first gift towards him and tears it open. He gets a magical razor from Mrs Potter, the designer leather jacket he's been eyeing up for months from Peter and Remus, a dog bowl and a dog tag with his name engraved on it from me, a box of sweets from Marlene, a smart little wallet from Alice and Frank and, most curiously, a set of keys from James.  
"Keys? Uh, thanks mate, but keys? What are they for?"  
"Well, that one," James tips me off his lap and points to one of the keys. "is for the front door."  
"The front door? You mean, to...to _here_?" Sirius has rare tears in his eyes, and when he speaks, he sounds choked.  
"Yep, and you'll have to wait to find out what that one's for." James points to the other key, a mischievous look in his eyes, and pulls me back into his lap again.  
"Me now!" James cries, and I roll my eyes good-naturedly.

I hand James his first present, and he nearly impales me with his elbow in his effort to open the present as quickly as possible.  
He gets a new set of Quidditch robes and dress robes from his mum, a full set of Quidditch balls from Sirius, a box stuffed full of Bertie Bott's every flavour beans from Alice and Frank, a bottle of Colour-Changing Ink and a Self-Correcting Quill from Remus and a Rememberall from Peter.  
"Is this from you?" James points to the last present in the pile, and I nod eagerly. Tearing the wrappings, I bite my lip as James pulls it out.  
"A hairbrush?"  
Sirius and I burst out laughing at the same time, and I collapse on the floor, chuckling. Mrs Potter starts to laugh as well, so we're all laughing while James sits in the middle, looking perplexed.

"Here's your real present," I grin, pulling a wrapped package out of my pocket, "but you can keep the hairbrush."  
He opens the gift and lifts up a first-edition copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages.  
_ "I've been looking for one of these for _ages_. Thank you, Lily!"  
He kisses me on the forehead, a huge smile on his face, and I'm so happy that I think I'm going to burst.  
"Your presents now, Lily dear!"

I pull the first present onto my lap and rip it open.  
I get a set of quills and inkwells from Mrs Potter, a Sneakoscope from Sirius, a new copy of _Numerology and Grammatica_ from Remus (I threw my last one out the window during the OWLs) , Chocolate Frogs from Peter, a leather-bound notebook from Marlene and an enchanted hand mirror from Alice and Frank. As I start to open James' present, I feel him tense and lean over my shoulder. There's a little leather box and an envelope, and I open the leather box carefully, holding my breath.

"It's...it's beautiful..." I gasp as I see the stunning silver charm bracelet. Attached to it are several charms, and I pick it up, running my finger over each of them in turn. A miniature broom, a golden snitch, a flower, an owl, a butterfly, and my favourite. A stag and a doe, standing back to back. I turn to James, and smile broadly at him. "It's amazing. Thank you so much, James! Can you put it on?" I hold out my wrist, and he does up the clasp carefully.  
"There's still that one!" Sirius points at the slim envelope, and Mrs Potter smiles warmly.  
"It took him ages to get them."  
"Get what?" I ask, but he just shakes her head and points at the envelope.

I open it, and slide out two slips of paper, reading them carefully.  
Then I read them again.  
And still don't believe what they're saying.  
"I'm going to see...the Rolling Stones?!" I squeal, and James laughs.  
"Do you like them?"  
"I can't...oh my...Merlin...I mean...for real?"  
"For real." James assures me, and I squeal again.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I throw my arms around his neck, overjoyed, and he hugs me.  
"I'm glad you like it!"  
"I don't just like it, I love it! Thank you, James!"  
"You're very welcome! The concert's on the 19th of July next year."  
"Eeee!" I shriek, and Mrs Potter laughs.  
"We thought you'd like it, dearie."

"So, James?" Sirius asks, as I settle back in James' lap.  
"Yes?"  
"What is this key for?"  
"Ah, well, I'll show you."  
We get up, and James leads us out to the front of the house, where there's something waiting outside. Sirius laughs, a loud, disbelieving laugh.  
"That's not...I mean...my present, it's not...is it?"  
"That's it."  
Sirius lets out a joyous whoop and runs towards his present, and I look at James, incredulous.  
"You got Sirius a _motorbike_?"

 **Hope you liked it!  
Don't forget, reviews will make me update faster!  
Asante,  
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	46. Anxious

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling. Lucky lady.  
Thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, followed, or even read this story, including the guests! I mean it!  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
Enjoy xx**

Sirius still hasn't come in when Effie announces that lunch is ready, and I volunteer to go and get him, wanting to see him on it.  
"Lily!" He yells, coming to a stop with a screech in front of me, pulling his helmet off. "This is amazing!"  
"You like it then?"  
"Like it? It's amazing! It goes so fast!"  
"Wait until you hear that it flies," James says from behind me; he must have followed me outside.  
"It WHAT?" Sirius shouts, clapping his hands excitedly and looking incredulously at the innocent-looking motorbike.  
"Effie said that Christmas dinner is nearly ready!" I say loudly, before he can get back on the bike, and he turns to me, smiling broadly.  
"Yay! Come on, Lily-Pad!"  
"Lily-Pad?"  
I'm confused.  
"I was trying it out. Not good?"  
"Ah, not bad. Better than Tiger-Lily." I laugh, and we follow James inside.

"Master James! Master Sirius! And Miss Lily! Your Christmas dinner is ready!"  
"Thank you Effie. Where's my mum?"  
"She is in the dining room, Master James. She is panicking about the party tonight, Master, even though I told her that Effie would help."  
"We're having a party? Well, that's news to me. Ah, Mum, there you are!" Mrs Potter comes through the doorway, throwing a few thin pieces of material over her shoulder, muttering to herself as she scans the piece of parchment in her hands.  
"And if they arrive at two...they can eat with us as well...ah, Lily dear! I've been looking for you!"  
"What am I, Scotch mist?" James whispers to Sirius, who sniggers.  
"Well, here I am. How can I help you, Mrs Potter?"  
"Which of these colours look better on me, dear? The blue, or the red?" She brandishes two pieces of material, holding them next to her face, and I bite my lip, trying to decide, and also trying to find out a way to find out what she's planning.  
"May I ask for what occasion?"  
"The Christmas party, tonight."

"Uh, Mum? Since when were we having a Christmas party?"  
"Since Augusta Longbottom owled me to ask what time to come around for the annual Potter Christmas party."  
"Ah. Right."  
"So, Lily, what colour?"  
"I like the blue, Mrs Potter."  
"So do I, but the dress, it's a little bit... _daring_. I'm not sure that I should wear it."  
"I'm sure that you'll look beautiful in whatever you wear, Mrs Potter." Sirius drawled charmingly, and Mrs Potter simpered, blushing.  
"Oh, you're such a charmer, Sirius, you." She smiled, obviously soothed, and swept off up the stairs.  
"So, Sirius, when you've finished chatting up my mum, you can come up and find some dress robes to wear for the party."  
"But...but...the _lunch_..." Sirius moans, looking longingly at the dining-room table, and James grabs him firmly by the arm, before frog-marching him upstairs.

I follow them upstairs, trying to hide the fact that I'm internally panicking.  
 _I didn't bring clothes for a party!_  
James shoves Sirius into his room with a shout of, "Find something decent to wear!", and then comes over to where I'm standing, stricken, looking at my wardrobe.  
"You alright?"  
"I have nothing to wear for a party, James. Nothing!"  
"That's okay."  
"No it's not! I have nothing to wear!"  
"You could go in a bin bag, love, and still look stunning."  
"But all of your family, they'll all be dressed amazingly, and I'll look like an idiot."  
"You could never look like an idiot. OK, pick out the best thing you've got, and I'm sure Effie can help you dress it up a bit."  
"Okay, but James?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Your family, are they...are any of them prejudiced? Against Muggle-borns?"  
There was a minute of silence.  
"It's okay if they are, it's just I thought that it would be better for me to know-"  
"Lily," James started, putting his hands on my shoulders. "I'm not going to lie, there are some of them that do think...badly of Muggle-borns. But they won't say anything, because you're amazing, and if they do then they'll have me to answer to."  
"Thank you, James."  
We hug, and I press my face into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar smell.

"Now, go find yourself something to wear for tonight!"  
"Yes ma'am." James chuckles, salutes and walks out into the corridor, into his bedroom.  
Pulling my hair out of my face, I flick through the clothes that I hung up in my wardrobe. I pull out my smartest blouse and skirt, and the dress I wore out with Petunia. After a lot of thinking, I decide on my smart black dress, and look at it curiously.  
"James!"  
"Yeah?" He sticks his head out of his bedroom door, and I hold up the dress.  
"What colour should I have for this dress? Blue?" I flick my wand. "Or green?"  
"I like the green better."  
"Yeah, me too. Do you know what time the people are coming?"  
"No, so I'd be ready just in case."  
"Alright. Has Sirius found something to wear yet?"  
"He better have!"

James steps back into his room, and I step back into mine, going over to my dressing table to put some make-up on. When I've finished, I slip my dress over my head and twist pieces of my hair back, so that my hair is half-up, half-down. Zipping my dress up, I look at myself in the mirror, and point my wand at the hem, so that it grows longer, and touches my knees. I like the way my eyes look when I wear green, so I'm smiling as I knock on James' door. "Hello? Can I come in?"  
"Oh, Lily, come in, mum said that they'll be coming in a...oh..."  
He's turned around to look at me, and his voice falters.  
"You look...great. Really, really great."  
"You don't look bad yourself." I grin, and James shakes his head like he's got water in his ears.  
"Mum...uh...mum said that they'll be coming in a minute. Just...when they're here, avoid my Aunt Eliza. And Uncle Peter. And-"  
"So, just avoid everyone that I don't know?"  
"No, avoid everyone that _I_ don't talk to."  
"Got it!"

A loud ringing sound from downstairs makes me jump, and James catches my arm.  
"It's okay, that's just the doorbell."  
We both move at the same time, grabbing each other's hands at the same time, and walk down the stairs.  
It's time to face the music.

 **Sorry this is a bit of a filler chapter, but the next chapter will be better, I promise.  
Don't forget to review with what you thought.  
Merci, (and I know a lot of ways x)  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	47. Frustrated

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
A/N: Thank you to everyone who was reviewed, and I usually update on the weekends, I've just been off school, so I've had a lot more time to write at the moment. Yay!  
Enjoy! xx**

"Now, Lily, did you say it was?"  
"Yes, ma'am, Lily Evans."  
"Oh, you're the Muggle-born that my nephew's dating, then. Now, I must warn you dear, the Potters only take the best. And, with that hair of yours, I feel like you shouldn't be wearing such a daring colour. A nice conservative black or white would be much better."  
I've only been talking to her for a minute, and I already want to throttle her.  
"Oh, really?"  
"Yes, and your posture also needs correcting. You like you're carrying a bag of books around on your back all of the time. Now, Lily, dear, what are planning to be when you grow up?"  
She says it like I'm three, and her patronising manner is _infuriating_.

"I'm studying to be an Auror."  
"Oh, no, that simply won't do. James needs someone calm, not flighty or adventurous, to make him settle down."  
"I don't think that James _wants_ to settle down, ma'am."  
"Ah, yes. He's a good boy, a little too bold for my liking, and he has the most _awful_ taste in girls. Redheads, eh? Whatever next?"  
My fingernails are biting so hard into my palms that I'm sure I'm bleeding.  
"I think James is quite excellent."  
"But then you would, dear. I understand your position, of course, I was merely a half-blood before I married up, and it makes perfect sense for you to want to marry higher than you. But a _Potter_? That's a little too ambitious, dear, for a girl like you."  
"A girl like _me_?"  
"I mean, average looks, those green eyes, and that infernal red hair. Not to mention that you're a _Muggle-born,_ dear. I mean this kindly, dear, I just don't want you to get your hopes up only for dearest James to find someone more _worthy_ of him."

My fingers are tickling the edge of my wand, as I force myself to take deep breaths and not hex this... _cow_ into next week.  
"Ah, there you are, Lily."  
A familiar voice sounds from behind me, and Sirius throws his arm around my shoulders.  
"Sirius," Eliza's voice suddenly sounds sweet and simpering. "How are you, my dear?"  
"I am quite well, Mrs Potter."  
"Oh no, call me Eliza." The woman blushes, and I can't help but stare at the wedding ring on her finger.  
"So, what were you and Lily talking about?"  
"I was merely telling Lily here not to get her hopes up."  
"I'm sorry? Get her hopes up? For what?"  
"Well, I do believe that it is clear that Miss Evans has no chance of marriage with our darling James."  
"Really? Well, I must say I do disagree. Lily, I believe our _darling_ James is looking for you. We wouldn't want to keep him waiting, now, would we?"  
Without waiting for her to answer, he steers me away from the offending woman, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

" _Thank you_. Merlin, she was..."  
"She does have rather...disgusting views, doesn't she?"  
"Hmm." I mumble, shaken, and he stops, putting his hands on my shoulders so that I stop too.  
"Lily? You do know what she was saying was crap, don't you? James...he _loves_ you, Lily. It's like you're his oxygen. He can't do it without you. He doesn't care that you're Muggle-born, he doesn't care that you can be downright moody at times, he _loves_ you. And dearest _Eliza_ isn't going to change that."  
I let out a breath that I didn't realise I was holding.  
"Thank you, Sirius."  
"Anytime, Lily-Pad." I shake my head at the nickname, and he smirks. "Now, go find James. He doesn't do very well without his oxygen."

I scan the room for the familiar head of messy hair, and spot James in the corner, standing awkwardly, talking with an elderly man with an ear trumpet. Smiling, I walk forwards to go and greet him, and am intercepted with an intimidatingly tall man, dressed in a too tight tuxedo, and holding a rather large glass of champagne. He adjusts his glasses, and peers down at me.  
"And who are you?"  
"Lily Evans, sir."  
I fight the urge to curtsey, as he beckons me over to a sofa, waving his hand regally.  
"Now, I've heard that you and my nephew have become...acquainted."  
"Yes, that is true. I'm sorry, sir, but what is your name?"  
"Peter. Peter Potter."  
I fight the urge to giggle, and then fight the urge to roll my eyes at my own immaturity.  
 _Peter Potter_.

My amusement must show on my face, because he frowns.  
"Is something funny?"  
"No, sir." I try my hardest to keep my face straight.  
"Good. Now, I would like to know a few things. What do you think about your place in society?"  
"I'm sorry?"  
"Do you think that being from a non-magical puts you at a disadvantage?"  
"No, sir, I do not."  
"So you believe that you perform magic just as well as members of families with magical descent?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"And your proof?"  
"Um...my OWL results, sir?"  
"So, you're telling me that if I were to check your OWL results, you would have got the same as my nephew?"  
"Not always, sir."  
"No?"  
"No, sir. Sometimes I get higher."  
"Excuse _me_?"  
"I said sometimes I get higher results than your nephew. I do not think that the fact that I am Muggle-born affects my magical talent."  
"So you believe that a _Mudblood_ like yourself can get higher than a _Potter_ in a test of magical aptitude?"  
"I do, sir, but if you want a more reliable answer then I suggest you ask your nephew, using that _exact_ wording, and see how he responds. I am afraid that I will not continue to speak with you if you will speak of me so vulgarly. Good day, sir."

I stand up, trying to stop my hands from shaking, and walk over to find James.  
"Lily? Are you okay?"  
"I don't like your Aunt Eliza, or your Uncle Peter."  
"I _knew_ they'd say something. What happened?"  
"Well, your _dear_ aunt said that I wasn't worthy of you, and your _darling_ uncle called me a Mudblood. Other than that, I love your family."

 **Hee hee. Peter Potter. Try saying it out loud!  
Hope you liked this chapter! There will be another party chapter so follow to be updated when that comes out!  
Don't forget to review!  
Adieu,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	48. Triumphant

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Unfortunately.  
A/N 1: I'm going back to school tomorrow, (yay) so I won't be updating as frequently, but never fear! I shall keep updating on the weekends, providing I get the time!  
A/N 2: PLEASE READ!  
I am currently writing a sequel...ish, to this story. Basically, everything from this story fits with that story. It does not focus as** ** _much_** **on James and Lily, but they are still VERY important, and it is not canon! Meaning anything can happen! And two very important people may not die on the 31st of October, 1981! I'm not sure whether to post it yet or not, so let me know if you'd like to see that!  
Enjoy the party, part two! xx**

"He WHAT?"  
"James-"  
"I mean, don't worry about Aunt Eliza, she's talking rubbish, if anything, I'm not worthy of you, but what did that-" He calls his _dear_ uncle something that makes me look at him, scandalised. "want?"  
"He wanted to know whether to know about my view on my place in the wizarding community, and whether I thought being a Muggle-born puts me at a disadvantage. I said that it didn't, and I asked something like, so you believe that you perform magic just as well as members of families with magical blood? And I was like, yes, and then he asked, so if I was to check your OWL results, would I have got the same as you?"  
"And what did you say?"

"No."  
"No?"  
"No. I said that sometimes I get higher."  
James snorts. "That sounds like you. Then what?"  
"He said something like do you believe that a Mud-  
"Don't call yourself that! Sorry, keep going."  
"Do you really believe like a Muggle-born like yourself can get higher than a _Potter_ in a test of magical aptitude?  
"He said _that_?"  
"Yes, and I told him to ask you that question too, but James-"  
"One second, Lils."  
He kisses me on the forehead, and then goes over to talk to the offender.

"Where's your boyfriend gone, Lilykins?"  
"He went to have a talk with his _dearest_ uncle."  
Sirius snorts with laughter. " _Peter Potter_."  
"I thought it was just me!" I say in surprise, a smile on my face. " _Peter Potter_. Try saying it ten times fast."  
"Peter Potter, Peter Potter, Peter Potter, Peter Potter, Peter Po..po..tter?"  
He stumbles on his fifth go, and laughs, cocking his head at me like a dog.  
"So, what did our ridiculously named friend do this time?"  
"Called me a...he called me a Mudblood." I murmur, and Sirius looks at me, outraged.  
"What? Why?"  
I explain the story again, and Sirius just looks more and more outraged as I go on.

"Wow. Let's hope that James rips him to pieces."  
"Sirius!"  
"What? I wasn't saying _literally_..."  
"Okay, sure. Whatever."  
James comes over a minute later, holding an empty glass, with a smile as big as the Grand Canyon.  
"How's our favourite pureblood bigot doing?"  
"Well, I _accidentally_ tripped and dropped my drink into his lap. And then I moaned to him about pureblood bigots ruining our country for about ten minutes."  
"Good. Hopefully now he won't be insulting Tiger Lily anytime soon."  
"Hang on, I need to do something."  
OK, maybe it's uncalled for, but I want to see him a bit ruffled. Not as composed.

"Oh, Mr Peter Potter, sir, did someone spill their drink on you?"  
"I...but..."  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realise! But next time, sir, the toilet's over there."  
I point over at the door, curtsey, and walk over back to James and Sirius, keeping my head high the whole way.  
It takes us about two seconds to crack up laughing.  
"The toilet's over there..." Sirius gasps, and James throws his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.  
"That was great, Lils."  
"Thank you for doing that, James."  
"Don't worry about it, I wasn't going to let him get away with insulting you like that."

I go up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, and he turns his head, so that our lips meet. Gasping slightly, I lean in to deepen the kiss, and Sirius laughs.  
"Get a room!"  
We break apart, me blushing wildly, but James just grabs my hand, laughing, as his mum approaches, wearing a lovely set of blue robes.  
"You look lovely, Mrs Potter!"  
"Oh, thank you, Lily dear. You look splendid yourself! Now, James, what is this I hear about you pouring your drink in my poor brother's lap?"  
"It was an ' _accident'_ , Mum." James says clearly, putting a lot of emphasis on the _accident_. "And he was being rude."  
"That sounds like Peter. Ah, well, just don't do it again, and if he sends me the dry-cleaning bill, you're paying for it!"  
"Dry-cleaning? Couldn't he just clean it with magic?"  
"Yes, but as much as Peter pretends to dislike Muggles, he thinks that their cleaning services are far superior to anything we've got in the magical world."  
"Okay. Right mixed bag, he is, eh Lily?" Sirius nudges me with his elbow, and I smile reluctantly.

"James Potter, why are you going to get another drink?"  
"Uh, because I'm _thirsty_ , Mum. Jeez!"  
"Language, James!"  
"What? It's not like I swore!"  
"James-"  
"I will swear, though, if you want to. Sirius tell me something about Snivellus, and I'll be able to curse for a good hour."  
"James, leave Snape alone!"  
"James Potter!"  
"Yes!"  
"Why have you not drunk that drink?"  
"Because I've been too busy talking to you, Mum!"  
"You don't even like ginger Butterbeer!"  
"Yes, but...Lily does! So I got it for her! Here, Lily! Have some ginger Butterbeer!"  
"James..." His mum starts warningly, and he smiles at her encouragingly.  
"Go on, Mum, go and talk to some of your friends. We'll be fine, and look great!"  
Mrs Potter leaves to go to talk to some friends, albeit reluctantly, and James links arms with me, taking the drink out of my hand.  
"Let's go and see Uncle Peter, yes?"

We brush past his chair, and James 'trips', knocking half of the Butterbeer into his uncle's already sopping lap.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Uncle Peter! It was an _accident_." He smiles sweetly and coughs something that sounds suspiciously like "Hypocrite!"  
James, Sirius and I spend the rest of the evening in the dining room, playing Exploding Snap.

 **Thank you!  
Don't forget to review if you like the sound of a sequel!  
Obrigada,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	49. Hesitating

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, blah blah blah...now get on with the news!  
THE SEQUEL IS UP!  
YAY!  
IT IS OFFICIALLY UP!  
It is called 'The Brave Ravenclaw'!  
It is about James and Lily and Sirius and Remus and an OC! It is AU, not canon.  
Please read it, and review! Thank you!  
Now, enjoy this chapter! Then go read the sequel, and follow, favourite and review!**

"Are you sure you want to do this, Lily?"  
"I have to."  
"No, you don't-"  
"Yes, I do. Petunia went there, so I have do too."  
"I'm coming."  
"You better be."

* * *

The front door of my old house is hanging off its hinges. The paintwork outside is slashed at like tigers inhabit the UK, and the flowers that my mum worked so hard to keep perfect are lying in tatters across the driveway. The remains of the police tape that was plastered across the porch has been quickly ripped off, so shreds of it are still stuck to the door posts. The lights are all off in the house, which makes me involuntarily shudder; my mum always insisted that one light was on at all times, as she was scared of the dark.  
 _My mum._

James grabs my hand and gives it a big squeeze, his mum standing just behind us.  
"Are you ready?"  
I take a deep breath.  
"Yeah. Let's just go in."

I lead him up to the door, and duck under the hanging door. The hallway is dark, and I reach up for the light switch, flicking it so that the hall is flooded with light. It looks untouched, the empty vase still on the side, the radiator cold and silent, Dad's coat still hanging over the banister.  
 _Dad_.  
Shaking my head, I bite my lip, wait for a second, and then start slowly climbing the stairs. I want to avoid everywhere except my room, but it turns out that Petunia, my absolute _favourite_ person in the whole entire world, has piled the few boxes outside my parents' old room.  
 _My parents' room_.

The boxes are faded, and crumpled with age, and James picks up the boxes and moves them out of the way, staggering slightly at the weight. My parents' room is dark, and, feeling sick, lean up to turn the light on. The room looks normal, painstakingly normal, apart from a large red stain on the bedspread. I let out a startled noise, shuddering, and James puts the boxes down quickly, his hand flying to my shoulder.  
"What's wrong? Are you...oh Lils..."  
I point at the stain, teeth chattering, not sure whether I'm going to cry, or vomit, or both. James turns me around, pulls me out of the doorway, and shuts the door.  
"Don't look. Just don't look. Come on, I'll get these boxes outside, you can get your stuff, and I'll give you a minute, okay?"  
"Hmm." I mumble, blinking quickly, trying to clear my vision of the horrible patch on the duvet in my parents' room, and then walk into my bedroom.  
After I've packed up some of my stuff, and folded my clothes into a bag, I shoulder my rucksack and walk quickly out of the room and down the stairs, not looking at the other rooms. Waving at my room like an idiot, I bite my lip to try and stop myself from crying, and run outside, to where James has piled the boxes up in a neat stack, and is scanning the houses, standing next to Mrs Potter.

"Okay, Lils, my mum said she'll Apparate back home with the boxes. Do you want to go for a walk?"  
I nod, still feeling dazed, and he holds my hand, following me as I lead him down the street, past the cul-de-sacs, and down to the park I used to play in when I was little. We walk down past the swings, up by the willow tree, and I pull James down to sit with me, under the towering tree down by the pond.  
"It's beautiful..." James smiles, leaning back against the trunk of the tree, and I lay back against him.  
"Yeah, it is, isn't it? I used to come her when I was younger, to play."  
"On what?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"What did you play on?"  
"The swings. Come on, I'll show you."

I yank him up, and then run over to the swings, hopping up onto it and kicking off with my feet. Laughing, I swing higher and higher, until James starts to look panicked.  
"Uhhh...Lily, that's quite high..."  
"I'll be fine, James. I used to do this all the time!"  
" _Really_?"  
"Yes- oh! Move back!"  
He stumbles back a few steps, and I launch myself off the swing with a shout of laughter, flying off the end and soaring through the air before landing lightly on the grass.  
"Lily! Are you okay?"  
"Yeah," I giggle, flattening my hair. "That was fun! I haven't done that in _ages_."  
"Maybe that was a good thing..." James mutters, and I nudge him with my elbow.  
"Come on, it's just like flying!"  
I wait for him to respond, but he's stiffened, looking at something rigidly in the distance.  
"What is it?"  
" _Snape..._ "  
James mutters, hand brushing his pocket for his wand, and I peer at where he's looking.

Sure enough, Severus is sitting on a bench not far away, holding an old-looking book in his hands, apparently absorbed in the book.  
"James! Leave it!" I look at him cautiously, but he's focused on the lone figure, huddled on the bench.  
" _James_!" I whisper furiously, grabbing at his arm as he stalks forwards, and he swings around to face me.  
"What?"  
"Stop it!"  
"I'm just going to say hello."  
"Oh, don't make me laugh! What is your problem with him?"  
"He insulted you!"  
"Maybe he did, but I've made my peace with it, so you should have too!"  
"But _Lily..._ " He whines, and I drag him away, rolling my eyes.  
"Come on. Let's go home."  
He brightens at my words, and for a second I don't know what he's smiling at.  
"What?"  
"You said _home_."  
"I did?"  
"Uh-huh."  
"Okay then. Come on James. Let's go home."

 **Thank you! New Year's in next chapter!  
Read the sequel! Please!  
Don't forget to review if you've got anything to say! I'll hear it all!  
Thanks bunches,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	50. Stunning

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling. Lucky lady.  
Please follow, favourite and review if you like it!  
A/N: Just wanted to clear this up, you can read The Brave Ravenclaw, which is the sequel to this, while reading this story, as there aren't any major spoilers. 'Kay? Thanks!  
Enjoy xx**

"Another party? _Really,_ Mum?"  
"Just be grateful it's not here again." She muttered darkly, brushing her hair out of her face. "Okay, the party begins at six, so I want you all ready by half five, okay?"  
"That's in fifteen minutes!"  
"Exactly. So you better start getting ready pronto."  
"But Mrs Potter, I wore my only dress to the Christmas party, and it's New Years..."  
"That's fine, I've probably got something you could wear, Lily dear, from when I was young."  
As expected, I'm not _overjoyed_ by this information, but I watch as she shoos James and Sirius off to put on some dress robes, and then follow her up the set of stairs that I haven't climbed before.  
"Why are these parties always so last minute?" I ask, and Mrs Potter chuckles.  
"Because it's a sign of a good hostess to be able to throw a party with an hour's notice."  
"Right." We turn left at the top of the stairs, into a dark room, and then Mrs Potter flicks her wand, so that the lights turn on.

Two large wardrobes make up the left wall, and the rest of the walls are covered in mirrors. Mrs Potter goes straight over to the first wardrobe and yanks he door open. A few minutes of oohing and aahing later, she pulls out a long gold dress, bedazzled with diamante on the bodice.  
"It's beautiful..." I gasp. "But I simply couldn't..."  
"Nonsense, dear." Mrs Potter insists, and she flicks her wand so that my jeans and t-shirt turn into the stunning dress. "Ok, close your eyes."  
"Okay..." I murmur nervously, and my hair falls out of its ponytail, then flies up off my neck. There's a light, tingling sensation on my skin, and the skin feels lighter, smooth. My red and navy striped socks disappear, and in their place there are a pair of vaguely uncomfortable high heels. I can feel Mrs Potter's hands at my neck as she fastens something there, and I can feel a cool, slightly heavy chain hanging there.  
"Oh, my dear, you look exquisite!" She squeals, and I open my eyes, staring at the girl in the mirror.

I know that it's me because of the expression; it's thoughtful, and my green eyes are wide. However apart from that, it doesn't look like me.  
Actually, it is.  
It's me, but my normal unruly hair is shiny and pulled back, twisted into an elaborate knot, with a few curls framing my face. It's me, but I'm wearing sleek cream high heels that would be far too high for me to wear normally, but now feel natural, _right_. It's me, but I'm wearing the dress. Merlin, that _dress._  
It's slim and form-fitting with small translucent sleeves and a beaded bodice. The skirt is light and flattering, making my legs seem longer, and me look taller. I have natural make-up on, and gold eyeshadow that makes me green eyes pop. I feel beautiful like this, and my wide smile just adds to the look. I do a little twirl, smiling as the dress flies out, and then turn to Mrs Potter.  
"Thank you!"  
"It was my pleasure, dear. You look lovely. Now, go see what the scamps upstairs are doing."  
"Okay." I smile at her, and walk out into the hallway, and down the stairs, wobbling slightly on my heels. It takes me a while to get to my room, and when I reach the corridor where our rooms are, Sirius is leaning against the wall, playing with the hem of his dress robes. He looks up as he sees me, and his mouth drops open slightly.

"Wow, Lilybug, you look..." He whistles, because that's apparently the best way for him to express what he's trying to say.  
"Thanks, Sirius. And I like the name Lilybug."  
"Yeah, me too. That'll be your new nickname. Lilybug. Now, go and make James' eyes fall out of his head."  
I grin and knock on James' door. "Can I come in?"  
"Yeah, I'm just putting my shoes on!"  
Pushing open the door, I step in, and wait for James to turn around.  
"It's nearly half past, Mum's going to be frantic, what are you wearing?"  
He turns around, and his eyes practically bug out. "Um...you...ugh...you look...wow..."  
I laugh. "Thanks, James."  
Fiddling with the charm bracelet that James got me, I try not to look at how _good_ James looks in his dress robes.

"So...are we going to go downstairs now?"  
"I...um...yeah..." He finally tears his eyes away from me and shakes his head like he's trying to clear his ears of water.  
"Stopped gawking yet, Prongsie?" Sirius peeks around the door, and then laughs. "Your mum's going spare. You were supposed to be down there five minutes ago."  
"Yeah...of course...let's go..."  
James loops his arm around my waist and steers me out of the room, down the stairs, and into the front room. Mrs Potter is waiting in the living room, smoothing down her pink dress and smiling.  
"I thought we'd use a Portkey," She explains, holding out a hairbrush. "So we don't get soot on the dresses."  
We all put a finger on it, and I feel an uncomfortable jerk beneath my navel as we spin around, faster and faster and faster. We land with a _thump_ in an extravagant dining room, and a snooty, well-dressed woman comes over and leads us into the a room too big to be called anything _but_ a ballroom. I'm just looking to James for instructions when a loud, oh too familiar voice sounds from behind me.  
"Ah, Miss Evans, isn't it? I thought my dear nephew would have dumped you for the darling Prewett girl by now!"  
"Whoop de doo." James mutters, and I send a silent prayer to Merlin as I turn around to face James' _favourite_ aunt, Eliza.

 **I don't know why I used a cliffhanger here, I just kind of had the urge.  
I know this chapter a bit anticlimactic, but something BIG happens next chapter, so hold onto your seats while you wait for that!  
Also, reviews make me update faster! So review! Thank you kindly!  
Thanks bunches,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	51. Jealous

**Disclaimer: I am nowhere near that lucky, unfortunately.  
A/N: Wow, I updated quickly! I'm actually kind of surprised at myself! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and I hope you like this chapter! Lots of drama!  
Enjoy xx**

"Not again!" James mumbled, grabbing my hand and pulling my over to the drinks table.  
"James, I've had three Butterbeers already!"  
"Yes, but we needed an excuse to get away from that old hag."  
"She wasn't that bad!"  
"Yeah, and Malfoy's my best mate."  
"Oh ha ha…"  
"Hello, Jamie, dear!"  
"Hide me." He moans, ducking to hide behind me, but it's too late.  
"Oh, aren't you handsome, my little cousin, all grown up!"  
"Hello Mrs Bones."  
"And who is this?"  
"This is Lily, ma'am. We're together." He says proudly, and I blush.  
"When's the wedding?"  
"Oh no, we're not...I mean, it's not...we're not…"  
"There's not a wedding planned at present, Mrs Bones, but I hope that there may be one in the future."  
I wink at her, and she smiles secretively as James stutters, so I leave James to chat to her, walking into the middle of the room.

I'm just standing, watching the people talk, when I feel a hand at my waist. I jump, and turn, and it's not James or Sirius like I thought I'd be. It's a boy, a bit older than me, wearing a tux, and I can't help but think that James looks a lot better in a suit than him.  
"Hello. It's Lily, right?"  
"That's me. Sorry, who are you?"  
"Jacob Fawcett. Nice to meet you."  
"And you."  
"So, how are you liking the party?"  
"It's lovely. The house is exquisite."  
"Yeah, Mum likes expensive things."  
"Oh, this is your house?"  
"Yep."  
"Sorry, I didn't know."

Jacob winks, contorting his face in what I'm guessing is supposed to be winning smile.  
"So, babe, are you going to be free next Saturday?"  
"Oh no," I laugh, trying not to embarrass him. "I'm in a relationship at the moment."  
"Aw…" He pouts, and though it looks cute when James does it, here it looks childish and a bit silly. "Come on, babe, it'll be fun. Your boyfriend doesn't have to know…"

I step backwards, clutching my glass like a lifeline, and make my voice cold and hard.  
"I'm sorry, but I have no intention to do anything except walk away from you."  
"Don't be a prude, hon…" The slimeball murmurs, and he snakes his arm around my waist. Freezing at the sudden move, I'm still until his hand strays to an inappropriate area, and I slap his hand away, stepping backwards quickly, reaching for my wand but of course it's not there.

"Excuse me?! What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
"Come on, hon, I know you're loving it."

My fingers are twitching, itching to hex him into next week, and then a familiar voice sounds next me  
"Lily! Are you okay? Bored yet?"  
I thank Merlin for James' best friend's intuition.  
"Jacob here, was just showing me the best way to offend a girl."  
"Oh, really? I'm sure James would love to hear how you're hitting on his girlfriend."  
Sirius comes to my rescue again, and Jacob pales.

"That's your boyfriend? James Potter?"  
"I'm sure he'd love to hear how you groped me, but there we go."  
"He what?" Sirius asked, voice low and menacing, and I grab his arm to steer him away, going against all of my instincts, as I know it'll just get Sirius into trouble.

We walk over to the drinks table again, and Sirius mutters to me out of the corner of his mouth. "You okay?"  
"I'm fine, but he's a git." I hiss back, and Sirius nods approvingly.  
"That, I agree with. Are you going to tell James?"  
I look over at where I saw James going, and frown as I spot him, speaking with a tall girl with long blonde hair, wearing a short red number that wouldn't look out of place at a strip club.  
"He looks at bit preoccupied at that moment." I say darkly, eyes still fixed on them as she runs her long red manicured nails down his shirt, giggling obnoxiously as he makes a joke and grins. I clench my fists, my non-manicured nails biting into my palms, and watch, boiling, as he leans down to whisper in her ear, and she giggles again. The noise is horrible, like unicorns being killed. Who knew a laugh could be so high-pitched and ear-splitting and _annoying_?

"Who's that?" I try to sound casual and Sirius answers, swigging from a bottle.  
"Anne. Anne…Fawcett, I think. That guy Jacob's her brother."  
"Figures." I mumble, but he's too busy drinking to notice.  
"Sirius….is that _Firewhiskey?_ "  
"I'm of age, Lily!"  
"Yes, but that's not the _point_."  
"What is the point then?"  
"That you're drinking!"  
"What's wrong with that?"  
"Didn't you get alcohol poisoning in sixth year?"  
" _Well_ …"  
He doesn't elaborate, but puts the bottle down, which I accept as a kind of personal victory. Looking over at James and _Anne_ , they're still talking, and Anne is twirling her hair in her fingers and still doing that infernal _giggling_. I stare at her so intensely that her glass cracks, spilling some drink on the floor, and then I turn away, embarrassed that I couldn't control my magic, and annoyed at her blatant flirting.

The gramophone starts to play a different tune, a lilting waltz, and several couples sweep into the middle and start to dance.  
"You going to dance?" Sirius asks, and I shake my head.  
"I don't know how."  
"Rubbish," Sirius scoffs, brushing his hands on his robes. "You just haven't had loads of practise. Come on, Lilybug."  
I lift my arms up half-heartedly, and he adjusts my arms before twirling us out onto the floor. He leads, which is good because I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to do. However by the time the song ends I'm grinning as we swing around the floor, and then gasp as Sirius spins me so that I end up dancing with someone else. I dance with Sirius, Gideon and Fabian Prewett. I dance with Frank Longbottom and I dance with James' cousin Matthew and nearly everyone in the ballroom. I dance until my feet hurt and my arms ache and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard, and for a second I forget about James and Anne and the fact that they look more like a couple than James and I ever will, and I just dance. I dance, and I lose myself in the beautiful soaring music.

The music fades as the clock in the corner glows, and then someone starts a countdown.  
"Ten! Nine! Eight!"  
I look around for James, but I can't see him.  
"Seven! Six! Five!"  
 _Where is he?_  
"Four! Three! Two!"  
Fine.  
"One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"  
Everyone yells, and everyone's grinning and kissing and laughing and I'm not because I'm still looking for James.  
"Lily! Happy New Year!" Fabian kisses me on the cheek, and I smile absently at him, eyes still searching for the one person I want, and the person that I can't see.  
"Lily? Are you alright?" Sirius is there, hand gripping mine, and I take a deep breath.  
"I'm fine. Just need some air. Happy New Year!"

He laughs, and lets me go, so I turn, deposit my drink on the nearest table and walk back out into the deserted drawing room, trying to breathe normally. I don't like small spaces, and the room was too loud, too big, and there were too many people cramped together. I'm shaking, hands quivering as they rest on my lap, and I know that I need to calm down, and I know that I need James because he's one of the only people who can calm me down when I get like this but he's not here.  
I know what I need to do.  
I need to go home.

I need to go home, but I can't, because someone new lives there now, and my parents wouldn't be there anyway, and that hits me like a slap in the face and I'm crying, mascara smudging and make-up trailing down my face like a river.  
Then I stop.  
I know where I need to go.  
I'm repeating it in my mind, over and over again as I get up and walk back into the ballroom to find Mrs Potter. She's talking to someone in the corner, Sirius, but they stop as I approach them, and I mumble what I'm trying to say, quickly, so quickly that I have to repeat myself. She listens intently, and then answers, but the roaring in my ears is too loud for me to hear what she says. Holding my arm, she steers me out into the drawing room again, and I stutter what I need, and she kisses me on the forehead, before Disapparating, me holding onto her arm with an iron grip. I tell her what I need, where I need to go, and then she nods, nods again, hugs me, and sends me up to bed.

 **Oooh! Drama! Jealousy! Exclamation marks!  
Virtual cookies if you guess where she's going. Let me know in a review!  
Thanks, and I hope you liked it!  
** **Au revoir,  
** **She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	52. Lonely

**Disclaimer: I am nowhere near that lucky, unfortunately.  
I dare you not to look ahead and see where Lily went until you've read this author's note.  
A/N: I was looking through the details of this story today, and I honestly can't believe the feedback that it's gotten! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, even if some of your reviews were, err, ****_different_** **! Please keep it up!  
Enjoy xx**

The Hogwarts Express feels lonely when you ride it alone.  
It's not a surprise, really, but I can't get my head around the fact that there's no one to talk to, no one to laugh and joke and play Exploding Snap with. The corridors are long, and empty, and silent, and it's eerily cold, so I bundle up in the jumper I stole from the porch, teeth chattering, rubbing my hands together.

I've been on the train for ten minutes before I remember that there will be no one to meet me, so I owl Remus, whose staying at Hogwarts over Christmas asking him to tell Professor McGonagall that I'm coming back, and asking him to meet me at Hogsmeade Station. He answers minutes later, saying of course he will, that he'll see me soon, and that he wants to know what's going on.  
I don't owl him back.

Two hours later, I've eaten both chocolate bars that I bought at King's Cross after Effie dropped me off there at six, and drunk the bottle of water I stole from the kitchen this morning. Mrs Potter got upset when I left this morning, which was precisely why I didn't tell James and Sirius where I was going. That, and the fact that I don't think I'd be able look James in the eyes after last night.  
A loud whistle sounds as the train rushes into Hogsmeade Station, and I drag my trunk out into the hallway, panting and cursing as I drop it on my foot. "Argh...stupid trunk...honestly...oww!"

Groaning, huffing and puffing, I kick open the carriage door, and pull all of my stuff out of door, swinging my owl's cage out of the window and plopping it ungraciously on the ground. Papilio lets out an indignant _squawk,_ and I roll my eyes.  
"Yes, sorry, Papilio, stupid owl...Merlin's beard...oww!" I squeal as Papilio nips me on the finger sharply, obviously annoyed.  
"Stupid abusive owl...stupid cumbersome trunk...stupid ogling boyfriends..."  
"Got quite a lot on your plate, haven't you?"  
I turn around in surprise, and Remus pulls me into a hug.  
"How are you, Lily?"  
"I'm fine, and you?"  
"I'm alright, but you seem upset."  
"I do not!" I huff, and he chuckles. "I don't look upset, do I?"  
"No, but you do seem to be in need of a prescription for an extra strength chill pill. What's going on?"  
"Nothing."  
"Yeah, and I'm Merlin's uncle. Why have you come back to Hogwarts?"

"I have Head stuff to do."  
"If you did, James would have come with you."  
"He didn't fancy it."  
"You and I both know that he would've come anyway. Come on, Lily."  
"Fine. He doesn't know that I left."  
" _What_?!"  
"I kind of left...without telling him."  
"Well that was stupid." Remus says bluntly. "Did you argue?"  
"No."  
"So why did you leave?"  
"It wasn't just because of him."  
"But some it was, so what happened?"  
"We were at this New Year's party thing, and he was just flirting with this other girl, Anne, but you don't want to hear about this, Remus-"  
"Lily, it's fine. So he was flirting with this girl Anne, or something?"  
"And she was running her hands all over him. And she let him! It was like I wasn't even there!"  
"I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it-"  
"That's exactly the problem! He didn't seem to think anything was wrong! You should have seen his relatives, they were practically arranging a marriage for him and _Anne_. I ended up hanging around with Sirius for the whole night."

There was moment of thoughtful and in my case, frustrated silence, and then Remus perks up.  
"Speaking of Sirius, I got an owl from him this morning, only a couple of minutes after owled me. He wanted to know why a certain Lilybug wasn't there when he woke up this morning."  
"Ok, so what did you tell him?"  
"I told him you'd owl him ASAP."  
"Remus!"  
"What? I didn't know what to tell him."  
"You should've made something up!"  
"Like what? You grew wings and ran away with the fairies?"  
"That sounds better than the alternative. Please may I see the letter? If you still have it, I mean."  
"Yeah...I think...here we go..." Remus digs around his pocket, grins as he finds what he's looking for, and hands me a crumpled piece of parchment, covered in a familiar scrawl. Smiling, I unfold it and start to read.

 _REMUS JOHN LUPIN.  
Greetings. It is I, Sirius Black, begging you for your help in this time of woe. This morning, I awoke, and went to find my favourite Lilybug, but she was missing! I asked Mrs P where she was, and she said that Lily-pad had gone back to Hogwarts. Naturally, I declared her insane and went to find Lilykins. Now for the shocking part.  
I couldn't find her! She was gone!  
At first, I panicked, thinking she'd been kidnapped by Russian pirates, but then I reassured myself that we were not, in fact, in Russia. Prongs was still asleep at this point, so I called upon my favourite house-elf to find out where Tiger-Lily was. It was only THEN that I discovered that Mrs P hadn't gone mental, which was a relief, if I'm being honest, and Red actually had returned to Hogwarts. Then I, being incredibly smart, remembered that our favourite werewolf, aka YOU, was at Hogwarts also._

 _Now, Lupin, you better make sure that she's okay, or I will break your jaw. And then James will break your neck.  
Also, please pass this message onto Lily:  
Hola, Lilybug.  
Owl me and tell me what the hell is going on before James finds out that you've gone.  
Ta ta, Padfoot._

 _P.S: Remus, can you send some of that treacle tart from the kitchens. I'm having withdrawal symptoms.  
P.P.S: Flower, have you seen James' Quidditch jumper? It's not on the hook anymore._

I laugh, and ten minutes later I've scribbled a reply, leaning on my lap.

SIRIUS ORION (nice middle name) BLACK.  
Good morning. It is I, Lily Evans, owling you back to ensure that you do not break Remus' jaw, and that James does not break his neck. And Mrs P is not bonkers, insane, mental, or brain cell-challenged. I am currently at Hogsmeade Station.  
I am fine.  
This is the part where you burst out laughing, because 'duh, Lilybug, you aren't fine, you ran off.'  
That is true, I did leave, by the way. I was not kidnapped by any pirates, Russian or otherwise.

I loved the ball last night. Apparently so did James' new best friend, Anne.  
And the penny drops.  
Remus met me at the station, and I am currently leaning on my lap on a bench, with him reading over my shoulder. He says hello, by the way, and he also says that there's no way that you could break his jaw. I mean, have you seen those arms? They're like spaghetti!  
Sorry, Sirius, I will stop dictating what Remus tells me to write (wink, wink).  
Be okay, and don't slide down the banisters anymore. Or, if you do, at least remember to do a Cushioning Charm.  
Tell James that I love him, and nothing else. And don't let him break anyone's neck.  
Wow, that makes him sound violent.

Lots of love and sarcastic eye rolls,  
Lilybug x  
P.S: Slip a Dungbomb in Anne's bag next time you get the chance, will you? Thanks!  
P.P.S: I'm wearing it.

* * *

 **Yes, this was to get Lily to Hogwarts. No, I don't regret making a filler chapter. I quite like it, actually. Did you?  
James will return in the next chapter! What do you think his reaction will be like? Happy? Angry? Question mark?  
Reviews make my day, and also make me update faster!  
Gracias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
**


	53. Distraught

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, am not J.K Rowling, so I do not own Harry Potter. Sorry to disappoint you.  
A/N: I am sorry for the late update, but I have ****_loads_** **to do for school, so the updates will probably be limited to weekends for the moment, unless I have any random spare time. Please continue to review!  
That was a great evil laugh, by the way ;)  
Enjoy! xx**

I get a response for Sirius straight after lunch, and his reply is short and to the point.

 _Lilybug,  
Anne? Really? You think Prongs would like that posing peacock?  
As for James, think drink._  
 _Padfoot._

"Think drink? What in the name of Merlin's left sock does that mean?" I huff, waving the letter in the air as I slump down on the common room sofa next to Remus, who's finishing off his holiday homework. At my cry of anguish, he jumps, spilling ink all over his essay, and swears.  
"Oh, sorry, _tergeo_."  
Clearing the ink of with a flick of my wand, I thrust the letter at him, huffing and puffing, ridiculously grumpy.  
"Think drink? What does that mean?"  
"That's what I'm asking _you_." I whine, snatching the letter out of his hand again. "Stupid Sirius and his stupid riddles and his stupid...stupid...think drink!"  
Remus turns to me, looking vaguely concerned, as I jump up with the familiar exhilaration that I get when I have an idea, turning on my heel to leave.  
"Where're you going?"  
"To the library!"

My feet pound on the flagstone floors as I run down the corridor, stopping with a squeal as Professor McGonagall materialises in front of me.  
"Miss Evans! No running in the corridors!"  
"Sorry Professor, I'm just going to the library."  
"Right," She raises her eyebrows, and then seems to remember something. "Oh, Miss Evans, I must have forgotten to ask you, but there's going to be a Prefect meeting to discuss the circumstances, and as you know-"  
The Transfiguration teacher keeps talking, her voice monotone, and I'm not really listening, jumping around on the balls of my feet, peering over her shoulder, tugging the sleeves of James' jumper down to cover my hands. It's only when she says something that I wasn't expecting that I'm shaken out of my reverie.  
"And as Potter has decided for the moment to step down as Head Boy-"  
" _What_?"  
I swear my heart is trying to leap out of my chest, and my palms are sweating.  
"I would've thought he'd have told you, seeing as you two are... _courting_ -"  
Normally I would've laughed at the word 'courting', but this isn't normally.  
"But he did only owl me this morning, so I...are you quite alright, Miss Evans?"  
I must look as bad as I feel, because she looks worried, and I shake my head.  
"I'm alright. I just need to...sit down. Excuse me."

Practically running, I don't notice where I'm going, just that I'm going, and then I collapse at the foot of the beech tree next to the lake, where Snape betrayed me so long ago.  
I hated James then.  
No, I didn't. I never hated him.  
I _need_ him. And he's gone.  
I left him, and now he's left me.  
I curl up, shaking, trying to supress the sobs that long to escape, pressing my eyes closed, rocking myself backwards and forwards slightly until I gain control again. It takes a few minutes of slow, deep breathing before I get it together enough to stand up, brush off my clothes with shaking hands and walk slowly back to the castle.

Breath catching in my throat, I make my way up to the our common room, but it isn't our common room anymore, not really. The picture of us on the mantelpiece is gone, and I find it a minute later under my papers on the coffee table. James' blanket is gone from the sofa, and his towels are gone from the bathroom. His room is bare, all of the pictures that adorned the walls gone. The stain we made playing Gobstones at three in the morning. Gone.  
The handprint on the wall from when James tried painting. Gone.  
The lipstick stain on the wall I made when he dared me to kiss the wall. Gone.  
Our matching inked fingerprints, touching, just above James' bed. Gone.  
James. Gone.

I don't move from the sofa downstairs until I get a note from Professor McGonagall, a good hour later.  
 _Miss Evans,  
I would just like to let you know that the new temporary Head Boy is going to be Amos Diggory.  
He will be returning to Hogwarts shortly in order to settle in before the rest of the students arrive.  
Yours sincerely,  
Minerva McGonagall._

Remus comes to find me after dinner, knocking hesitantly on the door, and I yank open the door, then go back and sit heavily down on the sofa.  
"Lily? Are you okay?"  
"Fine, why?" I snap, and he sighs.  
"You haven't moved from here since lunch, after you said you went to the library. What happened?"  
I hold out the tear-stained note, and he reads it quickly.  
"What...but James is Head Boy..."  
"He quit. McGonagall told me."  
"But...but... _Diggory_?"  
"I know!" I say, voice rising in volume. "He's going to arrive tomorrow, and Diggory's arriving tonight, and that git's going to be _Head Boy_... What am I going to do?"  
"Well, Sirius is going to break James' jaw, and I'll help."  
"This is my fault, Remus. James can do what he wants, and I actually don't blame him for quitting. It would be weird anyway, all tense, with us two together. He probably didn't even know that Diggory would be Head Boy if he decided to quit."

"Yeah, okay." The werewolf doesn't seem convinced, but I stand up, wiping the tears away from my eyes hurriedly.  
"Did I miss dinner?"  
"Mmm..." Remus looks lost in thought. "Lily...I think I know what Sirius meant by think drink."  
"Yeah, I've spent some time thinking, I reckon she slipped him a diluted love potion. Just enough for them to have a good time."  
My voice is bitter as I brush my hair and leave it down, streaking down my back like fire and clashing with my red and gold jumper.  
"Oh, Lily..." Remus is interrupted by a mild scuffle outside, and I turn to the door, cursing under my breath as a familiar figure comes sauntering in.  
"Hey, babe." Diggory winks, and I turn and storm out, fighting the urge to cry.

 **Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha** **ha!  
See? I can do an evil laugh too!  
Ideas? Suggestions? Angry rants about cliffhangers and annoying fanfiction writers who put their characters through hell? Stick them in a review!  
Happy waiting,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction (and ridiculously big cliffhangers) xx  
**


	54. Anguished

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! It does not matter how many times I wish for that to be the case! I do not own Harry Potter!  
A/N: Hello, lovely readers. I** **t's Captain Evil here! Now, please keep your anguished reviews polite. If you don't know what I mean right now, you will by the end of this chapter. Just remember, things WILL look up.  
**

 **Please don't hate me!  
Hopefully enjoy? xx**

"Lily, babe?"  
I'm woken up at six with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named knocking on my door.  
"What do you want, Diggory?"  
"Ready to go down to breakfast?"  
"I'm going down later."  
"Oh, well, seeing as we're a couple now-"  
"Diggory I strongly advise you not to finish that sentence."  
"Why? Scared your precious Potter's going to find out?"  
"Oh go hug a cactus." I snap, burrowing my head deeper under the covers.

* * *

"Alice!" I shriek, running up to embrace my best friend.  
"Lily! How was your Christmas?"  
"It was fine." I lie, smile only a little forced.  
"How's James?"  
"He decided to…stay at home for a bit longer. How's Frank?"  
I try my best to divert the conversation from mentions of my holidays, and soon Alice is enjoying herself gossiping about something scandalous that happened with her neighbour's daughter and the new postman.  
"And then Jessica says that he wasn't _really_ a postman-"  
Nodding and smiling in all the right places, I manage to interrupt her when she pauses for breath.  
"Were Sirius and…that lot on the train?"  
"Yeah, we were in the same compartment. Sirius hung back to check something though, so they'll probably be through in a minute."  
"Right." My stomach starts to ache with nerves, and I start bouncing on the balls of my feet.  
"Shall we go then?" We link arms like we used to when we were younger and walk down into the Entrance Hall.

It's _him_.  
James and Sirius are standing in the Entrance Hall, James with his back to me, talking with Professor McGonagall quietly. Sirius looks up as we walk in, his face breaks into a grin, and I let go of Alice to run over and hug him.  
"You okay Lilybug?"  
"Mm…you?"  
"Alright."

We break apart and I jump in surprise as James' voice rises to a shout.  
" _Him_? It can't be him! You can't leave Lily with _him_!"  
Professor McGonagall's voice becomes stern as she reprimands him, and Sirius turns back to me.  
"What's going on?"  
"James quit being Head Boy. Now I'm sharing with Diggory."  
I murmur, internally surprised that James didn't tell his best friend, and Sirius' face goes blank.  
"Sirius?" I frown, confused, but he ignores me, turning on his heel, striding over to James and grabbing James' arm, pulling him towards the stairs.  
"Sorry to interrupt, Professor, but it's urgent. Bye Alice. I'll see you in a bit, Lils."  
Alice mumbles goodbye, but I'm speechless as I hear James sigh, and watch as he turns around. For a second, his hazel eyes lock onto mine just for a second, and I freeze, transfixed, then he ducks his head and follows Sirius up the now-moving staircase.

We don't talk, James and I. We don't share a room anymore, we don't sit together in many of our classes, and I don't hang around with him at the weekends. James swaggers around, back to his old ways, hexing Slytherins for the fun of it and declaring to anyone who'll listen that he's _so_ glad that he's not Head Boy anymore, because it's so _boring_ and you can't have any _fun_.  
He doesn't mention me. Not once.

I surround myself with my friends, mainly Alice, and I laugh, I joke, I do all of my homework the night I get it and start studying for the NEWTs that are happening in May. On the Friday night before the first Hogsmeade visit, Benji Fenwick asks me out, and I accept, tired of being on my own all the time and wanting to try and move on. So we go out, we go to Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks, and then walk back. There's no adventure, no playing in the snow or sprinting up the hill, or eating your bodyweight in chocolate or laughing until your stomach hurts. He walks me back to my common room, kisses me on the cheek and leaves me be; a perfect gentleman. I go upstairs, get changed, and don't move for the rest of the day, wracked with guilt because James didn't go with anyone to Hogsmeade.

The day before my birthday, I fall over in the Hall, and James catches me.  
"Woah! Are you…" He falters as he sees that it is me, and I brush off my robes.  
"Excuse me."  
As soon as he's out of sight I go to the toilet, and lean against the door, taking deep breaths until I'm composed enough to go to lessons.  
I don't cry.

My birthday's a small affair; I get presents from Alice, Frank, Marlene, and Sirius, Remus and Peter, though they don't say that they are from them. I just _know_.  
I go on another date with Benji Fenwick. He's great; funny, charming, smart, brave and laid-back.  
He's just nothing like…but I promised myself I wouldn't think about him.  
I don't cry.

February comes in what feels like a day, and Benji and I are sort of dating. I get him chocolate for his birthday and he gets me chocolate for mine, and I take off the charm bracelet and put it at the bottom of my drawer. I start spending even more time with Frank and Alice, even though the sight of them kissing sends a pang through my stomach.  
I keep avoiding James.  
I break up with Benji.  
I don't cry.  
I throw myself into my schoolwork.  
I come top of the class, again and again.  
I stop smiling.  
I start skipping meals to go to the library.  
My clothes are all suddenly too big.  
The charm bracelet stays at the bottom of my drawer.  
And I take comfort in the fact that I don't cry.

On Valentine's Day, I quickly excuse myself in Charms, and get to the bathroom just in time. Running into the first empty bathroom, I vomit, emptying my already empty stomach, coughing ad spitting and spluttering.  
"Evans? Flitwick asked me to come and see if you were okay."  
 _James_.  
"I'm fine." I choke out, wiping my eyes and mouth on a piece of toilet paper.  
"Are you sure? Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"  
His voice is quiet, unsure, but he can't help but let a little concern seep into his voice. I bow my head, not letting the tears fall. They can't. Not yet.  
"No. I'm fine."  
I hear his footsteps fade off down the corridor, and I slump down against the closed door of the stall for a minute, then stand up and go to the sinks, washing my face.  
"Lils? James sent me. Are you okay?"  
"Alice." I croak, and she comes into the bathroom, takes one look at me and pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back reassuringly.  
"Oh you poor thing. Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"  
"No, I'll be fine. I just need some fresh air."  
"Anytime. I'll let Professor Flitwick know."  
"Thank you, Alice."  
"Anytime. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

I leave the bathroom and walk, down past the Charms classroom where Alice enters, down two flights of stairs, out across the courtyard, over the bridge, and down to near the gamekeeper's hut.  
Sitting down at the beech tree beside the Black Lake, I sit very still for a moment, listening to the sounds of the trees swaying and the Giant Squid splashing around in the lake, focusing on them the way that James told me to when I get upset or start to panic.  
It's not working.  
I want to go home, but I haven't got one anymore.  
Hogwarts is my home, but it's not even really that anymore.

The air is cold and crisp, and I shudder violently, pulling my robes tighter around me. As much as I know that I should go back up to class, I can't bring myself to, so I stay sitting at the foot of the vast tree. My lip starts to bleed from where I've started biting it, and I absent-mindedly reach for my pocket to fiddle with my wand.  
Then I start to think.

I think about my mum, and my dad, and how much I miss them, and how they're gone because of the Death Eaters.  
I think about Petunia and how me being magical drove us apart.  
I think about James and how much he's hurt me.  
I think about how tired I am, tired of feeling the way I'm feeling and it's all because of _magic_.

I throw my wand as far as I can away from me.  
Pulling off my wizarding robe, I let it drop it to the ground.  
"I don't deserve this."  
My voice is quiet, but sure, carried away by the wind.  
"And I don't want it either."

And then the tears come.

 **She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	55. Isolated

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but you already know that.  
A/N: I'll keep this short, seeing as you probably just want to read the chapter. So, once again, reviews are welcome! I love getting them, actually, so please keep it up! As long as there are no flames, please! I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter.  
Enjoy xx**

 **"** Cockroach Cluster."  
I mutter at the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office, and it raises its stone eyebrows silently before moving for me to go up the stairs.  
Knocking hesitantly, I wait until the Headmaster's voice echoes out, and then push open the door.  
"Come in."

"Ah, Miss Evans. How may I help you?"  
"It's kind of difficult to explain, Professor."  
I'm suddenly horribly aware that my robes are somewhere out in the grounds, and I'm breaking school dress code by not wearing them.  
"Well, I'm sure you will do admirably. Please, have a seat."  
I perch awkwardly on the edge of the wooden chair, and take a deep breath.  
"Is it possible for someone to leave the magical world, Professor?"  
"I see," He peers at me over his half-moon spectacles. "Are you asking for yourself, Miss Evans?"  
"Yes sir," I mutter. "I am."  
"It is not preferred, of course. However it is possible. Why, are you considering this?"  
"Yes sir."  
"May I ask why?"  
"I...it's too much, Professor. All of it."

"Now," Dumbledore's voice becomes gentle, and his blue eyes twinkle reassuringly. "Are you sure you would like to do this, Miss Evans?"  
"Yes Professor."  
He sighs heavily. "In the rare case that a witch or wizard wishes to leave the wizarding community, you would have to hand over your wand, and make an Unbreakable Vow to not reveal any of the wizarding world's secrets to the non-magic."  
"Right. And could I do that?"  
"Yes, of course, but may I suggest a trial period?"  
"I'm sorry?"  
"I am merely suggesting that you spend this weekend at say, the Leaky Cauldron, and see what the wizarding and Muggle worlds have to offer. I understand your reasoning, however I find a bowl of Tom's excellent pea soup can clear even the foggiest of minds. Would this interest you, Miss Evans?"  
I close my eyes for a second, and think.  
"Yes, Professor. I think that would be wise."

"Very well. May I suggest you go and pack a small bag containing some of your belongings for your stay, and I shall organise everything with Minerva."  
"Professor?"  
"Yes Miss Evans?"  
"Will I be able to come back? You know, to say goodbye?"  
"Of course."  
"Thank you Professor."  
"You're very welcome. Now, I have one question for you. Where are your robes?"  
He sees my sudden panicked look, and chuckles.  
"No, no, you misunderstand me. I am just curious."  
"They are out in the grounds, Professor. Along with my wand."  
"I see. Now, Miss Evans, may I ask you to go to Minerva's office in one hour, so you can Floo to the Leaky Cauldron."  
"I will. Thank you very much Professor."

Standing up, I nod respectfully at him, and turn to leave.  
"Oh, and Miss Evans?"  
"Yes?"  
"What will become of Mr Potter?"  
"I...I don't believe he cares, sir."  
"Ah." Inclining his head, his face grows sad, blue eyes grave, and I bite my lip as I descend the stairs back down to the corridor.

* * *

"So...basically what I'm trying to say is...I'm leaving." I finish, clenching my fists, waiting nervously for their reaction.  
It's just like Alice's was.  
" _What!?"_  
Remus sits up, face incredulous, Peter pales, eyes wide, and Sirius jumps up off his bed with a snarl.  
James is nowhere to be seen.

"I'm leaving."  
Sirius starts to pace up and down between the beds, fists clenched, eyes dangerous.  
"You're...what?"  
"I said I'm going."  
"Yes, I know. You're going to the Leaky Cauldron, and then you might leave the magical world but... _why_?"  
"I can't do it anymore."  
"But...you can't leave...you can't!"  
Remus looks close to tears.  
"What about us?"  
Peter is biting his lip fiercely, big eyes watery and worried.

"Forget us!" Sirius snaps. "What about _James_?"  
I wince as he directs his piercing glare at me.  
"What about James? Huh, Evans? Found a block in your ingenious thought process? What about _James_?"  
" _He_ left _me_!"  
"Because _you_ left _him_!"  
"Do you think I don't know that?" I shout, eyes blazing. "Do you think I don't know that it's my fault? Do you think I don't _regret_ it?! Well, I do, Sirius, I do, every minute of the goddamn day! So don't you _dare_ ask me what about James, because I have spent the past hour when I was supposed to be in Charms crying my eyes out because I can't cope anymore! I'm so busy caring about James and everybody else that I've forgotten to care about _me_! I can't do this anymore, Sirius, not like this, and you are _not_ going to pressure me into staying here. Because if I stay here for much longer, there's not going to be a Lily to worry about!"

I don't know what happens for a second, and then Sirius is hugging me, rubbing my back as I cry into his shoulder.  
"Hey, hey, it's _okay_ , Lily. I'm sorry...it's fine...I'm so sorry. Shh...it's okay."  
"It's not." I sob. "It's not okay."  
"No," He pulls away, looking me directly in my bloodshot green eyes. "No, it's not okay. It's not okay at all."  
I hiccough, wiping my eyes with my sleeve, then remember something.  
"Would one of you mind getting my wand when you get the chance? It's with my robes."  
"Where are they?"  
"Out in the grounds. I went there after I left Charms."  
"Right."

Remus passes me a handkerchief, and I take it gratefully, blowing my nose.  
"I'm know I've already asked, but what about James, Lilybug? How are you going to tell him?"  
"I've written him a note." I fish around my pocket for it, and hold it out to him. "Would you mind making sure that he gets it?"  
"Of course." He takes it from me, and Remus puts a comforting arm around me as my tears subside.

 _James,  
I don't know what to write.  
I had it all planned out, you know, what I was going to write, but now it's all gone. __Sirius said he'd make sure that you get this, and he also said that I should have told you this in person. But I sorry, I can't. I wouldn't have been able to._ _  
_

 _I'm leaving. Leaving Hogwarts. I'm staying at the Leaky Cauldron for the weekend, and if everything goes well, or not so well, I'll be leaving the magical world entirely. I know you probably don't care, but I just wanted to let you know.  
If it means anything, I'm sorry for leaving at Christmas. I also want to thank you for catching me in the Hall the other day. That would have left a killer bruise.  
I'm sorry too. You know, for everything else.  
I also want to say thank you for the peppermint hot chocolate. It is now my all-time favourite drink.  
Have a great seventh year, and win the Quidditch World Cup for Gryffindor!  
Lots of love,  
Lily x_

 **I like cliffhangers.  
Reviews make me update faster!  
I hope you liked it! Next chapter is Lily in Muggle London!  
See you next time,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx  
**


	56. Empty

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. *sighs disappointedly*  
A/N: Hiya, thank you to everyone who reviewed for my last chapter. Now, quick question, I'm just curious, but how old do you guys reckon I am? It would be cool to see what you think.  
Now that bout of randomness is over, enjoy the chapter! xx**

When I wake up in the Leaky Cauldron the next morning, I feel strangely empty.  
Empty, and slightly hollow, like there's something missing.  
I feel like I could stay in bed forever, not moving, wallowing self-deprecatingly.  
Still, I get up, yawning and stretch, going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Brushing my hair, I put on a white blouse with a pale pink skirt and tights, and pack up my handbag with what I'll need for the day. After pulling my favourite cream jumper, I sling my bag over my shoulder, eyeing my wand on my bedside table mistrustfully, and stop next the dressing table, hand automatically reaching out for my charm bracelet. My hand hovers over where it sits, lying on top of my plain white handkerchief.  
I couldn't decide whether to bring it or not last night, while I was packing. I finally wrapped it up and slid it into the front pocket of my satchel, trying not to feel guilty, fifteen minutes later.

Biting my lip, I walk past it, tucking my bracelet-less hand into my pocket.

"Morning, Lily!"  
"Good morning."  
As soon as I get down to the bar, the nice witch from two doors along beckons me over to sit with her, so I take the seat gratefully, not wanting to sit alone. Shaking my head at her offer of toast, I sip my coffee and try to ignore how good her breakfast looks, deciding to buy something to eat later. When I've finished my coffee, I stand up, bid the kind woman goodbye, and walk out of the Muggle side of the Leaky Cauldron; I changed over most of my wizarding money last night.

The shops are as busy as can be expected on a Saturday morning, streets bustling, car horns blaring out over the indistinct chatter filling the high street. Blinking rapidly and stepping out of the way of a few shoppers, I shake my head to clear my daydream and set off down the street, hand hovering protectively over my handbag. After a few minutes, I spot a promising-looking coffee shop, and turn to go and enter, but I am knocked backwards by a pretty dark-haired lady, who stops to steady me.  
"Oh, sorry, hon... _Lily_?"  
Her voice is incredulous, and I squint at her.  
" _Marjorie_?"  
"Oh, how _are_ you?"  
She embraces me lightly, kissing me on the cheek, and I smile widely.  
"I'm fine, thank you. Wow, I haven't seen you in what, five years?"  
"Oh, of course. You went off to that boarding school in Scotland, didn't you?"  
Marjorie was one of Petunia's friends from primary school.  
"Yes. You look excellent."  
The woman flashes me the sight of her left hand, showing off her engagement ring, which is about a big as a Puffskein.  
"Ooooh, who's the lucky fellow?"  
"John Griffiths. Wonderful man, manager of his own DIY business."  
I frown, trying not to smile.  
"So, where are you off to?"  
"I'm going to see Petunia, funnily enough. We're meeting up for tea at the Tailor's Teapot, just down the road. You're welcome to join us, if you like."  
"I..." I take a second, hesitating, and she seems to take my silence as an answer.  
"Excellent. Let's go, then."

Linking arms with me, Marjorie starts to drag an only slightly protesting me along with her.  
The tea shop is grand and sophisticated, and I feel small and under-dressed as Marjorie pulls me over to a small table in back, where none other than my favourite sister sits, blonde hair in an elegant French knot, designer heels worth more than our entire old house. As soon as she sees me, she lets out a little horrified gasp, and I bite my lip, looking at her apologetically.

"Oh, hallo, Petunia."  
"Ah...hello Marjorie." She says regally, completely ignoring my existence.  
"It's simply splendid to see you. I bumped into dear Lily this morning, and she practically _begged_ to come along."  
I roll my eyes.  
"Isn't that... _lovely_." Petunia seems to swallow back a rude retort, and I start to fidget with the tablecloth as we sit down.  
"Tea and crumpets for three, please." Marjorie waves her hand absently at the waiter who comes over to take our order, and he bows his head before going to get it for her.

"So, Petunia, dear, how is darling Vernon?"  
"He is...excited for the wedding."  
"Oh how wonderful. Now, Lily, are you engaged."  
"Not yet, no."  
"Lily's boyfriend is a bit, ahem, _different_. He is unemployed, you see. Living off benefits."  
"He is not."  
My voice is low, and quiet, humming with anger.  
"No?"  
"No, Petunia _dearest._ He is not."  
"So tell me, Lily _darling_ , what is so special about...Jimmy, was it?"  
Her voice is cold, biting, and Marjorie's head swivels back and forth, peering at us curiously, like she's watching a violent tennis match.  
"James." I hiss. "James Potter, and he is studying at the moment. Top of his class."  
"Oh, really? I could swear that he didn't seem too bright."  
"That's rich, coming from the fiancée of that fat old walrus."

It explodes from my mouth before I can stop it, and Marjorie gasps, looking panicked.  
"I think I'll go. It was nice to see you, Marjorie."  
I turn and storm out of the restaurant, wringing my hands, breathing furiously, wishing all the more that I had someone to comfort me.  
After that, it takes an hour of high-speed walking to finally calm me down.

 **Reviews make me update faster, don't forget!  
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I hope you liked it.  
Adios,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	57. Regretful

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. How...** ** _disappointing_** **.  
A/N: I am ****_so_** **grateful for ALL of your reviews! Keep 'em coming!  
(Also, I am not 16. Sorry about that!) :)  
Enjoy xx**

It's bitterly cold on Sunday, and most of the shops aren't open, so I walk down to Leicester Square. It's bustling with people, like Tom said it would be, so I sit down on a vacated bench and pull out my book, red hair fluttering in the breeze. Half an hour later, I stand up, legs wobbly, and stroll around the base of the monument, admiring it, before walking off to find somewhere to get some breakfast.

Two cups of coffee and three pain-au-chocolat later, I walk back to the Leaky Cauldron, hand hovering protectively over my now virtually empty purse. As I pass the electronics shop next door, I catch a snatch of a conversation as two snooty-looking women stride past.  
"Filled with Muggles and Mudbloods, as usual! I do hate London!"  
"And I do hate people who break the Statue of Secrecy." I mutter quietly, but apparently not quietly enough, because one of the women whirls around, face sharp. I step backwards as I recognise her, hand going to my pocket for my wand, but of course it's not there.

"Look who it is, the Mudblood Evans."  
"Bellatrix Black."  
"What are you doing so far away from home?"  
"I don't think that's any of your business, quite frankly."  
"Ah, well, you see, Mudblood, it is too my business."  
"Really? How's that?"  
"If you're going to make smart remarks like that, then you shouldn't be ashamed of them."  
"If anything, you should be ashamed. How _dare_ you call me a Mudblood, like it's an insult to have to work twice as hard to get anywhere in wizarding world. How _dare_ you call me a Mudblood, all because my parents can't just buy me a job, and I might have to work for one. How _dare_ you call me a Mudblood, when, let's face it, I'm twice the witch you'll ever be!"  
"How dare you speak to me, you filthy little-"  
"Mudblood? Possibly?"  
The witch next to the her snorts, and I squint at her, trying to think where I've seen her before.  
"Do you think this is _funny_ , Andromeda?"  
"Just a tad, Bella."

Bellatrix lets out a snarl, whirling around to face her sister, who I now recognise, and Andromeda Black winks at me, then jerks her head to the side discreetly. Smiling gratefully at her, I take the hint and quickly disappear into the crowd, slipping in front of a large group of shoppers, all carrying what seems like hundreds of shopping bags. My hand drifts to my pocket again, fingers reaching out to hold my wand and closing on empty air. I feel lonely, vulnerable, _unstable_ without my wand. It was my one source of something magical at home, and my anchor at school, the one thing that I could rely on to always work, always help me if I needed it.  
And I chucked it away.  
A wave of remorse hits me like a punch in the gut, and I stop in the middle of the street, causing the shoppers to curse under their breath and swerve around me.

I left it behind. Not just it, but Hogwarts, and Charms and Exploding Snap and Sugar Quills.  
The Gryffindor common room and the Heads' dorm and the Great Hall and the _library_.  
The thrill of perfecting a new spell and the joy at seeing my Patronus and piggyback rides and late-night swims in the lake.  
Early mornings with hot chocolates on the table and laughing rides on the Hogwarts Express and cosy nights in front of the fire.  
 _Alice_ , and _Sirius,_ and _Remus_ and _Peter.  
James._

I suck in a breath, ragged and gasping, head spinning, and I need to calm down, I know I do, so I start walking automatically towards the Leaky Cauldron, or where I think it is, and bump into someone, apologising quietly. Pushing open the door, I ignore Tom's call of "Lily!", and run up the stairs, along the corridor, into my room, slamming the door. I start to pace, which is something I obviously picked up from James, and the repetitive movements help, so my breathing evens out, becoming deep and slow, like I'm relaxed.  
I'm not relaxed.  
My book doesn't help; I can't focus. Drawing is out of the question; my hands are shaking too much for me to draw anything.

Eventually, I kick my shoes off and curl up on my bed, pulling he duvet over me, ignoring the oppressive heat. The covers envelope me, like a hug, like a pat on the back, and it makes me feel mildly better, like the sight of a chair when you've been walking for hours, or a cup of icy lemonade on a really hot day. Breathing normally again, I lay back against the headboard, staring at the ceiling, riding the wave of emotions flowing through me like a professional surfer. The sunlight streams in through the window like a friendly wave, and the idea of that makes me smile, that even the sun wants me to get up.

So I do.  
I pull the covers off and take a minute, composing myself, then slip my shoes on, ready to go back out again. I'm just counting out the last of my remaining money to put in my purse when there's a knock on the door; housekeeping.  
"Just a second!"  
Scrambling around, I shove the rest of my coins into the bottom of my bag and run over to the door, pulling it open so that the breeze blows my hair back. "I'll be leaving in a second, I've just got to..."  
I fall silent.

The man at my door is James Potter.

 **I have written a haiku, on how much I like cliffhangers. Would you like to hear it?  
**

 **I'm guessing you know.** **  
But I like cliffhangers lots.  
Cliffhangers are great.  
**

 **Thank you, and reviews make me update faster! As you can probably tell!  
** **Adios, Buenos noches and all of the above,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	58. Awkward

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. It's a surprise, I know.  
A/N: Once again, thank you VERY much for all of your lovely reviews, keep them up.  
Oh, and Megan? I am trying to battle my cliffhanger problem, but the doctors say that there is no cure. Besides, it's way more fun to leave you guys and girls in suspense! ;)  
** **Okay, so I reckon there's going to be four/five chapters left? It depends.  
** **Enjoy xx  
**

 _"I'll be leaving in a second, I've just got to..."_  
 _I fall silent.  
_ _The man at my door is James Potter._

I think I've forgotten how to breathe.  
"Hi."  
"Um...urghh."  
I think I've forgotten how to speak too.  
"Can I come in?"  
"I...err...yeah, yeah, of course. Sorry."  
I move out of the way to let him in, and he sits down on the edge of my bed. Suddenly I'm horribly aware of how crumpled I look.

There's an awkward silence, and I have to break it.  
"So...how are you?"  
"Pretty goddamn heartbroken."  
"Ah. Right."  
I start to fiddle with the hem of my skirt, and he looks at me suddenly, the intensity of his gaze taking my breath away.  
"Why did you leave?"  
"What?"  
"Why did you leave?"  
"I had to."  
"You had to?"  
"There was nothing to stay for."  
Wrong thing to say.

"Nothing to stay for? _Nothing to stay for_?! What about Sirius and Remus? What about Alice and Frank and Mar? What about _me_?"  
"I didn't think you cared!" I flare up instinctively, fists clenched.  
"Why on _earth_ would you think that?"  
"Because you ignored me for _months_!"  
"You were the one who left, remember?"  
"No, you were the one who left! _You_ left me with Diggory. _You_ left me alone. _You_ left me, because I wanted to go back to school!"  
"You avoided me!"  
"No, I stayed away from you because I didn't want to get hurt!"  
"I wouldn't have hurt you!"  
"You don't get it, do you?"  
"No! I don't! Pray, tell me what's going on?"  
"I didn't leave because of _you._ I left, because I didn't want to be part of the magical world anymore."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Magic made Petunia hate me! Magic killed my parents! Magic made me meet _you_!"  
"And what, that was a bad thing?!"  
"Maybe it was!" I yell, eyes blazing, face screwed up and red with anger.  
"Fine." James snarls, hazel eyes suddenly bright. "Fine."

He turns and storms out, slamming the door behind him, and I stay standing there for a minute, breathing heavily.  
Then I slide to the ground, angry and confused, shoulders shaking with suppressed emotion.

* * *

"So you're going back to Hogwarts?"  
"Yes, please Tom." I say patiently, and he smiles, cheeks ruddy.  
"Splendid. I knew you'd come around. You can Floo back to Minnie's office in a minute."  
"My trunk-"  
"I'll have sent back to school too. Don't worry about it. Now, have you got everything from your room?"  
I hold up a bag, and he laughs. "Prepared, aren't we? Alright, just this way."  
Leading me into the backroom, he hands me the pot of Floo powder.  
"Here we are, Lily. Enjoy your last year, and don't panic when it comes to the NEWTs."  
"I'll try." I smile at him, grateful. "Thank you for letting me stay."  
"You're very welcome. Now, best be off, if you're quick you'll back in time for lunch."  
"Bye!"

I've never liked travelling by Floo Powder, but as I shoot out of the fireplace in Professor McGonagall's office, it's worth it to see her face when I spray soot all over her carpet.  
"Miss Evans!"  
"Good afternoon, Professor."  
"I see you have returned. Is this to be a permanent stay?"  
"Yes, Professor."  
"Excellent. Now, do try not to get so much soot on the rug."  
"Sorry, Professor. Am I still to stay in the Heads' dorm?"  
"Yes, of course."  
"Good, thank you."  
"Go off to lunch, now, Miss Evans."  
"Yes. Thank you, Professor."  
"Oh, and Miss Evans?"  
"Yes?"  
"It's nice to see you."  
"And you, Professor."

Shouldering my bag, I leave the office and head straight to the Gryffindor common room. As I approach, the Fat Lady exclaims in surprise.  
"Miss Evans! You have returned!"  
"Yes, I have indeed."  
"Ooooh, they will be pleased! Go in then, go on!"  
Without waiting for the password, she swings open and lets me in.  
The familiar sight of my friends sitting by the fire, their backs to me, gives me courage, and I walk quietly over to them. They're playing  
chess, and it's Sirius' move.  
"I could go there..." He mutters, only half to himself. "Or there..."  
"I'd go D5, and or he'll take your queen."  
I advise him, plonking myself down on the hearth rug, and they all turn as one.  
"Lily!"  
"Hello." I grin, and I'm instantly smothered in hugs.  
"I said you'd come back!" Alice crows triumphantly, and Mar claps her hands happily.  
"Um...do you know where James is?"  
"He went off somewhere earlier, but I think he's in the dormitory now."  
"Right, thank you. I'll be down in a minute, and we can catch up, okay?"  
"Hurry then!"

I stand up, dropping my bag on the sofa, and turn to go, but Sirius stops me, and pulls me into a warm hug.  
"We missed you, Lilybug."  
"I missed you guys so much. All of you."  
He lets go, smiling widely, and I beam at him, before waving and running up the stairs to the seventh year boys' dorm.  
I take a moment steeling myself, and take a deep breath, then turn the door knob.

 **Wow. I definitely need help with my cliffhanger problem.  
I hope you liked it! Keep reviewing!  
Asante,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	59. Frozen

**Happy Lily and James Death Day! Or, to normal, non-obsessed people, Happy Halloween!  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I wouldn't have written most of this chapter on the back of an aeroplane sick bag. (It wasn't used, don't worry.)  
A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Everyone! Thank you!  
Also...*ahem*...I'm sorry.  
You'll see what I mean.  
Try your best to enjoy? xx**

 _I take a moment steeling myself, and take a deep breath, then turn the door knob_.  
The boys' dorm is a mess of dirty clothes and sweet wrappers, duvets on the floor and pillows all over the place apart from one bed, which I'm guessing is Remus'. James is lying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling, chucking a Quaffle up in the air and catching it.  
"What?" He snaps, without looking over.  
"I hadn't finished."  
"I don't care."  
"Evidently." I lash out in retort, and he sits up, turning to look at me with bloodshot eyes.  
"Look, Evans, there's nothing you can say to take back what you said back there."  
"I know that."  
"You do?"  
"Yep. And yet I still came back."

"What, come back to say goodbye?"  
"No, I'm staying. For good, this time. I've learnt that you can't run away from your problems. You have to face them head-on."  
"Is that what you're going to do with me, Evans? You think you can just solve me, like I'm one of your Potions problems? That's what you were going to do, wasn't it? Then probably run off to Fenwick to make yourself feel better."  
"How _dare_ you." I hiss. "You came after _me_!"  
"Oh yeah?" He laughs, but it's an empty sound, devoid of happiness. "Says Miss I just ran along back to James because I'm not used to him being mad at me!"  
"I'm not _used_ to being mad at me? You spend half your time being mad at me!"  
"You're the one who always starts the arguments!"  
"Me? You dumped me like I was _nothing_ because I came back to Hogwarts!"  
"That was different-"  
"How, James? _How?_ How was _that_ different?"  
"You left!"  
"You were flirting with _Anne_!"  
"That wasn't my fault!"

"No." My voice is quiet now, deadly. "But me leaving was entirely your fault, James. You stepping down as Head Boy...I have to share with _Diggory_!"  
"So? I thought you were supposed to be sensible! Ignore him!"  
"Is that what you would have done? No!"  
"You're not me!"  
"No," I shake my head. "No, I'm not."  
I take a deep breath and steel myself.  
"James, when was the last time you saw me come down for dinner?"  
"You came down everyday!"  
"Firstly, no. I didn't. And secondly, fine. I did go a few times. But, _James,_ when was the last time you saw me eat downstairs?"  
"That...that...that's irrelevant!"  
"No, it's probably the most relevant thing I've said so far. Face it, Potter. I needed you, and you weren't there. End of story."

"So why did you come back? Not to Hogwarts, that's not what I mean. I mean, why did you come up here to talk to me, if I'm so awful?"  
"That doesn't matter-"  
"Yes, it does. It matters a lot."  
"I didn't have to come back, you know! But I did."  
"Why? Why did you come back?"  
"Because I care!"  
"You care? But I'm so awful! Why do you care?"  
There's a second of horrible, palpable silence, and I reach into my pocket, where the charm bracelet sits, waiting. The cool metal is soothing against my sweaty palms, like a kiss from the giver himself.

"What happened to us?" I say softly. "Lily Evans and James Potter, the ultimate 'Will they, Won't they' couple of Hogwarts. We were so... _in love._ Do you remember," I ask, eyes fixed on his. "In second year, you made a bet with Alice. Said that you'd make me laugh until I cried before Christmas Then you told me the most _awful_ joke about a troll and a banshee who go into a bar, and I'd never laughed so hard in my life."  
"That's your argument?" He smirks. "The fact that I told you a joke that I stole from Sirius?"  
"You're _horrible_." I snarl, and I pull the charm bracelet out of my pocket, make sure he can see it, and let it drop to the floor. "I can't believe I even waste my breath talking to you."  
"Seems to me that you're wasting more breath evading my question. Why did you come up here if I'm so horrible?"  
"Potter-"  
"Why?"  
"I swear-"  
"Why? Why do you care?"

It explodes from my mouth before I can stop it.  
"Because I'm in love with you, you _prat_!"  
He pales. "What?"  
"I'm in love with you, James Potter, and it's stupid because you're _despicable_!"  
"You...you love me?"  
"What do _you_ think?"  
"But...you can't!" He says hoarsely.  
"Too bad, because I do."  
"No, you don't understand. You _can't,_ Evans! Argh! Why do you always have to...mess me up?"  
Shaking his head, he looks at me angrily. "Just get _out_."  
I don't hesitate to do so, wiping away my tears on the sleeve of my cardigan.

The sofa in the common room creaks as I sit down on it, and Remus studies my face worriedly, before looping his arm around shoulder and pulling me into a sideways hug. Sirius and Peter are still playing chess, and Alice is sitting on Frank's lap in a nearby armchair. We sit there for a minute, Sirius yelling at his pawn for being an imbecilic piece of plastic, then a painting on the wall that I vaguely recognise of a portly man in a waistcoat, smoking a pipe, calls out loudly to us.

"I say, may I let in the Hufflepuff lass?"  
"Go ahead." Peter answers absent-mindedly, pondering his next move with a frown on his face. I notice Sirius' shoulders square, and Remus suddenly stiffens.  
"Lily-"  
The portrait hole creaks open just as _he_ comes down the stairs, and a pretty, willowy girl in Hufflepuff robes sashays in, brushing her light blonde hair out of her eyes.  
"Hello James!" She cries out, and he smiles brightly, like our argument never happened at all.  
"Hi darling."  
 _Darling_?  
They kiss lightly on the lips and leave, hand-in-hand.

Remus says something but I don't hear him.  
I just sit there, rooted to the spot, ice coursing through my veins.  
Frozen.

 ***smiles evilly*  
She-who-is-vaguely-apologetic-about-this xx  
(Many things, Megan. Many things.)**


	60. Mopey

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. Neither is Sirius. Unfortunately.  
A/N: Thank you to, *deep breath*, Guests, Megan, Choc0 Chipz (nice name), TartCat207, thirteenth soul, YouBlitheringIdiot (great name), Thirteenthphoenix, i3jily, Awesomeness620 and everybody else who has reviewed, favourited or followed! Sorry if I missed you out!  
WARNING: Moping ahead! Also, cliffhanger! Which you were probably expecting at this point.  
Enjoy xx**

Elizabeth Darren.  
What a stupid name.  
She's lovely, too. That's what's horrible.  
If she was horrible, she'd be easier to hate.  
James asked her out a few days ago, in the middle of the Great Hall at breakfast, while I was still away.  
I don't care.

I care. Way too much.  
It's over, I have to accept that.  
I'm trying.  
It's hard, but I'm talking to Sirius and Remus and Peter and even James occasionally, though it's only ever small talk.  
She's blonde and has pretty blue eyes and perfect skin and would look great in a bin bag. She wears make-up and she knows how to make it look pulls her skirt up and gets good grades and is polite and kind and a Prefect.  
She doesn't have red hair and weird green eyes and doesn't argue with everyone. She doesn't have a quick temper and doesn't have panic attacks and isn't spending most of her time studying. She isn't me, and James doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems to quite like it.  
I don't care.

Diggory asked me out earlier, and I bit my lip as I looked at him.  
"I'm sorry?"  
"I asked if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me?"  
"I'm afraid I don't understand."  
"Hogsmeade, at the weekend? Do you want to come or not?"  
"Yes please." I mutter, and he freezes.  
"You would? Look, the thing is, babe, I actually-"  
"You just ask me for my reaction, don't you?"  
I'm not even sad.  
"It's just funny, sometimes, that's all..."  
"Okay, Diggory." My voice is quiet, and confident. "I'm glad we've straightened that out."

Charms is uneventful, and nothing really happens until I take a detour before Transfiguration to go to the bathroom, and run into Snape.  
"Potter left you then, Lily? I told you so."  
"I don't care." I hiss suddenly, whirling around to look at him. "I don't care that you told me so, I don't care. I'd rather have loved and been hurt than never loved at all."  
"You...you loved him?" He looks like he's about to faint.  
"Yeah, I did." _I still do_ lingers on my lips, but I purse them together and regard him sharply. "And I'm proud of it."  
"Proud?" He now looks like he's about to be sick.  
"Yes. I'm proud, proud that I loved James Potter, proud that I let him in, proud that I finally let go of my prejudice against him and his friends. Yes, Severus, I'm _proud_."  
"How?" He snarls, greasy hair flying. "How can you be...proud, of associating with scum like _them_?"  
"Scum?" My voice raises slightly in volume, and I narrow my eyes dangerously. "Scum? They're the scum? Not you and  
your Death Eater pals who'd kill me in a heartbeat?"  
"They're not-"  
"Not Death Eaters? Wouldn't kill me? Oh, don't make me laugh." I snap. "I'm a Mudblood, remember?"  
"Don't call yourself that!"  
"Why not? It's true, isn't it? I'm a Mudblood. A Mudblood, and proud of it. Because I'm ten times the person that any of you will ever be."

With that, I turn off my heel and walk off to Transfiguration, smiling slightly to myself, plaits dancing around my shoulders. It takes two boring lessons and a sudden rainstorm during Care of Magical Creatures to diminish my proud smile, and it's only Sirius coming up to me as we go down to dinner that makes me properly frown.

"Lily? Please don't tell me Diggory's telling the truth and you're going with him to Hogsmeade?"  
"No, I'm not, don't worry. I said yes, and he said he only asked me for this laughs, like I thought."  
"Right. Don't scare me like that again, okay?"  
"I won't." Smiling at me in relief, he goes off to sit with Remus and Peter.  
"Argh..." Alice slumps down on the table as we sit down, and I rub her shoulder soothingly.  
"What's up, Alice?"  
"My brain hurts..."  
"I don't know if I can help with that." I smile. "I'd ask Madam Pomfrey about it."

* * *

Sirius finds me later, in the Astronomy Tower, sitting on the floor when I'm supposed to be doing rounds.  
"Sirius, you should be in bed..." I protest weakly, but he ignores me and sits down, handing me a handkerchief that I take gratefully.  
"I'm not crying." I say stubbornly, and he nods sincerely.  
"Of course you're not. You alright?"  
"Not really."  
He slings his arm around my shoulder and I lean into him.  
"You could try making him jealous."  
We both automatically know who _him_ is.

I shake my head. "I couldn't do it to Darren. She's too nice."  
"Nice? She said that werewolves were foul, evil monsters that deserve to be put down."  
I let out a horrified gasp. "She _didn't_!"  
Sirius laughs bitterly. "I thought I was going to hit her."  
"Did Remus...?"  
"Thank Merlin, no."  
"James doesn't know, does he?"  
"No." Sirius looks up at me. "He would've broken up with her."  
"Yeah, he would've."

"So..." Sirius asked tentatively. "Are you going to...?"  
"Why?" I think out loud. "Why would you help me, if it would hurt James?"  
"Because you moping makes me sad, and James' girlfriend's a...you're both being idiots, and you need to stop it."  
" I am not _moping_!"  
He looks at me, one eyebrow raised, down at the cup of ice cream in my hands and back up to my tear-stained face.  
"Fine. What are you suggesting?"  
He explains his idea, and I look at him, shocked.  
" _What?"_

 **Here we go! One cliffhanger, as promised! What do you think Sirius' idea is?  
OKAY, readers! I'm looking for a good name for my story Constellations, which is a Regulus/OC story and is up now! It is for a Slytherin, and I'm open to boy or girl names! Got any good ideas, pop 'em in a review.  
Thank you!  
Adios,  
She-who-is-quite-sorry-about-this-and-will-now-not-use-the-word-vaguely-ever-again xx**


	61. Sassy

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. Sorry kids.**

 **A/N: Dear Guest who so kindly reviewed so many times so very kindly,**  
 **I am deeply sorry for making you cry.**  
 **I hope you enjoy this chapter, in which all shall be revealed about Sirius' plan.**  
 **I also have a secret for you.**  
 **So, you know I have written a sequel for this story already?**  
 **Well, I am thinking of writing another one, set further on in seventh year.**  
 **In which there is much drama and action and Jily fluff.**  
 **What do you think? That does mean that this story will end soon, but it will just continue a bit later in the year in the sequel.**  
 **This A/N has gone on for quite a while, so I'm going to stop writing this now.**  
 **A sneak peek** **for the sequel will be at the bottom of this chapter.**  
 **Thank you very much, everyone!**  
 **Enjoy xx  
(Oh, and Awesomeness620? Congratulations.) **

* * *

Sirius and I walk hand in hand into the Great Hall the next morning.  
"This is a _terrible_ plan." I hiss in his ear.  
"Come on, have a little faith, Lilybug."  
I sigh, and he bumps me with his shoulder as we approach the table. "It'll be fine."  
Our friends look at us with comically open mouths.  
"Lily-" Alice starts.  
"Later Alice." I swing my legs over the bench and stuff my bag under the table. "Please."  
Pouring milk into my goblet, I down it in one go and reach for some toast, ignoring the fact that everyone else is still staring at us.

Potter is sitting a little bit down the table with Peter and Elizabeth, and I can't help sneaking a look at him as I pick up the butter.  
He's glaring at Sirius with the kind of venom that he reserves for Death Eaters and Snape, and Sirius is oddly subdued, eating with less of his normal vigour when it comes to breakfast. Alice, meanwhile, is looking at me with a confused look in her eyes, and Remus is staring at Sirius like he's trying to puzzle him out. However over by Peter, Elizabeth lets out a gasp.

"Oh! So you two are together now!"  
We're all silent.  
"You are _way_ better suited than Lily and James were."  
I tense, and Elizabeth's goblet tips, spilling juice all over her breakfast. Sirius squeezes my hand under the table, but it wasn't me.  
Potter's eyes are blazing as he stares determinedly at the table.  
So it bothered him too.  
So much that he performed accidental magic.  
Huh.

* * *

"Tell me, _Lizzie_ , what do you think of werewolves?"  
I ask sweetly, perched reluctantly on Sirius' lap in the common room. Remus, who's reading on the sofa next to me, tenses, and I put my hand on his arm comfortingly. Potter's at Quidditch practice, but for some reason she's in our common room.  
"They're monsters." She says calmly. "They deserve to be put down."  
Sirius takes in a sharp intake of breath and hisses in my ear warningly.  
"Lily..."  
I ignore him and slip off his lap.  
"So, _Lizzie_ , if James was a werewolf, what would you do?"  
"Break up with him." She says instantly. "Werewolves don't deserve anyone to love them."  
Remus stands up, shaking, and leaves, and I feel a pang of guilt as I watch him go.

Standing up, I stalk towards her, and Sirius grabs my wrist but I shake him off.  
"I disagree. And," I add, "So would Potter."  
"Ah," She smirks smugly. "But James agrees with me."  
"He wouldn't."  
"Well, he does."  
"You know what I think?" My voice is quiet but deadly, and if she was smart she'd start backtracking _now_. "You know what I think, _Lizzie_? I think you're a liar. Potter would never agree with you, not on that."  
"What, and he'd agree with you? Lily Evans, Hogwarts' biggest slut?"  
Behind me, Sirius stands up.  
"Get out."  
I'm shaking; I don't think I've ever been this angry before. "Get out of this common room _now_."  
"You can't tell me to do that-"  
"Oh yes I can. I'm Head Girl, remember? Get out."  
"But James-"  
"I don't care if Dumbledore _himself_ gave you permission. Get _out_!""  
"What, is the little Mudblood jealous?"  
Sirius lets out a furious snarl.

I step forwards and punch her square on the nose.  
"I said _get out_!"  
She scurries out, hand over her nose, and I sink back down into the sofa, fuming. The common room is silent for a minute, everyone looking at me, and then one first year exclaims, "You punched her!"  
"Well spotted." Sirius mutters, and I smack him on the arm.  
"Yes, yes I did. I punched Elizabeth Darren because she is a very nasty girl, who called me something not very nice. Maybe I shouldn't have punched her, but I'm not sorry that I did. Now, if you'll excuse me, I hurt someone, and I need to go and apologise."  
Head held high, I stand up and walk regally out of the common room.

Remus is exactly where I knew he'd be, curled up at the foot of the one of the cupboards in the Astronomy Tower. Without speaking, I settle down next to him. "I'm sorry Remus."  
Silence.  
"I shouldn't have asked her. I was angry, and I'm so _so_ sorry."  
Silence.  
"I punched her, if that helps."  
Remus looks up, face ashen.  
"The thing is, she's right."  
"No," I murmur, filled with dread. "No, Remus, that's not true-"  
"It is! I'm a monster! Who could ever love... _this_?!"  
He gestures to the scars across his face, and I pull him into a hug as he sobs into my shirt.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you Evans?" James storms into the library two hours later, ignoring Madam Pince's glare.  
"What's wrong with me, what's wrong with your girlfriend?" I say loftily, flicking through a textbook.  
"You punched her!""  
"Oh, she told you about that then."  
"Yeah, she did! Look, I get that you're jealous, but-"  
I snort. "Jealous? Of what? Your ridiculous hair? Nope, Potter, I prefer my own." I flick my hair behind my shoulder and keep writing.  
"Just stay away from her, Evans." He snarls, turning around to go, and I call out to him.  
"She called me a Mudblood, you know."  
He stops.  
"You probably don't care."  
"You're right, I don't."  
"I always thought you were the kind of person who was against, you know, bigoted remarks? Apparently not."  
"I am, but...it's just..."  
"It's just what?"  
"Nothing." He shakes his head. "Nothing. Just leave me alone, Evans."  
"Remember, Potter." I call out, and he looks at me. "I may not have learnt much from you, but I have learnt this.  
Just because a lion says it's a mouse doesn't make it a mouse.  
Just because someone's a Slytherin doesn't make them evil.  
Just because someone's a Gryffindor doesn't make them brave.  
Just because Sirius is a Black doesn't make him bigoted.  
Just because Remus is a werewolf doesn't make him a monster.  
Just because James Potter seems nice doesn't mean he is.  
Just because Lily Evans seems perfect doesn't mean she is.  
Just because your girlfriend seems lovely doesn't mean she is. Remember that."

I dip my quill in my ink again and underline my title. Potter stands there quietly for a minute, and then blurts out,  
"You and Sirius aren't even right for each other!"  
I smile at him, sweetly, and put on a exasperated voice, primed for the kill. "I searched _everywhere_."  
"What?"  
"I went through loads of books."  
"Huh?"  
"I went through my trunk and all of your letters."  
"What are you-"  
"I even went through my wardrobe!"  
I grin. "Yet I still couldn't find where I asked for your opinion."  
With that I stand up, pack my things away and swing my bag over my shoulder, leaving the library with a triumphant smile on my face.

 **Ooooh! I think James is going to have to go to Madam Pomfrey for that sick burn!  
Okay, in all seriousness, Lily is starting to get sassy now. She's mad, and it's showing!  
If you're interested, which hopefully you are, here's a sneak peek for the sequel! (Lily's POV, as always!)**

I surface from the Pensieve with a gasp.  
"Wow."  
"Wow? _Wow?_ Whatever that was, Lily, that was not _wow_." James looks at me, outraged, and I smile.  
"The use of the Imperius Curse was pretty effective." I fold my arms and look appreciatively down at the swirling strand of James' memory. "I was pretty vulnerable. They had good timing. It's a shame, really," I add as an afterthought.  
"We'd probably be friends if they weren't trying to kill me." _  
_

 **Yep! It's got drama! Okay, bye!  
She-who-will-update-soon-if-you-keep-reviewing-please-and-thank-you xx**


	62. Terrifying

**Disclaimer: Yes, no, I don't own Harry Potter.  
Guys.  
I just realised something.  
In the last chapter, there wasn't a cliffhanger.  
I know what you're thinking: What? No ****_cliffhanger_** **! What a** ** _shame_** **!  
Guess what that means!  
CLIFFHANGER TIME!  
Also, do you want me to post the sequel now, or wait until I've finished this story? I'm ready it do it either way.  
Enjoy xx**

I'm a woman on a mission.  
I'm only acting slightly terrifying.  
Okay, so I did scare Sirius yesterday. I slammed my book down so hard on the table that he screamed like a girl and fell off the sofa.  
It was only a little bit hilarious.

Potter isn't talking to me, but he's bragging to everyone that'll listen that him and dearest _Lizzie_ are in a 'proper, real relationship.'  
What were we? Friends with benefits?  
In retaliation, I am as nice to him as I possibly can be. It's scaring him, I know, and that makes me happy.  
"Hello, James, dear!" I smile sweetly at him as he passes me in the corridor, and _Lizzie_ ushers him away like my evilness is contagious.  
"When are you going to leave him alone?" Peter asks me, as we wait outside of Charms.  
"Never."

Sirius grabs my hand as we leave the classroom an hour later, and it doesn't feel as weird as it did last week. He's my good friend, and holding his hand feels comforting.  
Nothing like holding James'.  
But I digress.  
Remus bumps me with his shoulder as we go down to the Great Hall for lunch and I turn to look at him.  
"Yeah?"  
He's trying to conceal a smile. "Look at Elizabeth."  
I do so, going on my tiptoes to peer over the person in front's shoulder, and let out a giggle.  
She's tried to dye her hair red, and it looks _terrible_.  
"Why did she do that?"  
"Because she wants to look like _you_."  
"Why would she want to...but...he doesn't like me anymore." I demand, though it's more of a question that a statement.  
Remus sighs. "Okay, Lily. You just keep telling yourself that."  
"What's _that_ supposed to mean? Remus?"  
He pushes past me into the Great Hall, a small smile on his face, and Sirius grins as we go to sit down.  
"You really don't get it, do you, Lilybug?"  
"Get what? Honestly, one of these days, I'm going to behead the lot of you."  
"Nah, you love me too much to do that." He winks at me, and I force back my laugh.  
"Sirius Black, you are insufferable!"  
"That's why you like me."  
We're still playfully bickering as I shove my bag under the table and reach for the plate of rolls at the same time that Potter does. He blushes at the same time as I do, and Sirius knocks his goblet over, spilling pumpkin juice all over Peter's plate.  
"You moron, Sirius!" Peter huffs, picking up his dripping plate, but I smile at Sirius gratefully, knowing that he did on purpose.

Alice sits down on my other side. "Budge up, Lils."  
Moving over to give her more space, I bite my lip and look at the roll on my plate and decide I'm not hungry. I pick up my bag, and they all look up at me.  
"Where are you going?"  
"For a walk. I'm not hungry. Besides, I need to go and get my Potions essay."  
"Do you want me to come?" Sirius frowns at me, and Remus and Peter nod as well, looking at me questioningly.  
"No, I'm fine. See you in a bit."  
Sirius squeezes my hand and I leave the Hall, re-adjusting my bag on my shoulder.  
I lied, I don't need to get my Potions essay. I'm just going outside.  
I need to walk.

The air is cold and bitter, and I dig out my scarf from the depths of my bag and wrap it around my neck, burrowing into its warmth. There are a few fourth years down by the lake, so I go the other way, down past Hagrid's hut and towards the outskirts of the Forest. It looks decidedly dark and gloomy, despite the dazzling sun, and I deviate along up to the clearing me and Alice discovered in third year one Saturday. There's a bench there, and I go to sit on it, taking my bag off and laying back slightly, looking at the trees.  
A noise nearby makes me jump, and my hand flies to my pocket, but it's just Sirius, who's pulling something out of a packet.  
"I thought I said I was fine."  
"I know." Sirius nods. "But darling _Lizzie_ was getting on my nerves."  
He sits down next to me and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it with the end of his wand and taking a long drag.

With a sigh, I pluck it out of his mouth and drop it, grinding it under my heel, and then hold out my hand for the packet.  
" _Lily_..." He whines.  
" _Sirius..._ " I imitate him, smiling victoriously. "Hand them over."  
"You're no fun." He pouts, as I vanish the cigarettes with a flick of my wand.  
"Ah, you love me really."  
I lean against him, and he throws his arm around my shoulder.  
"Why did you really come out here, Sirius?"  
"I wanted to make sure that you were okay."  
"Why are you three so protective of me? Beside, you know, my obvious charm and wit."  
He laughs. "Because, no matter what you think, it would kill James if anything happened to you."  
"He doesn't care."  
"Yes, he does."  
"I said I loved him." My voice breaks. "I said I loved him, and he laughed at me."  
"Then this is his fault."  
"No, I shouldn't have said-"  
"You said what he thinks Everytime he looks at you. This is killing him, Lilybug."  
"Don't you think it's killing me too?"

I stand up, picking up my bag, and he stands up too, unfazed.  
"We should go to class."

* * *

"Goodnight guys!" I wave at her, peck Sirius on the cheek and wink at Remus and Peter.  
"Night Lily!"  
Smiling at them, I leave the common room and walk down the corridor to the Heads' dorms, a place I've come to despise.

Seeing Diggory lounging on the sofa lights something inside of me, and I narrow my eyes as I see a note on the table, addressed to me.  
 _Miss Evans,  
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to break the news to Mister Diggory that he will have to leave the Head Dorms as soon as possible.  
Mr Potter has decided to resume his role as Head Boy.  
Minerva McGonagall_

I read it again.  
 _Mr Potter has decided to resume his role as Head Boy._ I laugh, a wonderful joyful laugh, because I don't care if it's Potter coming back, I need Diggory _out_.  
"Oh, _Amos_..." I sing-song.  
"What is it, Evans?"  
"Get _out_!" I drop the letter in his lap, smiling so widely that it hurts, and he frowns, aghast.  
" _What_?!"  
"Get out! You're no longer Head Boy!"  
"What do you mean, of course I'm..." He reads the letter and falls silent.  
"Not anymore, you're not! Get out!"  
"But my things-"  
"I'll get them!"  
I wave my wand, and his trunk comes flying down the stairs, fully packed, like the house elves knew he was going to have to leave.  
"Bye Diggory!"  
"I hate you." He hisses, dragging his trunk behind me.  
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

I collapse down the sofa, grinning madly, and let out a whoop of pure joy.  
"Thank Merlin!"  
I continue to laugh breathily, looking up at the ceiling, and then stop as the door opens with a creak.  
"Evans?"  
Potter is standing there, dragging his trunk behind him, and I stand up, making my face a cold, clear mask.  
"Potter."  
I quirk a smile.  
"Miss me?"

 **SQUEEE!  
Sorry, I had a momentary lapse of judgement. What was I saying?  
AHHHHH! HE WENT BACK TO BEING HEAD BOY! AHHH!  
Wow, I need to get this checked out.  
Anyway, let me know about the sequel, and please keep going with your great reviews! They really do motivate me to update faster.  
Kop khun,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	63. Urgent

**Disclaimer: *coughs nervously* Um...okay, so I know this may a bit of a shock to you...but...I don't own Harry Potter. Yeah.  
A/N:Wow. Siriusly, wow. Thank you SO much to:**

 **Thirteenthphoenix: Jily are getting more mature...well, James is.**  
 **thirteenth soul: THANK YOU. I HAVE POSTED.**  
 **YouBlitheringIdiot: Thank you for your ongoing support, and the sequel will be coming up after this story. Thanks for your opinion!**  
 **SilviaGreyback: I like hearing your stories! Thank you for your cookie, and the AHHHH, and the sequel is written and will be posted when this story is complete. Also, good luck with your homework! I know** ** _a_** ** _ll_** **about that, unfortunately.  
** **Choc0 Chipz: Who said 'miss me?' Well, read on to find out! I'm glad you love it!  
** **All of the guests: Thank you for taking your time to read and review this, and about the guys thing, I never really thought it about it!  
** **Now I have said thank you to everyone, let's get on with the chapter!  
** **Enjoy xx  
** **(Two more chapters? Three?)**

 _"Evans?"_  
 _Potter is standing there, dragging his trunk behind him, and I stand up, making my face a cold, clear mask._  
 _"Potter."_  
 _I quirk a_ _smile._

"Miss me?" I say brightly, and he raises his eyebrows.  
"Why would I miss _you_?"  
"I don't know, maybe my sparkling wit and charming personality. That, and my _obvious_ good looks." I toss my flaming hair over my shoulder sarcastically, and smile sweetly at him. "How's our favourite Hufflepuff?"  
"She's fine," He says quickly, and I nod, beaming.  
"Excellent. You know I'd _hate_ _it_ if something happened to her."  
"Stop it."  
"Stop what?"  
He seems at a loss for what to say, and sits down on the sofa.  
"How come you came back then, Potter?"  
"Peter snores."  
"Very funny." I sit down on the rug. "Is that all?"  
"Why would else would I come back?"  
"I don't know, compassion, some humanity, or maybe you actually _did_ miss me."  
My gaze is razor sharp.  
"Well, I didn't."  
My eyes glitter dangerously.  
"Good."

"I...what?"  
"I said that's good. It wouldn't be prudent for you to be missing me when you have a girlfriend, now would it?"  
"Stop it." He says again, like he doesn't know what to say.  
"I'm not doing anything." I insist, putting on a puzzled face, leaning up and stretching slowly. His eyes glaze over slightly, and for a second I feel guilty, then push it aside. "Have you seen Sirius?"  
"Sirius?" James mumbles the name like he's never heard it before.  
"Yes, Sirius. My boyfriend?" The words taste metallic on my tongue, like blood and old pennies.  
"I-In the common room, I think."  
"Right. Are you doing rounds tonight?"  
"Um...no. McGonagall said I should unpack."  
He suddenly looks so lost, a little boy holding the trunk nearly as big as him, hair all over the place, glasses slightly crooked, and I want to go to him, hug him, kiss him, tell him that everything's going to be okay and throw his girlfriend Elizabeth out of the nearest window while I'm at it.  
I don't. Unfortunately.  
"Fine. I'll be somewhere. If you happen to fall down the stairs and desperately need medical attention, send a Patronus or something."  
He nods tiredly, stands up and starts dragging his trunk towards the stairs. Biting my bottom lip, I pull on my cardigan and lay back against the sofa. A memory hits me then, vivid and hopeful.

 _"Lily?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you going to say yes this time?"  
"What?"  
"When Potter asks you out. Are you going to say yes?"  
"Maybe."_

That was in fifth year, just after our Charms OWL, when Alice, Mar and I went outside. Two minutes later, James had ruined my afternoon, and a friendship.  
 _Why do I keep making excuses for him?_  
I ask myself wearily, and the answer pops into my mind instantly.  
 _Because you love him_.  
"No I don't." I say out loud, and then rub my forehead, confused, staring into the depths of the fire like they're going to tell me what on earth to do next.  
 _Do I?  
_ I know the answer.  
 _Yes.  
Bloody hell._  
I stand up, picking up my hairbrush and running it through my hair, grimacing and making a mental note to have a shower at the earliest opportunity. The firelight reflects off the brass doorknob, looking at me accusingly, and I stuff my wand in my cardigan pocket before leaving for my rounds.

Shadows dance across the walls as I pass the common room, and the Fat Lady smiles jovially at me.  
"Hallo, Lily, dear. How are you?"  
"I'm alright, thank you, ma'am."  
I've called her ma'am since I was in first year, and apparently she likes it.  
"I heard from Vi that Mr Potter is going back to being Head Boy."  
"Tell me about it."  
I stop to talk to her, leaning next to the wall.  
"Not happy about it, my dear?"  
"I've not so much got a problem with him than his new girlfriend."  
"I heard what she called you, Lily dear, and it was inexcusable. She won't be coming into the Gryffindor common room again, not on my watch."  
"Thank you, ma'am. I really appreciate it. I usually don't mind, it's great when people show House unity-"  
"But pureblood bigotry is a totally other issue. You'd think she'd been in Slytherin, the way she behaves." She giggles. "Don't tell the Bloody Baron I said that."  
"I won't, don't worry."

Another portrait calls out from the wall; it's the man from the common room who asked about letting _Lizzie_ in.  
"I must say, you're doing a splendid job of Head Girl, lass."  
"Thank you." I smile happily. "I try my best."  
"I never was a fan of that lass, Darren. A bit too quiet for my tastes. But you've got fire, girl. Don't let anyone take that away from you."  
"And give Mr Potter a good slapping, will you? Might knock some sense into him." The Fat Lady adds, and I frown.  
"Sense into him? What do you-"  
"He's being ignorant. You two are going to end up together, I just know it."  
"I wish." I sigh, and then clap my hand over my mouth as I realise what I said. Both of them start roaring with laughter.  
"Yes, yes, just get back together with him, will you? I can just imagine it...your children will talented and beautiful..."  
"Not to mention imaginary." I laugh, blushing a fiery red. "I'm sorry, but I really should be doing my rounds."  
"Don't stay up too late, Lily dear!" The Fat Lady calls out as I start to walk off, and the portly man nods vigorously.  
"Let one of us paintings know if you get in a spot of bother, and we'll do out best to help."  
"Thank you!" I beam at them gratefully, and start to leave.

I've just reached the end of the corridor when the portrait hole opens and Sirius bursts out, uniform all over the place, grabs my arm and spins me around.  
"We're going this way!"  
"Alright then." I don't even bother questioning him, just jog beside him as we pass a window. The sun is setting, casting a beautiful orange glow across the Lake.  
"What's going on?"  
"Remus, he's unwell."  
"Is he okay?"  
"No, you don't get it." He jerks his head towards the sky as we approach the bridge. "It's full moon."  
"Oh yeah," I remember what I mapped in Astronomy. "But why are you bringing me?"  
"Because I think James forgot."  
"I'm not an Animagus, Sirius!"  
"I know, but James is the best at Disillusionment Charms out of all of us, and you're even better than him, so I need you to put it on me and Peter."  
"Why didn't you just remind him?"  
"Because he's in a really bad mood, and he'll remember in a minute and come rushing down here. Look, Peter's waiting down here."  
We run down past the courtyard, and Sirius points at the hollow next to the large willow tree.  
"Why's he in a bad mood, then?"  
"Haven't you heard? He broke up with Lizzie. This way!"

The urgency in his voice spurs me to move faster, but I can't stop the smile from creeping across my face.

 **Did you like it? Hate it? Want to throw Lizzie out a window?  
Yeah. Me too.  
Don't forget to read and review!  
Thank you!  
She-who-is-getting-excited-now xx**


	64. Fuming

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I do own Lizzie, so I can chuck her off a cliff! YAY!  
A/N: TartCat...YOU ARE SAVED.  
Awesomeness620...Hope you enjoy this one, I have used your request!  
YouBlitheringIdiot: I'm glad you love it! Enjoy this one!  
Choc0Chipz: THROW HER OFF A CLIFF! THROW HER OFF A CLIFF! THROW HER OFF A CLIFF!  
Enjoy! xx**

I'm just coming back from rounds, smiling like an idiot, when I hear angry voices, echoing down the corridor from the Heads' dorms.  
"James-"  
"Did you?"  
"Did I what?"  
"Call her a…a Mudblood. Did you?"  
"I was really mad, it wasn't my fault."  
"Yes it was. This is why I said we were finished."  
"She PUNCHED me!"  
"Yeah, and it sounds like you deserved it!"  
Awkwardly, I slide into the room, trying to be as quiet as possible, but they both turn to look at me. Suddenly I'm fully receiving all of their anger in two very dangerous looking death glares.  
"I…um…I'll just…go…" I point vaguely towards the stairs and start to walk quietly, but my best friend Lizzie comes around and grabs my arm.  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
"I thought I was going to bed, but clearly I was mistaken." My voice is suddenly frosty and hard.  
"Yeah, you were."  
She drags me around to where James is standing and points at him.  
"Tell him that what you said was a lie."

"What?!"  
"Tell him that I didn't call you a Mudblood, tell him that you punched me unprovoked, tell him that I did nothing wrong."  
"But that would be lying, dear Lizzie."  
She slaps me hard around the face, and I cry out, clutching at my cheek, which feels like it's on fire.  
"Get out." James' voice is brimming with fury. "Get out of this room now, Darren, before I do something I'll regret."  
"James, you must be able to see, this is ridiculous, she's just a filthy Mudblood, and a liar-"  
"OUT."  
My eyes are closed, so I don't see what happens, but the door to Head dorms shuts with a thud, and there's a hand on my back.  
"Are you alright?"  
"Fine." I shrug his hand off and wince as I see the handprint in the mirror.  
"Don't say I told you so."  
"I wasn't going to." I say, stung, and touch my cheek lightly with my fingertips.  
"You might want to put ice on that." He advises, and I'm filled with a sudden realisation of how he's acting, despite everything we've said and done.  
"I might want to, yes." I snap, and draw myself up to my fullest height. "I'm going to bed."  
"Oh," he seems recover himself. "Right."

I pick up my bag, slip off my shoes and go to walk up the stairs.  
"Lily!" James calls suddenly, and I spin around.  
"Yes?"  
"I…nothing."  
I frown, looking at him sceptically, and he nods like he's trying to reassure himself.  
"I mean…if we're going to work together now…what are we going to…?"  
"What are we going to do? Well, first off, you're going to start finishing your sentences, and help me out. Secondly, I'm going to continue ignoring your advice until the  
dawn of time."  
"Come on, Evans, that's not fair-"  
"What isn't fair? Not trusting you after what you did? I think that's fair, Potter."  
"No, it's not-"  
"Did you not laugh in my face?"  
"Well, yes, but-"  
"Did you not dismiss everything I said because you had a girlfriend at the time?"  
"Yes, but-"  
"Did you not-"  
"Yes! Yes, I did, and it's wasn't my fault-"  
"Potter!" I speak loudly. "I don't want to hear it. Besides, aren't you forgetting something?"  
"What are you talking about? I haven't forgotten anything."  
"No?" I raise my eyebrows, stride over and yank open the curtains, revealing the remains on the setting sun, a beautiful full moon just visible among the clouds.  
"Oh…" He pales. "Oh, no, I forgot, Remus… and the Dillusionment Charm-"  
"I did it." I want to assure him, to get rid of that horrible lost look on his face. "My boyfriend asked me to."  
He flinches, and then hides his face with his robe as he pulls it on.  
"Also Potter," I smile wickedly at him.  
"I told you so."

* * *

 _I'm running down a corridor with James in the dark, us hand in hand, and he's laughing.  
_ _"So what did you say about Lizzie again?"  
_ _"That I'm going to throw her off a cliff."  
_ _My dreams aren't usually this vivid.  
_ _"I'll help you!" James grins, pulling me behind a statue as Mrs Norris prowls past.  
_ _"James, shh, Filch will hear you!"  
_ _"No he won't, Mudblood."  
_ _I turn to him, aghast.  
_ _"What did you just say?"_

 _The dream shifts, and suddenly I'm running again, this time up a set of stairs, clutching a baby close to my chest. "Come on James, come on…" I mutter, filled with terror, shoving boxes and boxes in front of the door, and then there's a horrible high laugh, and a loud 'thump'.  
_ _A flash of green light. A man's yell. A scream, high and long and drawn out.  
_ _My own._

I wake up, heart pounding, sweaty and terrified, sitting upright in bed, hair in my eyes. Sighing shakily, I pull my hair off my face and into a ponytail, and get out of bed, hands trembling.

I don't realise I'm crying until I look in the mirror, watching, fascinated, as tears slip down my face silently. Dark circles under my eyes show how tired I am, and the clock on the wall reads 3:27.  
In the morning.

I'm too shaken to go back to sleep, at least not for a while, so I pick up my blanket and take it downstairs, snatching up my wand as I go. The fire's died down, so I flick my wand to relight it and add some wood to build up the blaze, freezing cold and desperate for some light. My unfinished Charms essay sits, glaring at me, on the coffee table, and I sit down, eyeing it apologetically as I bundle myself up in the cushions.

A letter lays, open and held down by a paperweight, in front of me, and I fight my natural curiosity and don't pick it up, assuming that it's James'.  
It's only as I lean closer that I realise it's addressed to me, and the envelope is hidden under the table, disregarded on the floor.  
"He read my _mail_!" I hiss, outraged, and pick it up.

 _Lily,  
_ _My name is Doris, Doris Green, and you may not remember me, but I most certainly remember you. I was an old friend of your mother's, from her school days, and in early November last year she wrote to me regarding you and your sister Petunia. It seemed to me that she had discovered a sort of threat to her and her husband's life, and wanted to make sure that if the worst were to happen, you and your sister would have someone to stay with if they needed to._

 _I am aware that your sister Petunia has left school, but as far as I know you are still at boarding school in your last year. I wrote back to your mother, explaining my wish to meet up with her, but my letter was returned, unopened, apparently because the person I had written the letter too not longer resided at that address. I did some digging, and I was devastated to hear of your parents' passing. I have sent this to the address your mother gave me in case of emergencies if I needed to contact you._

 _I would love to get back into contact with you and your sister, even if it is only writing every now and then.  
_ _Thank you, and I hope you are well,_

 _Mrs Doris Margaret Green_

I take a minute, reading the letter again, and then read the note next to it.

 _Miss Evans,  
_ _This letter was sent to Diagon Alley's post office to be sent to you. If you wish to reply, send the letter to the address at the top, along with the address that you want it to be forwarded to.  
_

 _Yours faithfully,_

 _Professor McGonagall_

I take a minute, thinking it over, and then pull a fresh roll of parchment towards me, dip my quill in some ink and start to write, silently fuming.

 **Liked it? Marginally disliked it? Thought James was bang out of order?  
Let me know in a review!  
Now, two more chapters. Maximum three.  
Gracias,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	65. Broken

**Disclaimer: For the...wow, 65th time in this story, I do not own Harry Potter.  
A/N: This is the peniultimate chapter, if you hadn't already guessed from the chapter title! There may be an tiny little cliffhanger.  
You have been warned!  
Thank you for all of your reviews, and as the sequel is set two months ish after this story, they will still be in their seventh year. Therefore, not ****_all_** **loose ends will be wrapped up by the end of this, but most of them will!  
Okay, I've blabbered on enough! Get ready for Lily to have an absolutely _terrible_ day!  
Enjoy xx**

I'm dozing on the sofa when James comes sneaking in at five in the morning. I'm exhausted and I just don't have the strength to yell at him yet, so I just get up without a word and climb the stairs, ignoring his little squeak of surprise; he obviously thought I was asleep.  
I feel terrible, letter shoved into my book as a makeshift bookmark, and I groan as I catch a look at myself in the mirror, putting everything down and going to have a shower. I'm undressed and about to wash my hair when I realise that I've run out of shampoo, letting out a huff of annoyance. I bend down to pick up the bar of soap and bang my head on the little shelf in the shower when I go to stand back up again.

Swearing violently under my breath, I wrap a towel around myself, wrestling furiously with the doorknob, which is stubbornly refusing to open, trying desperately to hold up my towel with the other. My clothes are wrinkled and creased, and I shove them on hastily, brushing through my inexplicably knotty hair, wincing. Snatching up my wand and thrusting it into my pocket, I go to rush out and stub my toe on the edge of the cabinet.  
"Owww!" Hopping around on one foot, I glare at the bedside table accusingly and shuffle slowly past it, walking carefully down the stairs.  
6:37 am.  
James is on the sofa, prodding at his arm with a curious look on his face, and I sweep past him, then spin around.  
"Have you seen a letter, Potter?"  
"Huh?"  
"A letter. Addressed to me. McGonagall said she'd have it sent up here."  
He tries to look nonchalant.

"No."  
"Really? It's just _really_ important, she said."  
"Oh?"  
"She said she would have it put on the desk."  
"No, it was on the-"  
James trails off with a horrified look on his face, and I hold up the letter from Doris.  
"If you _ever_ read my mail again, I will hex you so hard that your grandchildren feel it."  
"Evans-"  
I tuck the letter into my pocket and leave, snarling as the door hits me in the side as soon as I'm out in the corridor.  
"What is today's _problem_?"

* * *

"Wednesdays." I hiss viciously, picking up the textbook that just fell from the shelf onto my foot. "I _hate_ Wednesdays."  
"What's wrong with Wednesdays?" Peter comes and sits next to me in the library.  
" _Everything_. They are _evil_ days, Wednesdays. Evil, and vindictive, and mean, and-"  
"Grumpy?"  
Sirius ruffles my already terrible hair, and I smack his arm, hard.  
"Merlin, Lilybug, what's got your knickers in a twist? Is it that time of the month?"  
I smack him again. "As a matter of fact, yes, but it does not impede my ability to hex you until you resemble nasty green sludge if you suggest such a thing again."

"I would've thought you'd be happy, Lilybug." He straddles the chair opposite, sensibly just out of my reach. "You know, Prongs breaking up with Darren and all."  
"And why would that make me happy?" I say tiredly, looking down at my essay, which has just been ruined by the tipped-over inkwell.  
"I don't know, maybe your infatuation with a certain Quidditch player."  
"I feel nothing for Diggory, Sirius, you know that."  
"That's not what I meant! Stop avoiding the subject!""  
"But it's such _fun."_ I mumble quietly, stick my tongue at him and reach into my bag for another roll of parchment.  
"You don't need to." Peter says suddenly, and points his wand at the parchment. " _Tergeo_."  
"Oh, of course. Thanks Peter." I shake my head wearily. "I don't know where my head is today. I think I'm just going to go to bed."  
"This early?" Peter squints down at his watch. "It's like...half eight."  
"I'm tired."  
Sirius kisses me quickly on the lips, and I'm shocked for a second, then remember: we're still pretending.  
 _I wish it was him kissing me.  
_ My thoughts are straying to dangerous territory, and I start walking faster to clear my head.

James clomps in from Quidditch practise ten minutes later, traipsing mud all over the floor.  
"Shoes." I point at them irritably, and he rolls his eyes before taking his muddy boots off and propping them up by the door.  
"You know, I...I...you're so annoying!" I'm mad, and it spills from my mouth before I can think.  
"I'm annoying? Says Miss Neat Freak."  
"Says Mr Hypocrite!"  
"How am I a hypocrite?"  
"You...you just are!"  
"Oh, well, that's mature."  
"Argh! Just...just shut up! Shut up and go away, James Potter, because you have _completely_ messed me up!"  
"I've messed _you_ up? You have messed with my head _again_ and _again_ , going with Sirius to make me jealous, hurting the _one person_ I thought that cared about me, saying you loved me and then just _leaving_ , I thought you cared about me, I thought you _trusted_ me, but no, you left like a little girl because _I_ was doused with love potion! Did you ever think how that would have made _me_ feel? I woke up, and you were gone!"  
I stumble backwards like I've been slapped, then hiss out a retort.  
"You can talk! You left me to be Head Girl on my own! You drove me to leaving, and then you came to get me _when you had a girlfriend_!"  
"I drove you to leaving?" He yells angrily.  
"Yes!" I shout. "Yes, you did! I left because of _you_!"  
"Maybe it was good you did!"  
" _What_ did you say?"  
"I said maybe it was good that you left!"

"I..I..." I'm so overcome with rage I'm shaking, and it's hard to think. "I hate you!"  
"Well I hate you too!"  
We're both standing there, breathing heavily, eyes flaring, fists clenched. Then we move as one.

I shove him up against the wall, and his hands are around my neck and his lips crash down on mine and we're kissing furiously, all anger and force and passion, teeth clashing and noses bumping and all I can think is _James_ _James_ _James._

 **Hee hee hee.  
She-who-is-literally-giggling-out-loud-as-this-one xx**


	66. Beautiful

**Disclaimer: I have been on this earth for 13 years, and I still do not own Harry Potter. That's right, I'm thirteen, and terribly short for it.  
I will post the sequel as soon as I've posted this, so go ahead and check that out, it's called ****_Desirable but Dangerous._ It is set just a couple of months after this story, in about April.  
Now, before I begin the chapter, ****I just want to say thank you.  
So: THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS BOTHERED TO SIT DOWN AND READ MY SILLY LITTLE STORY. THANK YOU SO MUCH!  
Enjoy! xxx  
**

 _"I..I..." I'm so overcome with rage I'm shaking, and it's hard to think. "I hate you!"_  
 _"Well I hate you too!"_  
 _We're both standing there, breathing heavily, eyes flaring, fists clenched. Then we move as one._

 _I shove him up against the wall, and his hands are around my neck and his lips crash down on mine and we're kissing furiously, all anger and force and passion, teeth clashing and noses bumping and all I can think is James James James._

And then we break apart.  
His eyes are closed as he leans back against the wall, breathing heavily, and I stumble backwards slightly, dropping quickly to sit on the floor with a thump.  
His eyes fly open at the sound, full of concern, and then he zeroes in on me, cross-legged on the floor.  
There's a long period of silence, where I stare at my hands, my heartbeat thundering through my legs and fingers and thumping in my chest.  
I'm suddenly horribly aware of every part of my body, that my arm is curled up against my chest uncomfortably and that my hair is all over the place, mascara smudged under my eyelids and that my face is horribly flushed.  
I rub the back of my neck, and although I'm not looking at James, I can feel his eyes on me, watching my every move.  
So I start to hum, and then I start to sing, my voice startlingly loud in the silence.

It's an old song, one my dad used to sing to me and Petunia when we were younger, by the Beatles, called _Hey Jude._  
" _Hey Jude, don't make it bad._ _Take a sad song and make it better."  
_ " _Remember to let her into your heart._ _Then you can start to make it better."  
_ James finishes with a weak smile, and I turn to look at him as he speaks.  
"I don't really hate you."  
I smile slowly, nervously. "I don't hate you either. I quite like you, actually."  
Grinning shyly, he sits down on the floor too, keeping his distance warily. _  
_

"I love you, Lily."  
I'm too shocked to say anything sensible.  
"Well, you're really bad at it."  
I mumble, and he laughs. Proper, loud laughter, falling back to lie on the floor, chuckling from the depths of his stomach.  
I start to giggle.

Soon we're both rolling around on the floor, laughing and laughing, because suddenly it all seems so silly, so insignificant, so _ridiculous_ _._ James throws his arm out and it catches me in the stomach, and I curl into him, all limbs and clumsy hands and breathy laughter.  
Then we stop, like someone's silenced us, and I can't express how happy I am to be able to say _us_.

Our fingers find each other, and our hands twist together, falling forward to rest on the floor between us as I blow my hair out of face, smiling, then sober up as he pulls me to sit up with him.  
"Lily?"  
His eyes are bright, and hopeful.  
Beautiful.  
"I love you too."

He pulls me into him, pressing his lips to mine, and I lose myself in him.  
"Wait," James breaks off suddenly, keeping his face close to mine, and I groan, leaning back in again.  
"James..."  
"Will you wear it?"  
My charm bracelet sits, coiled in his hand, and I hold out my wrist expectantly, smiling so widely it hurts.  
"I can't believe I ever thought it was a good idea to take it off."

He kisses my wrist gently, then fastens it, and I run my fingers along the charms lightly.  
"I have a problem, James."  
"Oh really?" His voice is light, amused. "What's that?"  
"I think I may be suffering from the don't-want-you-to-go-anywhere-without-me-ever-again-itis."  
"Really? How funny, I think I might be suffering from the exact same disease myself."  
James stands up suddenly and smirks cockily down at me, holding out the hem of his Quidditch jumper..  
"Hey Evans. Do you know what material this shirt is made out of?"  
"Uh...wool?"  
"Nope." His grin stretches from ear to ear. "Boyfriend material."

Shaking my head but smiling, I stand up, and he winks at me as there's a knock on the door.  
"James, mate?"  
Sirius peers around the edge of the door, and I wave at him, then put on a falsely apologetic tone.  
"Oh hi Sirius! Listen, I'm _really sorry_ and all, but I think we may have to break up."  
His face cracks out the biggest grin I've seen in my entire life.  
"So you've...you've..."  
James answers his unasked question by kissing me quickly on the lips.  
Sirius jumps up and down, literally jumps up and down, and claps his hands.  
"Thank _Merlin_! I thought you'd never-"

I never get to hear what he has to say, because James picks me up, flings me over his shoulder and pushes past Sirius, chuckling, as I hammer his back with my fists. "James Potter! Put me-"  
He breaks out into a run as we burst out into the corridor, and his footsteps echo on the flagstones, me shrieking with laughter the whole way.

 **Thank you!  
She-who-loves-fanfiction-and also-her-readers xx**


	67. No Care

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I can still write about it! Score!  
A/N: Yes, yes, I know, this story was supposed to be finished, and it is, but I've had a couple of requests to write a few chapters from James' perspective, and I'm thinking of doing like five? Anyway, this one is from chapter 32/33, the attack on Hogsmeade, and if anyone wants to request any specific chapters or moments or whatever, go ahead! Thanks!  
PS: All of these chapter titles (all of the ones I've got in mind anyway) are named after songs by a band called _Daughter_ , who are AMAZING, so check them out! Each chapter will correlate with the song choice, so check out _No Care_ if you want a soundtrack for this chapter!  
Enjoy xx**

"Come on, come on, come _on,_ James! We have to go to Honeydukes!"  
Lily's hanging onto my arm, hair spinning out around her, her face lit up with excitement as she starts dragging me towards her favourite shop. Every so often it hits me, how ridiculously lucky I am to be with Lily Evans, and right now I feel it deep in my gut.  
"Yes, but I want to go to Zonko's!" I pout, laughing, and sticks out her light pink tongue.  
"Too bad!"

There's a strange humming in the air all of a sudden, like I'm underwater, and I feel the heat of the explosion before I see it or hear it. The air's full of smoke and curses and Lily screams beside me, her hand slipping out of mine as she's blasted backwards. I hear her hit the cobbles and I shout blindly, whirling around, staggering forward. A second of eerie silence fills the street, and then a shrill, creepy, high laugh echoes and reverberates through the road, mixing with the screams.  
"Lily!" There's no response to my desperate yell, and a bright green curse flies over my shoulder as I snatch up my wand and Lily's which is next to mine by my foot.  
 _She hasn't got her wand._

The next few minutes are a blur of dodging and shouting and firing jinxes like my life depends on it, which it does. There're robed figures everywhere, lining the alleys and blasting out the windows of shops, and I sprint across the road and up towards the Shrieking Shack, fingers clenched around my wand, cramping.  
"James!"  
"Sirius!"  
We collide almost painfully, and I drag him by the collar of his shirt into an alley, against a wall.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine. Have you seen Mar? Remus? Where's Lily? Is she not with you?"  
"No, I lost her after the explosion, I hoped she might be with you-"  
I'm cut off by a scream, and a group of third-years come running around the corner, shouting in fear.  
"It's okay, it's okay, shh! Is everyone okay? Are you all okay?"  
They're all panicking, wands drawn but useless, but a few of them nod, trying to stay calm.  
"Okay, good." Sirius' voice is quiet but authoritative as he approaches the group. "James is going to take you all up to the school, okay? And I'll be right behind you."  
"Mate, why don't you take them, and-"  
"James, you're Head Boy," He whispers, turning his back on the students to mouth at me. "They'll listen to you. Take them up to the school."  
"Alright." I jog forwards and address the students. "Whatever happens, stick together. If I get hit, keep going up to the school. Are we clear?"  
They all mumble assent, and I nod at Sirius, a promise.  
"See you later Padfoot."  
"Dinner's at five." He winks at me, and smirks.  
"And if you can-"  
"I'll find Lily for you, lover boy, now get those kids up to the school before one of them Slytherins wets themselves."

* * *

The path up to the gates is slippery, coated with snow, but the anxiety in the air is enough to silence the usual complaints as Professor Eihwaz comes hurrying out.  
"Thank goodness! Is everyone alright?"  
I leave the third years in the Entrance Hall as Madam Pomfrey rushes up to check them for injuries, and pull off my glasses; there's a long, thin crack in them, splitting the world in two.  
"James!"  
Remus jogs up towards me, jumper ripped, and Peter follows close behind him.  
"Are you alright? Where's Sirius? And Lily?"  
"I thought they might be with you..." I frown at him, and he furrows his brow, looking anxious.  
"At least we're all alright. McGonagall will want to know you're here."  
"I'll go and tell her." Peter rushes off into the Great Hall, where all of the students are gathered, milling around, all of the houses jumbled up and joined in their relief.  
"But there's been no word from Sirius or Lily?"  
"No, not as far as I know, but I'm sure they're fine, they probably just got caught up in the snow..."  
"Probably," I say, but I don't believe the word as I speak it.  
Professor McGonagall calls for silent, and orders everyone back to their common rooms, so the rest of the Prefects and I organise ourselves to get everyone to their respective houses, but our commands aren't punctuated by the spirit lifting lightness of Lily's tone that usually brightens up the Prefects' meetings.

The common room is full of students, too jittery to do anything but sit and talk quietly, and Peter, Remus and I are sat by the door to the portrait hole in silence, staring into space, each of us too caught up in our misguiding and morbid thoughts to bring ourselves to do anything but glare at the walls with a furious vengeance that promises anger. When the portrait hole swings open and Sirius staggers in, leg bandaged, breathing heavily, we all jump to our feet and, masculinity going out the window, engulf in a massive bear hug that threatens to steal him of his ability to breathe.  
"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, thank god you're okay."  
"Couldn't miss dinner now, could I?" He tries to sound nonchalant, but his eyes are tired and glazed, like he's been crying.  
"What's wrong? Did you find Lily? Is she back yet?"  
"She's...she's in the Hospital Wing at the moment."  
"Why? What's wrong with her?"  
My voice goes dangerously high, steely, impatience giving it an edge, and he holds out a placating hand, though his voice wobbles.  
"She was hit by a curse, she passed out, but I carried her back here, Madam Pomfrey said I should come back here. She's pretty bad, James."

My blood thunders in my ears. "I'm going to see her."  
"Madam Pomfrey said no visitors."  
"Don't care." I storm out into the corridor, broken glasses propped wonkily on my nose, cut forehead bleeding, arms aching.  
I _don't_ care.  
I'm going to see my girlfriend.

 **What did you think? Did you like it? Let me know what you thought, and what other chapters you'd like to see!  
Thanks a million,  
She-who-lives-fanfiction xx**


	68. Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I can still write about it! Score!  
A/N: Thank you, YouBlitheringIdiot (your username makes me smile), and here is another one! Allimonkey123 (how come everyone has a cooler username than me?), thank you so much! And your wish is my command! This chapter is James' perspective on chapters 50/51, aka PARTY!  
Enjoy! (hopefully) xx**

I've just got my dress robes on, and I'm trying to flatten down my hair in the mirror while simultaneously shoving my feet into shoes when there's a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" Lily's voice makes me grin, and I give up on my hair as I bend down to tie my laces.  
"Yeah, I'm just putting my shoes on! It's nearly half past, Mum's going to be frantic, what are you wearing?"  
I spin around, and _Merlin_. My brain seems to forget how to speak, and a jumble of appreciative sounds come tumbling out. "Um...you...ugh...you look...wow..."  
 _Her dress and her hair and her eyes and God is this woman trying to kill me?_

Her eyes sparkle with amusement, and there's a hint of pride in her smile as she raises her eyebrows, ' _my eyes are up here_ ' shining out of her smirk.  
"So...are we going to go downstairs now?"  
"I...um...yeah..."  
I shake my head, as if it's going to clear the mist that's fogged over my mind, and Sirius peers around the door, laughing.  
"Stopped gawking yet, Prongsie? Your mum's going spare. You were supposed to be down there five minutes ago."  
"Yeah...of course...let's go..."

I look at Lily for confirmation and wrap my arm around her waist, proud and still _blushing Merlin's pants.  
_ Mum's waiting in the living room, smoothing down her favourite pink dress happily.  
"I thought we'd use a Portkey," She says, business-like, holding out a battered old hairbrush. "So we don't get soot on the dresses."

We all put a finger on it, and I feel an uncomfortable jerk beneath my navel as we spin around, faster and faster and faster. We land with in the Prewett's lavish dining room, and Mrs Prewett comes hurrying over and leads us into the ballroom. I'm adjusting my robes uncomfortably, tugging the itchy collar in distaste, when Aunt Eliza calls out nasally from behind me, shrill voice hurting my head.  
"Ah, Miss Evans, isn't it? I thought my dear nephew would have dumped you for the darling Prewett girl by now!"  
"Whoop de doo." My happiness at her arrival is _tangible_ , and Lily rolls her eyes as we turn around to face my favourite aunt.

* * *

"Not again!" I mumble, grabbing Lily's hand and pulling her over to the drinks table, desperate for some relief.  
"James, I've had three Butterbeers already!"  
"Yes, but we needed an excuse to get away from that old hag."  
"She wasn't that bad!"  
"Yeah, and Malfoy's my best mate."  
"Oh ha ha…" Her snarky response is cut off by Amelia approaches us, draining the rest of her drink in one go.  
"Hello, Jamie, dear!"  
"Hide me." I moan, diving behind Lily, but Amelia just laughs and raises her eyebrows, then her face softens.  
"Oh, aren't you handsome, my little cousin, all grown up!"  
"Hello Mrs Bones."  
"And who is this?"  
"This is Lily, ma'am. We're together." I grin proudly at her, jutting out my chin, and Lily blushes a deep crimson next to me.  
"When's the wedding?" I choke on my drink, and spit out some words, flustered, then Lily cuts over me, looking victorious.  
"Oh no, we're not...I mean, it's not...we're not…"  
"There's not a wedding planned at present, Mrs Bones, but I hope that there may be one in the future."  
She winks, I flush, suddenly boiling, and stutter in surprise as my glorious, gorgeous, totally kissable but out of the range girlfriend sashays out into the middle of the ballroom.

Amelia and I exchange some small talk, mocking the formality of the event, and then she drifts off to find her husband, slamming her empty glass down on the side table as she goes. I'm scanning the hall for Sirius when someone pokes me in the small of the back.  
"Nyaah!" I shriek, spinning around and flapping my hands around childishly, expecting it to be Lily and there's a low, throaty, seductive laugh.  
"Alright there, James?"  
"I... _Anne_ _?_ " I look at her, stunned, recalling the scrawny girl with plaits I last saw when I was twelve and raising my eyebrows in reluctant appreciation. _Okay, she looks great.  
_ "There's no need to look so surprised, hon." She runs her hands down her body sensually, extenuating her, ahem, 'assets', and I avert my eyes.  
"I really should go find my girlfriend-"  
"You have a girlfriend, then?"  
"There's no need to sound so surprised." I repeat, smirking at her, and she hands me a drink, giggling and running her long fingernails down my shirt.  
"You're looking good these days, James. I barely recognised you."  
I take a sip from the glass she gave me, and blink, slightly light-headed. "What's this? Champagne?"  
"Course is it," Anne Prewett winks and smiles, and I lean a bit into her, because okay, she's hot.  
 _What the hell. Let's have some fun._

* * *

I wake up in the morning with a banging headache and a mouth as dry as a desert, with Sirius knocking on my door with enough force to knock it down.  
"What?" I groan, rubbing my throbbing forehead, and he pushes open my door.  
"Well congratulations, mate!"  
"What did I do?"  
"Lily's gone back to Hogwarts!"  
"What? Why?"  
Sleep has bleared my concentration, leaving me to decipher with my sluggish thoughts as I try to sort through my foggy memories of last night.  
"Firstly, what the actual _hell_ , James?" He whacks me across the head with my pillow, and I grunt, outraged, arms flying up to protect my head.  
"Jesus, Pads, what's gotten into you? Where's Lily?"  
"She's left, thanks to you drooling all over Miss Slutty Anne last night."  
"Anne? What...I mean she...Lily _left_?"  
"Uh huh. Nice going, _Romeo_."  
 _Crap_ wasn't the only word going through my mind at that moment.

 **Did you like it? Anymore chapter requests, let me know!  
The chapter song today is ' _Love',_ by Daughter, which is about cheating, and therefore seemed rather appropriate. Annnnyway, thank you!  
Sayonara,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


	69. How

**Disclaimer: NEIN. IT IS NOT MINE.  
A/N: This is for chapter 61, or 'Sassy', when Lily goes along with Sirius' plan and they pretend to date. Remember? Hopefully?  
Don't forget to follow, favourite and review!  
Enjoy xx  
**

"-And then Jessica said, that that just _was not okay_ , and broke up with him, and I think that's great. Isn't that great James?"  
"Sure," I mumble under my breath, scooping cereal in my mouth hurriedly, scanning the Hall for Sirius, who wasn't in the dorm this morning.  
 _He never misses breakfast. Ever.  
_ "And then Mike was like, oh my god and started telling everyone that she's a slut, so then Jessica snogged Frank in the broom cupboard next to the Charms classroom to get back at him for cheating on her with Danielle-"  
"Right,"  
"And now Danielle and Mike are dating but Frank broke up with Jessica because he found out that she was using him to make Mike jealous-"  
"Okay,"  
"So now I don't know whose side I'm supposed to be on, because Danielle is in my dorm but Jessica knows my cousin's friend, so that could make things awkward-"

I nod, not listening, and smile slightly in relief as Sirius and Lily come into the Hall, both looking uncharacteristically nervous. The sight of her still knocks all the wind out of me.  
 _Are they...are they holding hands?  
_ I nearly choke on my cornflakes, eyes frozen on their interlocked fingers. Sirius' eyes catch mine, just for a second, and there's a flicker of apology in his eyes before he looks away, flushed.  
"Lily-" Alice starts, looking shocked and perplexed.  
"Later Alice," Lily looks tired, exhausted even, as she swings her long legs over the bench and drops her bag under the table with an air of finality. "Please."  
She downs a cup of milk, and I hate that I'm still transfixed by the way her hair falls over her shoulder like a waterfall. Sirius is watching me with reproachful eyes and I glare at him, staring daggers at his stupid betraying face.  
"Oh, so you two are together now?" Elizabeth sounds overly chirpy, sardonic, and it's too loud in our silent, stunned group. "You are _way_ better suited than Lily and James were."  
 _That's not true._  
Anger ripples through me, sharp and painful, and fizzles out as Elizabeth's goblet tips over, slamming it into the wood.  
I feel _her_ eyes on me, and I stare determinedly down at the table.

* * *

"See you later James!"  
"Bye Freya!"  
Holding my broomstick aloft like a trophy and grinning at the third-year, I start to walk up to the broom cupboard, but I'm distracted as Elizabeth comes running up to me, blonde hair flying, looking distressed.  
"James! Guess what your Mudblood ex did to me!"  
"Don't call her that-"  
"What? No, she punched me! For like, no reason! She's such a bit-"  
"She punched you?"  
"Yeah! Oh my God she's actually proper mental, like I'm not even joking, like I actually think she needs to get checked out-"  
"Why did she hit you?"  
"For like, no actual. Like, why did ever date her, seriously, I think's she actually proper crazy-"  
"Yeah, okay, I'll go talk to her, is that what you want?"  
"But isn't it just _awful_ , though? Like how dare she?!"  
"Yes, it is."  
Elizabeth lights up, glowing. She really is stunning. "Thank you so much, James!"  
When we kiss, I can taste her cherry lip balm.

Lily is sat at a table at the back of the library; her hair catches my eye straight away, and I almost sub-consciously advance towards it, like a moth drawn to a flame. She bites her lip, engrossed in her work, and the fact that the sight of it makes me want to kiss her angers me as I storm over. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you Evans?"  
She doesn't even look up from her work, flicking airily through her book. "What's wrong with me, what's wrong with your girlfriend?"  
"You punched her!""  
"Oh, she told you about that then."  
"Yeah, she did! Look, I get that you're jealous, but-"  
"Jealous? Of what? Your ridiculous hair? Nope, Potter, I prefer my own." Lily snorts and throws her hair over her shoulder, where it catches light from the lamps like it's on fire.  
"Just stay away from her, Evans." I sigh, turning to go, annoyed with my lack of self-control and the horrible amazing uncomfortable flutter in my stomach.  
"She called me a Mudblood, you know." The tired hurt in her voice means I stop on instinct and turn back around.

"You probably don't care-"  
"You're right, I don't."  
I'm desperate to get out of this library where her gaze burns into me and her bottom lip trembles and her eyes are misted over with emotion.  
"I always thought you were the kind of person who was against, you know, bigoted remarks? Apparently not."  
"I am, but...it's just..." I'm outraged by her comment but I can't take back what I just said.  
"It's just what?"  
"Nothing." I shake my head, firmly. "Nothing. Just leave me alone, Evans."  
Turning to go, I'm frozen when her soft voice sends shivers down my spine again.  
"Remember, Potter. I may not have learnt much from you, but I have learnt this.  
Just because a lion says it's a mouse doesn't make it a mouse.  
Just because someone's a Slytherin doesn't make them evil.  
Just because someone's a Gryffindor doesn't make them brave.  
Just because Sirius is a Black doesn't make him bigoted.  
Just because Remus is a werewolf doesn't make him a monster.  
Just because James Potter seems nice doesn't mean he is.  
Just because Lily Evans seems perfect doesn't mean she is.  
Just because your girlfriend seems lovely doesn't mean she is. Remember that."

My mind is racing, bursting with the exclamation I'm yearning to scream, shaking with anger and confusion and the memory of Sirius' smug face with his hand in hers.  
"You and Sirius aren't even right for each other!"  
Her face changes, shifting into a deadly smile, and I know I've gone too far, I've pushed her too much. "I searched _everywhere_."  
"What?"  
"I went through loads of books."  
"Huh?"  
"I went through my trunk and all of your letters."  
"What are you-"  
"I even went through my wardrobe!" The satisfied, proud smirk on her face makes my heart ache. "Yet I still couldn't find where I asked for your opinion."  
With that she pushes herself to her feet, drops her books into her bag and swishes out past me, hair brushing my body as she leaves.  
 _Damn it Evans. You're going to be the death of me._

 **I hope you liked it!  
Thanks a million,  
She-who-loves-fanfiction xx**


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